How can I instill more confidence in my 5 year old?

Question

My daughter and her best friend have the same flip flops, on the ride to daycare today my daughter was just casually talking about how her friend told her to pull the hearts off of her flip flops, and her friend has had her flip flops longer so they are more worn, then my daughters. My daughter just got them like 2 weeks ago the most, and there are alot of the hearts missing on them, and I know its because she has been pulling them off. I feel like her friend did that so that my daughter's flip flops would look worn too, so how can I help my daughter to have enough confidence to be able to say, "no I am not going to ruin my stuff"?

Answer 1

She's only five. Kids that age will do alot to fit in, even if it seems silly to us. Just let her know how much prettier they looked when they had the hearts on them, but if she liked it that way it's fine too. Make sure she understands that you're not condescending, just that you think her opinion matters more than her friend's.

Answer 2

Well, the question is, did your daughter want to rip them off, or was she pressured to and felt badly afterward?

If she wanted to rip them off and did so willingly, then it's not a self confidence issue. It's more of a "Sometimes friends have bad ideas" thing.

But, if she felt pressure from her friend and didn't want to rip them off and regretted doing so, then that would be a self confidence/peer pressure issue.

I would just ask her about it, and see what was going on. Reinforce her intuition -- if it made her uncomfortable, she should listen to that voice in her head.

Try to maintain objectivity when talking about it, because you're trying to teach her to think for herself and make the right decisions. If you're sitting there annoyed that she picked off hearts of her brand new shoes, she's just going to see that she ticked you off, and she still won't make the right choices -- she's just choosing a different person to tell her what to do.