How can I help my mom come to terms with abuse in the family? (Contains emotionally disturbing info)

Question

Recently, I had to disclose my family's domestic violence and child abuse background to my sister's doctors. My youngest sister (age 26) was originally diagnosed with psychosis, but now the docs are working to save her mind from splitting into different personalities. Some of the delusions and hallucinations my sister has had are abstracted versions of sexual & physical abuse (according to the psychiatrist). I told the doctors that my dad was very abusive with me (sexually, emotionally, and physically).

Now, my mom had been having a hard time to deal with my sister's condition ( which is considered demon possession in my mom's country-- El Salvador). It is also not helping that she is related to El Salvador's stuck-up oligarchy and that she tried to cover up sister's symptoms (much to the detriment of my sister's health).

Someone at the hospital told my mom what I said to the doctors, and I was questioned this morning by her regarding my experiences.

What I told her: "Yes, my dad not only emotionally and physically abused me, he also molested, raped, and impregnated me at age 10. Shortly after, I was unknownly given the abortion pill (by my mom) and I aborted a 9 week old fetus in the toilet. My mom had said that I was sick and had to take the pill. I remember vividly protesting that I wasn't sick, but wanting to be in my mom's good graces, I took the pill anyways. Since noone allowed me to receive s*x education, I didn't know at that time that I was being abused. It was during my teen and adult years that I put everything together."

Mom: "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Me: "I did! But you just brushed it off and said that the abuse never happened. You said that I was making it all up to get attention."

Later, I got alot of flack from her. Then she started panicking, saying that I was lying and that the abuse never happened. Then she said that she would have an investigation launched and have herself tested on the lie detector machine...

I kept asserting that the doctors needed to know since my sister's health is at stake. They can't help her unless they know everything. Plus, dissociation (split personalities) is usually caused by extreme abuse in the patient's past.

So back to my question: Is there anything I can do to help my mom come to terms with the abuse that she failed to protect myself and my sister from?

Answer 1

I don't know what you can do. Your mom is feeling extreme guilt because she did not protect you and your sister. She will have to work through it herself. I hope you and your sister are able to have good lives and be well and happy. I am so sorry you had to go through this awful abuse.  

Answer 2

Sorry to hear about your problems.

Some people go for years in denial of what has happened, and in some cases they never acknowledge it at all.

The best thing to do is to simply seek professional help for your sister and yourself and if your mother wants to deny it, then let her be.

Answer 3

Oh...........MY........gosh!!  

this is such a terrible thing.. I'm sorry for all that you have been through...........

no one should have to deal with such things! I can't imagine what it would be like to go through half of what you went through!!

I think it would be a good idea for ALL of you to get some professional help!! you seem to have a good grip on things but I think a therapist can help you.  your mother needs to see someone as well this must be an awful thing for her to have to think about.  

God bless you!!  hopefully your family can heal their wounds!