How can I help my son???? He is an addict living in another state.

Question

He will be 21 in a few days and was molested at the age of 11 by his Uncle who did not get prosecuted despite our efforts. I feel that this was the beginning of his problems, but had him in counseling several different times to try to help him cope with his trauma. He has been struggling with drug and alcohol addiction since he was13. He has attempted suicide on three occasions over the years, the latest being last night. He lives in another state at this time and does not want to come home because he has a girlfriend of 2 years there. Right now he is in the hospital, but will be admitted somewhere tomarrow. I have talked to him several times today and he knows that I love him and just want to see him get better.He admitted himself into a facility just last week, but they put him out after 2 days because he has no insurance! Before he moved, I had gotten him help from several sources and he has beat this thing before, it just seems to keep coming back. What else can I do besides morally support him and pray?

Answer 1

As others have said since he is an adult there isn't much you can do unless you can convince him to go into treatment.  You can talk to the girlfriend and see if she can convince him to go into treatment, but he has ***to want to get better*** before it is going to happen.  

Since you are not near him you might be able to find a location for him -- one that operates on a sliding scale -- by going to the SAMHSA website and looking there at the substance abuse centers listed for his area.  The website is at: http://dasis3.samhsa.gov/  Click on his state.  Then narrow it down by city and any other details you choose.  The information provided will include:  Name of the center, address, phone and the following:

Primary Focus: Mental health services

Services Provided: Substance abuse treatment, Buprenorphine Services

Type of Care: Outpatient

Special Programs/Groups: Women, Men, DUI/DWI offenders, Criminal justice clients

Forms of Payment Accepted: Self payment

Perhaps you can find a good program for him -- if he is willing to go!

Good luck!

Answer 2

I'm very sorry to hear about such a young person having so many problems at such an early age in life.  You must be heartbroken, to say the least.  He sounds like he needs mental health attention from a professional psychologist who can help him deal with the underlying feelings of guilt, shame, and depression, and that these feelings are normal for anyone who has gone through such terrible obsticles in life.  

Part of being addicted to alcohol, and drugs for that matter, is that it affects brain development and shapes a person's emotions, behaviours, and thought processes.  As a person who began drinking alcohol at age 13, I completely understand how alcohol is used as a mask for emotional pain, and how facing that pain takes years and years of self-discovery and patience.  

At 21 years old, however, he still has his whole life ahead of him.  He needs to know that there is hope, and that regardless of the perceived challenges that may remain, and with a lot of work, he can still find happiness in his life.

The two most powerful things that I have ever come to know are the truth and hope.

Peace be with you.

Answer 3

Two things to do: talk to his girlfriend appeal to her to get him motivated to come closer to you where he can get the help he needs...second would be to have an intervention on him and have a treatment facility that will deal with his addiction and mental health issues, only when he comes to terms with his mental health issues will his addiction be controlled and then destroyed,,you sound like you love your son, don't love him to death....

Look on any search engines and you can find treatment facilities in your area, or even speak with your family doctor to discuss doctors who can help him or might know of great facilites and treatment programs for him...best of luck...

Also, it would be in your best interst to get help for yourself in dealing with this situation, I am not a a parent but a recovering addcit myself and I keep strong on my sobriety becasue of what my paretns went through to help me get clean....

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about your son.My son is an alcoholic and his liver function is abnomal.He's on his way to serosus of the liver.I tryed everything i could but got nowhere,because he is a funtional alcoholic,not harming anyone but himself.So i could not put him away.He finally admitted himself into rehab,after realizeing just how bad he really is.He's been there 3 days and after a week he'll be going to Adcare for extra help.I hope it works cuz' alcohol is a killing disease.He's not as bad as your son,he doesn't use drugs.You DO have power over me cuz' if your son is harming himself by trying to kill himself,you CAN put him away.It's hard being in another state,so youd'e have to look into how to go about it,but you have to go to court.You gotta tell your story and the cops will come get him and put him away. It really sounds like a terrible thing to do ,but it's called tough love and you don't want to see your son die.And it's a law today that you have to have insurance,and he can get it ,no problem.It's no cost if he's not working, and little cost if he is.Been their done that.Good luck,i know how you feel.I pray for my son everyday.

Answer 5

let me just say I have been what you been through and it is the the toughest thing in the world.  My brother strugled with cocaine addition for many many years.  You want to help them, and the one thing i learned is that they are not ready to recieve help until they are ready.  There were many times my brother was on his death bed---its a scary thing.  I would reccomend doing an intervention this will help him see he can get help.  Chances are he is hanging around the wrong crowd--your son needs tough love.  A intervention would help.  I would also recomend having him get away from the people he is with now--this will be hard.  If you ever need to talk please email me.  If it helps my brother has been clean for about three years now and there were many close calls to death before.  I really feel for you and your family now

Answer 6

Try and talk to him and get him some counseling. I think he would benefit from it. I will pray for him too.

Answer 7

Try to convince him to go to residential treatment center that will entertain him. A treatment center that is willing to help him get rid of his condition right now.  

Answer 8

I know it is hard, being that he is 21, there is only so much you can do. Being a former addict myself, I am only speaking what I know. He has to be ready to change his life, and really want to get clean, if he is not ready, there isn't much you can do. But pray. When we are living this kind of life, we aren't thinking about anything except how soon we can get out the hospital and when we can get high again. Just let him know that you are there for him and you love him very much, and that if he wants help, contact local HRS office and see if maybe they can help with insurance. This may be a long shot, but maybe you check with the TV show Intervention, I know they have excellent results. Good luck and just let him know you are always there for him, because having a mental illness like BP or something and being an addict, we are fighting two battles at the same time, because we are self medicating to help the mental illness, and really we are only making it worse for ourselves, it is a vicious cycle that is hard to stop. Here is my email, feel free to contact me anytime, I am always online.

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Answer 9

bring him home and chain him up in a padded cell let him go certificaly insane then put him in a asylum, cold Turkey yum