How can I improve my interview essay?

Question

Julia Duncan

Professor Veach

English 101

17 July 2008

Interview Essay

It’s interesting that you never really know a friend until you talk to them for the ten-thousandth time you can talk to them for days on end about nothing but never really get an aspect of what they are about. From interviewing my intelligent friend Katherine Smith, I now understand why she is so motivated to do what she does. She is superbly wise for her age of eighteen because she has already taken a local community college Spanish class and English class. How many eighteen year olds can say that they have completed the tiresome workload and stressful conditions of two college classes along with their senior high school classes? Not many can say that they have worked hard on their SAT’s to get into a prestigious school like Arizona State University, but Katherine Smith has.

Although she became somewhat indecisive about picking her major, she said, “I kind of fell into Graphic Design”, she told me in my exclusive interview with her about her major and future in the job world. She told me, “I’m still not sure if it is what I want to do, I like to draw, but you just can never know about these things.” I nodded and laughed and agreed with her. Next, I asked if graphic designing is a competitive business to get into and she surprised me when she said, “This major is very competitive, out of one-hundred and forty people who apply for a graphic design major, only about half are going to be able to get into it, and it highly depends on your grades.” I wondered if ASU was the best school for this, and asked her if it was. She told me, “Yes, it is a good school for graphic design and it is a great place to start, but I am really not sure where I will end up.”

Furthermore, I asked her how she was paying for her college career. I was stunned when she told me, “I didn’t receive a scholarship, unfortunately.” She added, “I am going to be working very hard because my parents are helping to pay for all my college funds.” The next question I asked was what do you mean by working hard? She told me, “by working hard I mean, my parents only expect me to maintain a 2.5 GPA, but I am going to surprise them by keeping a 3.5 GPA or higher.” She said it slyly and she seemed so motivated to make good grades it was somewhat intimidating. She also told me that her college job would be working on the ASU campus. I asked her, what will be the job that you have on campus? She replied in a comedic manner, “anything to pay for college, the sad thing is that I will never get to see any of the money I work for because it is all going to my college funds.”

Then she reminded me that her parents were paying for her college funds and she added that she has rules that she must abide by and if she doesn’t then her parents will no longer pay for her college funds. She told me the rules were, “I cannot get pregnant, use drugs nor have any involvement with the police. I wondered now how her Graphic designing ideas had all started. She said, “I had a tour of Arizona State University when I turned fourteen years old and since then I had dreams of getting into accounting and sowing. But when my math grades started to descend downward and those dreams turned into dust.” I was surprised that she had trouble in math because she is so outgoing and smart but now I knew that she had some tough times just like everyone else. She added that, “I have never been into science, and becoming a Nuclear Physicist was just not an option, but I knew that I loved to draw.”

Therefore, her love of art conquered all and she wanted a major as a Graphic Designer, whether or not she had a scholarship. She showed me to not give up on what I want to do even if I just “fall into it.” Not giving up on Katherine’s part showed that she has great stamina and persistence. I now know what kind of a person Katherine is inside and out and it only took a few questions. She is a great person who I will never forget down the road. I figured if my friend’s major does not ensue then I know she will have succeeded in anything she decides to go after because of her endurance and her personality.

Answer 1

It’s(DO NOT USE CONTRACTIONS IN AN ESSAY) interesting that you never really know a friend until you talk to them for the ten-thousandth time(PERIOD) you can talk to them for days on end about nothing but never really get an aspect of what they are about. From interviewing my intelligent (YOU STATED YOU DID NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT HER, TRY NOT TO LABEL HER INTELLIGENT BEFORE YOU OFFER YOUR ANALYSIS ON WHY SHE IS) friend Katherine Smith, I now understand why she is so motivated to do what she does. She is superbly (WORD CHOICE) wise for her age of eighteen because she has already taken a local community college Spanish (DELETED) and English class. How many eighteen year olds can say that they have completed the tiresome workload and stressful conditions of two college classes along with their senior high school classes? Not many can say that they have worked hard on their SAT’s to get into a prestigious school like Arizona State University, but Katherine Smith has. (PRESUMPTIOUS SENTENCE)

Although she became somewhat indecisive about picking her major, she said, “I kind of fell into Graphic Design”, she told me in my exclusive interview with her about her major and future in the job world. She told me, “I’m still not sure if it is what I want to do, I like to draw, but you just can never know about these things.” I nodded and laughed and agreed with her. (REDUNANT) Next, I asked if graphic designing is a competitive business to get into and she surprised me when she said, “This major is very competitive, out of one-hundred and forty people who apply for a graphic design major, only about half are going to be able to get into it, and it highly depends on your grades.” I wondered if ASU was the best school for this, and asked her if it was. She told me, “Yes, it is a good school for graphic design and it is a great place to start, but I am really not sure where I will end up.”

Furthermore, I asked her how she was paying for her college career. I was stunned when she told me, “I didn’t receive a scholarship, unfortunately.” She added, “I am going to be working very hard because my parents are helping to pay for all my college funds.” The next question I asked was what do you mean by working hard? She told me, “by working hard I mean, my parents only expect me to maintain a 2.5 GPA, but I am going to surprise them by keeping a 3.5 GPA or higher.” She said it slyly and she seemed so motivated to make good grades it was somewhat intimidating. She also told me that her college job would be working on the ASU campus. I asked her, what will be the job that you (YOUR ADDRESSING THE READER NOT HER) have on campus? She replied in a comedic manner, “anything to pay for college, the sad thing is that I will never get to see any of the money I work for because it is all going to my college funds.”

Then she reminded me that her parents were paying for her college funds and she added that she has rules that she must abide by and if she doesn’t then her parents will no longer pay for her college funds. She told me the rules were, “I cannot get pregnant, use drugs nor have any involvement with the police. I wondered now how her Graphic designing ideas had all started. She said, “I had a tour of Arizona State University when I turned fourteen years old and since then I had dreams of getting into accounting and sowing. But when my math grades started to descend downward and those dreams turned into dust.” I was surprised that she had trouble in math because she is so outgoing and smart but now I knew (TENSE AGREEMENT) that she had some tough times just like everyone else. She added that, “I have never been into science, and becoming a Nuclear Physicist was just not an option, but I knew that I loved to draw.”

Therefore, her love of art conquered all and she wanted a major as a Graphic Designer, whether or not she had a scholarship. She showed me to not give up on what I want to do even if I just “fall into it.” Not giving up on Katherine’s part showed that she has great stamina and persistence. I now know what kind of a person Katherine is inside and out and it only took a few questions. She is a great person who I will never forget down the road(AVIOD VERBAL WRITING). I figured if my friend’s major does not ensue(WORD CHOICE) then I know she will have succeeded in anything she decides to go after because of her endurance and her personality.

It's okay, and that's about it. I would revise it for clarity issues.