How can I help my step daughter adjust?

Question

My husband and I have been married since May and we both have children from a previous marriage. For the most part things run smoothly, but my step daughter age 8 is having a really hard time. She used to be the baby, but I have two younger daughters and she used to be the only girl. She feels like she is being cheated out of time with her Dad and I'm not sure how to help her. Any Ideas??

Answer 1

Yeah, sadly, she is being cheated.  

Daddy and her need some special father daughter time. She probably only gets to see her daddy in short spurts as it is, and your daughters get to see him all the time.  He's more there for your daughters than he is for his own daughter.  They need to go off together on weekends without the extras.

Had you asked about this before getting married, I would have told you to hold off until all kids were grown, so none of the kids would be getting cheated.

Answer 2

I went through that with my stepdaughter, who thought she was being cheated out of time with her mom.  I had to remind her that she now also had a dad to spend time with and made a point of taking her out to dinner or lunch, alone or with her brother, and that seemed to make a difference.  If you can, take her out to lunch, go shopping with her alone, anything to make her feel special.  And let her share in your raising your two girls.  In time, she'll see how much your girls look up to her as a big sister.

All adjustments take time.  Bonding, when it happens, doesn't take place over night.  It's a learning experience for all.  Good luck.

Answer 3

I can see how she feels.

Once a month (maybe twice a month) your hubby should designate a whole day dedicated to her so that they can spend time together without any other children.

It's good that you are taking time out to inquire about this.It shows that you care :)

Answer 4

First of all, I think you are a good step-mother for being concerned and wanting to help her be comfortable.  I agree with the daddy daughter time, having uninterupted time each week to do something special with her dad may help her adjust.  

Answer 5

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Answer 6

have them have a daddy daughter date where its just him and his daughter..