How can I help my unpopular 10-year-old?

Question

My son, 10, told his sister that kids seemed to act like he was invisible, at school. His best friend moved (left the US) and now my son really doesn't have friends. He's a sweet, bright boy with some unusual interests (loves old TV, writes books, loves to sing) and he wears a knee brace so he's not too athletic. He's got a great sense of humor, and is kind. Sometimes he's a bit inattentive, in his own world, so this might put some kids off. I've been distracted this year by a sibling's crisis, and so I haven't focused on supporting him in playdates, etc., but I wish I had. What can I do now to help him build friendships? Also, what kinds of things at home would be fun things for him to enjoy with other kids? We have a PlayStation, computer. Our driveway's too uneven for a basketball hoop...what's worked for your 10 year old?

He's only a year away from middle school, with all its pressures, so I really want him to be able to feel good about having friends.

Thanks for your hel

Answer 1

you cant do anythink its up to your 10 years old boy

Answer 2

Find him an activity he enjoys and sign him up for it. My girls have alot more friends than my son and I ache for him sometimes. Its hard not having friends in his class (his good friend moved too). When he brings it up I try to comfort him and say its better to have friends that truly like you than friends that only want something from you. We try to keep him in activities so even if he doesn't have "friends" from them, he still knows alot of kids that he has common interests with.

Answer 3

Do you know any of the other parents in his grade?  Maybe you could call and set up a time for the kids to get together.  Encourage him to get into activities that other kids his age are in  (soccer, baseball, etc).

Answer 4

Since its almost summer, i would sign him up for day camp so maybe he can make some friends there - try to invite some kids over afterwards. Also, try to get a class list for his class for next year and over the summer invite some of the kids over  - pizza etc.  He won't click with everyone, but if he puts the effort in, over time he will begin to make friends.  You help lead the way.  

any kids in the neighborhood close to his age?  have them over too, or try to get him included when those kids play - I did that in our neighborhood for our son when we moved there - after a couple of months of watching him "watch" all the other kids play - i just walked out with him, introduced him to the boys and asked if he could play with them.  They sort of just stared at me blankly but said yes - he now plays with them a few times a week.

Also, you mentioned he liked to sing - get him involved in voice/musicals - this might be a great group he will have similar interests with and also could be a good confidence builder.  I hope this helps - good luck!

Answer 5

I'd start by talking to his teacher. Maybe there is another child in class he does click with and you can start there with play dates, birthday party invitations, etc. At that age, video games are perfect. Try also movies and bowling. There's only so much you can do for him, but I think it's a good start. Good luck!

Answer 6

What works for my kids is not getting involved.  Not all kids are going to be "popular".  Some kids are loners by nature and don't need nor want a lot of friends.  I will suggest getting him involved in constructive activities like marital arts (one doesn't have to be athletic) and scouting.  Stop trying to make your home a mecca for kids, that's only adding insult to injury.