How can I help my mom and dad?

Question

I am nineteen and a sophomore at a university some 400 miles from my hometown. I have a brother who is seventeen and will be going to a university more than 500 miles away next year.

I call my parents every weekend, we exchange emails, and my mom writes me a letter each week. I also get to come home at Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break, and for two weeks in the summer. They make the 8 hour drive up to see me in October and February.

So, we don't see each other that often but we do keep in touch, and I expect it will be about the same when my brother goes to college since he's only 100 miles west of me.

But I'm kinda expecting my parents to have empty nest syndrome. It seems to be a pretty common thing among parents, even those whose kids live locally. Obviously my brother and I will live much further away, so it's a little harder on them.

So once it's just the two of them and the dog, how can I help them out? I'm particularly concerned for my mom, because my dad works very long hours (at a minimum, ten hour shifts six days a week) and is often either working or sleeping since he's on night shift. So she doesn't see him all that much even though they do live together and love each other very much.

I mean, it's pretty much going to be my mom by herself... and she's a strong woman, but it is a big change, and she has a really stressful job too.

I want to make sure that I can still be of some help to them, and still provide some emotional support.

How can I do that?

Answer 1

Wow!  you are very aware!

Yes, there is much you can do.

When I had empty nest symdrome, I almost adopted!

WARN your Mom about that and discourage it...

and tell her to start thinking about all the things she's never had time to do FOR HERSELF !  

Tell her is is HER TIME, and time to get a little self-involved.

Suggest she join a Red Hat ladies group, or if those gals are too old, that she get involved in some group she would like.  Tell her to be careful about church groups, because once they find out "your willing to donate time" they'll be after her for everything

Encourage her to start projects.  Ask her to make for YOU a scrap book of you growing up, all the best shots and memorbelia of you.

My son encouraged me to take Computer Sciences classes, and now I'm totally into all that.

Tell her to get herself a bicycle, and ride it in the evenings, and get to know more of the neighbors.

There are tons of things a woman can do, that are not "Mom" things...but also, do ask her to still make and do things for you.  She will always need an active role as your MOM.

^j^

Answer 2

get her to join an adult group with something she likes, like knitting group, or a community garden and send her some home made gifts every week or so from college

Answer 3

Since they are both working, I don't expect them to have too much time to worry about the empty nest syndrome. Can you ride the train? It is very inexpensive by comparison. Can you rent a car? compact rentals are very inexpensive and get good gas mileage.

They may surprise you. they may be looking forward to life without kids. That will give them more time alone with each other. Without you or your brother looking over their shoulders. Now they can flirt with each other without you watching and saying things like ewww! yuck! get a room! you are too old to act like that.  

Answer 4

Wow...thats very sweet of you to think of your parents like that! Just keep doing what you are and let them know that you love them very much! Maybe you can call your mom more offten! I think she would love that! Just to check in and say hi! Like when you have a little time! In between classes or something! Good luck. Hope all goes well! God Bless!

Answer 5

Make effort to come see them, and make sure they know you are.

Answer 6

about once a month or every other month come down and visit them, also call your mom a couple times a week. You can randomly send your mom flowers, she will love that, and it will cheer her up. :)

Answer 7

You are already a great support by the things you are doing.  You are a great daughter and they are very proud of your accomplishments.  To be doing what you are doing is very rewarding to parents.  Your mom will start to manage other activities to help her through these tough times but your writing and calling are wonderful as well.  Parents are more resilient than are given credit in times like this.  My daughter lives only 150 mile away and I get upset when she doesn't let me know what's going on for several months at a time.  This is common sense to at least phone home every other week and possibly write once a month.  It is understood you have a life outside of the home now and aren't expected to always be on the phone but when a special occasion (birthday, anniversary, mother's day, etc.) comes around it's nice to hear your voice.  I don't think you even give that a second thought because it's an automatic response for you.  Keep up the great work your parents are very lucky and proud.

Answer 8

Take a lesson from the sisterhood of the traveling pants! Maybe circulate something between the three parties, like a scrapbook. You could add pictures, or movie tickets, poems, or share your thoughts. That might be pretty sentimental for a couple guys just off to college! But you may create a lot of memories :-)  

Answer 9

They are lucky to have such a considerate child! 51 isn't 71 so they'll probably be just fine and stay active since their both still working.

I'll bet they don't expect you to drive or fly home much while your in college. I think the best thing you could do is to keep writing letters and calling like you have been. Your family seems to put a nice effort into staying close. Maybe you can talk your mom into joining some clubs she's interested in if she shows signs of boredom or depression.

Answer 10

well you should get a job and get some more money and help them get their way back in life

Answer 11

Let her know that you love her by sending cards and calling.

Also, see if your dad wants to retire, then they can be together more often.

Answer 12

You are too sweet!! Empty nest is a real concern, especially if your mom isn't involved in too many other things.  With dad absent alot of the time, she will need something worthwhile to do.  The best thing you can do is try to call every day or two just to say hi.  If there is anything (game etc) online that the two of you could participate in, that would be good.  I hope mom has good support at home with her stressful job.  Good luck.  Keeping in touch is the key, so mom doesn't feel too alone.

Answer 13

Should contact with them more or try to fit in some time to visit.  

Answer 14

Well make sure you stay in touch with her and make it known that if there's something no matter how big or small you will be there for her no matter what. Make sure you keep that bond or lifeline you have now. I think this will help alot.  

Answer 15

Boris,

     As much as you love your parents, their relationship is theirs.  Believe me, I understand how you feel but you can only be the loving son that you are; in the end you have no control over this.  It's good for us to acknowledge this fact so that we can act healthily and smartly in these situations.  Your folks have to do this on their own; as a smart man once said, "By trusting people, you make them trustworthy."  In the end the universe will unfold as it should, have faith my friend.

Answer 16

Work, that's what i did.

Answer 17

You know, I think that your parents will be fine.  However, you should definitely make it a point to maintain contact with them as much as possible.