One of my best friends, Sabrina, has been having problems with her much older boyfriend Anthony (who also has special needs of some sort I think) and I feel sad for her and worried about her because of that. They've been going together for three years (since her freshman year in high school; now she's going into senior year and I'll be a junior), and despite the fact that some of her friends who knew him disapproved she REALLY cares deeply about him, but it's mostly because of him that they've had some big problems on and off and it all makes her mad and upset. She said that at first they were an item, hanging out and saying they loved each other to death and all that c**p, and then they broke up a couple times in between. Once was because he started seeing her cousin, since he liked her better, and on top of that he lied about why he couldn't see her anymore by saying that now that he was eighteen he'd been joining the army and that would complicate things; as if she'd never find out and that wouldn't make it worse and going out with her cousin when he was in the army would seem any different from dating her as an army member or would be subtle for her if she found out. But of course, that's what happened, and Sabrina got so upset that she tried to be friends with him again like they were before the romance but just couldn't; she kept crying and freaking out at him no matter how hard she tried. Then they started dating again, but then after awhile, a few other things happened that got Sabrina worried it would happen all over again and things were rocky. She had no clue what to do.
Then everything was good again for awhile afterward, and he gave Sabrina an engagement ring and asked her to marry him, but the thing is...Sabrina had a fight with another friend of hers because apparently he's proposed to all his girlfriends. And then she lost her virginity to him, after I'd gently warned her not to when she told me they'd be alone at her house (her family doesn't know about their relationship and isn't too involved in her life since she has some problems with them), and me and my friends were scared to death because she said she thought she might be pregnant. We were soo relieved, when "that time of the month" came for her, if you know what I mean and reminded her from then on to watch out...and then she did it again! (Thank God she dodged pregnancy a second time and she hasn't done it since!!)
Things seemed okay between them for the rest of her junior year, but then they made plans to hang out, and they never did because Anthony didn't care or they were busy or he backed out or didn't show up. And now Sabrina's really depressed because she can't find a way to reach him anymore. His cell phone's always off, he never picks up at home, and when he's obviously there he appears to ignore her or it's really quiet and short and tense and a little awkward when they do talk. He also doesn't go online that much, cuz he doesn't have a Facebook and he has a Myspace, but he doesn't go on it often and Sabrina has a Facebook but not a Myspace. Email and IMing are practically untouchable by both of them, so they'll probably never talk or see each other again, and Sabrina misses how it used to be and is sad beyond belief because we go back to school a week from tomorrow and they haven't hung out once. She says she'll go back and look for him, and when he's not there (he graduated last year), she'll be more miserable than ever.
I've never met the guy or viewed what they were like, but I hate seeing my best friend like this, and I think she should forget him because I think he's breaking up with her. But she loves him a lot, and she thought they'd spend the rest of their lives together, so she feels awful and mad at him about everything now; like she can't trust him anymore. She's even started thinking about other guys she knows that are just friends, only to stop and remind herself of that, and feel even worse. I just truly hate to see her so sad, and to hear that she wasted three of the four best years of her life crying over the jerk, because we go waay back and she's never been this in love with someone or gone that far with him. I feel bad because I'm on top of things; junior year I'm making a fresh start from all the confusion I've had these past two years, and that's why I refuse to date right now, but it's too late for her cuz she was all sucked in and living in her little fantasy world of them living happily ever after together. On top of that she has problems with family and some of her friends at this point, and she can be a drama queen, but I still love her. I've known her a long time, I understand how much she's hurting and why, and I know how hard it is to let go in this kind of case. But it doesn't seem like she has much choice, with everything falling apart and no decent contact, and she's at a loss and no longer knows anything.
So, my question is, how should I help? Just talk? Give her something? I w
Tags: