How can I learn to deal with the loss of a beloved pet?

Question

I love having pets but it's so unfair that you only have 10-20 years with your dogs and cats (sometimes less). I have lost 2 elderly cats (19 and 18 yrs. old) in the past year. Now, my 14 year old cat has been diagnosed with kidney failure! I'm so sad! I don't think I can deal with another loss. He went through a lot with me including years of a serious drug addiction. He means so much to me.

Answer 1

Set up a free internet memorial at www.imorial.com. Let's you post pictures also. The link at the bottom is the site that my sister made for our Grandmother's dog.

Answer 2

I understand what you are dealing with as I have two 18 &19 year old cats myself that have many medical problems. I will soon be facing this myself.I have had many animals in my life and have had to go thru losing them. Let me tell you some of the things that have helped me get thru the experience. All of my animals are buried on my land and have markers on their graves. I feel like this keeps them near me so I can always take care of them. Another thing that has helped me deal with the loss was a habit that one of my vets had that when one the animals in his practice died he would make a donation to Purdue Veterinary School. This made the loss more positive in that with my animals passing it was helping another animal to be saved. Another thing is one of the rescues in my area lets you put a memorial for your pet on their website. You are free to put anything down that you want and I have found that just writting down how special that pet was helps me to heal, I also give them a donation in the animals name and it goes to help a resuce animal find a forever home. I think the most improtant way I heal is to later go rescue another animal. How could we better honor their memory than to save another animal. These are a few of the things that have helped me go thru losing an animal that I love so dearly and I hope it helps you.

Answer 3

How about volinteering at the SPCA ... right now they and other rescue organizations need help with foster care.

Some are kittens that have lost thier moms and need to be nursed with a bottle.

I know how it is to loose our "babies"  I right now have a 19 yr old and she sleeps in my bed now because I want her near me as long as I can.

I think volinteering will help with your grief and give you a distraction.  This is a really needed service.

good luck.

Answer 4

I'm going through a similar situation. Over the past year one of my older cats ran away and never returned, and another one died. I have 2 cats left, but one of them is really really skinny now and we don't have money to take her to the vet so we're not really doing anything about it, just letting her die :( It's so sad. She eats all the time, but she must have a thyroid problem or something.

But anyway, it's okay to mourn for your cat for a little while, but you need to move on eventually. Try and get another pet to keep you company.

Answer 5

Well.Cats or dogs are not humans that they will live forever.You should take your attention in other things and be busy or find a new pet.

Answer 6

That's awesome that you are such a loving and devoted pet owner, but it is so sad to lose the pets that become like family to us!  I know your pet was there for you through hard times, but he pulled you through!  Be thankful for the years you had together and don't ever for get him.  But, you will have to move on when he's gone.  Try going to the animal shelter and find a sweet kitty that needs the love that you can offer to him/her... give it the love the your other kitty gave you!  (What comes around goes around!) There is a kitty out there that is having a hard time & needs your love and a special place to call home for the next 10-20 years!  You're gonna long for the companionship too!

Answer 7

Firstly, sorry for your loss. I've lost two of my dogs and it is just awful. But you have to accept that they are gone now. Try helping out at the SPCA as well, as millions of unwanted cats and dogs are euthanised every day due to them being unwanted. Its a good feeling to help out, and save cats that could pass away just like yours did. Be greatful that they were with you for so long and mourn them, but unfortunately they don't live forever. I'm really sorry. :(

Answer 8

I've found that getting a new pet usually helps with the coping process. You aren't replacing the pet that you've lost you are simply bringing in a new animal to help fill that void that you have in your life after you lose a pet.

Answer 9

I agree with some other posters about planting a tree or some other memorial.

Though I have to disagree with working in a cat shelter.  I personally couldn't even look or touch another cat for years without being reduced to sobbing. It was embarrassing, I would go out and see other cats and try to pet them and within minutes  I would be sobbing.   I looked quite mad.

I literally had to stop thinking about my cat for a few months.  Literally as she came into my mind I would push her back out again. It's only now two years later,  I feel I am finally past that and can think of her with happy thoughts and memories.  Take your time.  There is no easy way to get over the loss of a pet.

My sympathies.

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your losses.  Pets, despite what people say, can be as dear and close to us as children.  I had to put my cat down at 6 years old due to bladder stones and not being able to afford the surgery.  It totally sucks,  I have been doing some fun things to remember about PJ.  I love photography, and I look lots of pictures of him before I took him to the vet.  I made a collage of pictures, and making a scrapbook of him.  I also a did a video of him too, with some music in the background with the pictures.

Around the house I have made his cat tree a small shrine of his toys he loves, and some pictures on it of him.  

I am also looking into getting another kitten, I am giving it another month to process it a  bit more.

the other thing I am doing which may sound funny, but I am doing some grief counselling, and it has been helping a great deal.  He may be a cat, but we still need to grieve.  

I hope my situation has helped you a little bit.

Answer 11

I know exactly how you feel.  I have only ever lost one cat, but I don't think I ever really got over losing her.  I can now remember the great times that we had though, not just the bad, and it was ALL bad the begin with, believe me.  I was in a dark, dark place.  But, that isn't what she would have wanted, and I knew that she was no longer suffering.

There were a few things that in hindsight, did help.  We planted a tree in our garden, right where we buried her.  Over time it's become strong, and really is beautiful.  I love looking at the tree, seeing the birds sitting on it, and thinking how they wouldn't be sitting there if skuz was underneath!

Losing a pet is like losing a family member - they're with you through thick and thin, only they don't have harsh words or putdowns, just big loving eyes that tell you they will be there for you whatever happens.  And they mean it too.

I think I just replied to your last post about your cat being diagnosed with CRF.  The cat I'm referring to died from CRF so I completely know where you're coming from.  CRF is a very cruel disease, but with the right meds and diet, your cat can still enjoy a good life and could clock up another couple of years before you finally have to say goodbye.  Cherish the time you have with him, love him, and when the time comes, be strong for him.

Answer 12

I can understand. People say that pets are not people there for it's no big deal when they die. This is to some people a very hard slap to the face because when you raise a pet from birth to death or even just having it for years on end, it becomes a big part of the family. You fall in love with them and cherish their company and companionship. I have a cat that will probably pass soon and I will cry when she goes because I will miss her dearly. Getting  a new pet may help with the loneliness, just remember it's not you trying to replace your other pet it's you trying to become happy again. But yes distract yourself with other  things maybe helping animals or just something. There's no real answer how to help make things less hard when it comes to death, other than to accept it, mourn, and try and make it better through time.....pets are family and family would never want to see you upset.

Answer 13

We are a multi-cat and dog family of which the majority are now reaching between the ages of 8 to 12 years of age.

All are rescue, tamed ferals or strays with questionable genetic backgrounds and over the years reoccuring health problems.  In 2007 we lost 4 of our precious fur-kids so I understand how you must be feeling.  I have reached a point that when any of the others even look at me like they might be sick I go into a huge panic state and automatically assume that their going to die on me.  Even my vet has begged me to relax and stop being so parnoid.

There is nothing I can do to help make it any easier on either one of us; the loss is hard, but so would be the idea of never having had a chance to know or love these babies.  And you as a human bring SO much more than you will ever fully appreciate to the lives of these animals when you consider that there are SO many out there that will never know what its like to be safe and warm and fed and loved by a human.

I take lots of pictures of my pets, and one of the first things I did last year to help myself get over the grief of their passing was to create slide presentations of all their pictures over the years, set to music in honor and memory of them.  I did a lot of crying in the process, but thats normal and its a step in the right direction to get you toward healing.  It won't get easier and no matter how many pets you have, each one has a special place in our house and homes and they are missed terribly when they are gone.  But the grief will eventually turn to fond memories.

Hang in there! Bless you!

Answer 14

I would also suggest volunteering at the SPCA or a local animal shelter. Also look for grief counseling for Pets. I am sure they have something like that out in the world. I understand your pain I lost a pet of 17 years and the support of fellow animal lovers does help.