How can I improve her mood?

Question

An elderly relative lives with my family.

She is very negative. She complains a lot about things that arent important, and is unfairly critical of everything we do. As a result, its hard to be around her, and so she doesnt get as much company as she would like.

I understand why she is grumpy, her health is bad. And she's had to leave her own home where everything was done her way, so its an adjustment. We are adjusting too.

I dont want her to be lonely, and I dont want her to be in a nursing home. So basically I am looking for ideas and ways to improve her mood, and make her more pleasant to be around.

Please share your experiences if you've been through something similar?

Answer 1

Their isn't a lot positive about aging and being ill and having to leave all that is familiar behind. Does she have any nice stories or memories from her past about when she did something fun or funny? Can you get her to talking about happier things. With kids, the best tactic is to distract them with something that they like. It might work with the elderly, too.  

Answer 2

Depression and anxiety are hard to cope with when a person refuses to take any medication. Try to find things to keep her busy such as going to a senior center etc.  

Answer 3

She is probably suffering from depression.  Get a mild medication for her.

Answer 4

Are you sure that you are not talking about my mom? The only thing that does not sound like my mom is the fact that she still lives in her own house with dad. Other than that, she sounds like mom in every way. Her doctor will prescribe medicine for her and she will not take it because, as she says ''I am not taking drugs''. She is a very negative type person. Sad thing is she don't realize just how negative that she really is. When a person is always negative about everything, they are not very pleasant to be around at all. She gripes when folks don't come around to see her and dad but yet when they do come here, she just gripes about everything possible and then some. I don't think that her problem is so much that she is sick, because my dad can't do half as much as mom and she had a stroke about 3 years ago. Dad is for the most part very mild and easy going. I think where most of the problem lies with the elderly is the fact that they are getting older and the older they are getting the less they can do. They can remember the things they use to do when they were younger that they can no longer do. What I try to do with my mom is find a subject that will put her in a good mood. Sometimes it works and sometimes it don't. When things really get tough being around mom, I either try to talk to her about her being so negative so as she will realize just how bad she is getting or else I end up just getting away from her for awhile. I can tell you that mom can be a very bull headed person from time to time. Boy the stories I could tell you about her. She has her way of doing things and we have our way of doing things. The end results is the same, it is just not done her way and she gets upset.

Answer 5

Mabey you should put her on here and have people share there experience with her.

I have a mean old great ant living in vegas that I could tell you some messed up stories about. Like just for a taist the n***s told her if she left Germany they would go after her family. So she left Germany alone.

I know you feel bad sometimes but it's a hard world. If your rude to people and not cool you may die alone. And the people will feel bad about it too. BE NICE

Answer 6

If she is still of sound mind, sit down to talk with her, not at her. Explain that  you feel empathy for her, and you would like to know how you can make her life better. Keep smiling. Make it seem like you are on her side (if there are sides) and that your purpose is to make her happy, within reason. Maybe she knows exactly what she would like.

After  you've talked for a while, explain to her that everyone would like for her to be happy, but that everyone is more receptive to friendliness than grumpiness.

I am going through a one-month recovery period where my husband and others who are coming in are doing a lot for me. I am in a lot of pain, but I also know who is sacrificing to make sure that I am as comfortable as possible. So, even though I am not feeling terrible friendly, I am making sure I am polite and gracious to everyone who is helping. It's not phony, but it is hard to be happy and grateful when you are in pain.

Maybe try to put yourself in her place, and look through her eyes.

Thank you for doing all you are doing. I'm sure she does appreciate it, even if she doesn't know how to express herself. Maybe she's never been in this kind of position before, and has always been independent.

Answer 7

Ask doctor to put on a lite antidepressant my dads on one and he didn't know it til i told him if she doesn't listen to doc why cant you hide it in something its been great for my dad hes 86  and whats he got to loose or she its worth a try.

Answer 8

Maybe you should try and get her interested in church and the Senior Citizen Center!!!  Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 9

Is her attitude different than it was prior to her health problems? I would consider the type of person she once was to now. Sure, health reasons can cause a person to not only feel bad, but can affect their personality. Without doing something prescription wise, you might look at what are some things in her life that have been her happiest moments, and share time talking about them. Perhaps there is a project that you could work on with her, something that she use to do as a hobby. Just take some interest allowing her to know that you do care. You can set an example by being cheerful, even if she is grumpy to you. Don't give in to it, but don't be really sugary sweet, meaning be genuine and sincere in how you treat her. I'm not saying it will work 100%, but it's worth a try. If you stick with it long enough, she may come around and start seeing that being crabby in not an attractive attribute. Our attitudes in life affect our mental and physical health status. If you are still concerned, perhaps her doctor could make some suggestions on medications. It's really tough when you don't feel good, then throw in having to move in with family, and giving up your independence and privacy. Find a way that she is able to have her space if she needs it. Everyone needs their own space. Good luck.

Answer 10

You could consult a physician. There might be a mood altering medication that may help her.  

Answer 11

The best to deal with the elderly is to tell them the truth, tell her to ship up or she will have to ship out  as your nerves cant take it.