How can I learn to love/care about my most challenging students unconditionally?

Question

I love my students and put a lot of time, energy and money into giving them the most of their second grade experience.

HOWEVER, there is one child that I am struggling to love.

She reminds me of the bad seed -- she lies in dangerous ways. Ie: She told me that a little boy in our class grabbed her around the neck while they were in the coat closet and said if she didn't let him touch her and kiss her, he was going to hurt her worse.

Then, after much investigation, it turns out SHE intiated the kissing.

They put her on inschool suspension and it didn't even phase her. She was skipping and singing in the hallway as soon as she left the principals office.

In class she is extremely needy even though she's VERY intelligent and can do advanced work on her own. She whines and pouts constantly if she doesn't her EXACT way.

Talking to her parents doesn't help.

Answer 1

WHAT you should of never of let them kiss in the room you claiming you are "preoccupied" is all lies , im suppriced you wasnt given an verbal warning/ sacked for not taking your duties seriously surely whilst they was away you was wondering where they was?? but NO you claim to be "preoccupied".

If I was the headteacher i say you need a assistant teacher to help you becuase you clearly are to "preoccupied"!

Also dont post things about asking how to love your students its unproffesional you cant engage in relationships with your pupils you cold get sacked for that, the students might claim you sexually assualted them or whatever, rethink about your posting title (using the word Love students not a good idea)

Answer 2

I read your question and realized that I didn't have a very good answer!!!

I know how difficult it can be to deal with children of this nature, and that there are no quick fixes.

However, I once attended training by an educational psychologist in London who has a range of materials and books for sale on his website which may help you to address this situation and help this child to become more manageable, and make your life as her teacher easier. Good Luck!

http://www.roblong.co.uk/

Answer 3

What a question. You are under no obligation to love unconditionally. Are you a teacher, or in training to be the next St Francis of Assisi? She sounds like a manipulative little b!!tch, so be tough and let her pout.

Answer 4

I am not a teacher.  I have worked with students, though, in an after school fashion.  I spend far less time with them than a teacher and I hated that because I couldn't do anything that would stick for the next time.  So I just had to hope I'd get student that would listen.  

However, if I were in your position I would think it would be similar to dealing with people you don't like in general.  Like horrible family member or someone you have to work with.  If you have a similar thinking as I do you want to just not be at constant war with people and you just want to be ok.  I don't like everyone but I'm not going to sit there and make sure they know it every second of ever moment like some people do.  So instead I have to think and preform differently.  

Now that's not easy.  It's difficult being different in a calm manner.  I think if you sit down and write down all the things you just don't like about her. Everything.  Then write down everything you like about her, you admire about her, that makes her special and nothing like anyone else. Write down the potential of her.  

Then look at the other paper where you wrote down all those things you don't like about her and ask yourself what is it that would cause a student to be that way?  Then you can list off what you think.  

Now when you decide what it is you want to do you need to remember that you have to stick with one way.  Children love consistency.  They may not state that but they like to know what they can and cannot do.  If you make it clear what can and cannot be done by ALL students without exception then the students will see that you are not favoring one over the other (a problem that might be happening).

I think that if you choose to do firm but fair and caring with her that it would work.  The problem is that when you start to do something with a child that is aggressive they start to act more out.  They become worse.  But that's how it works.  They become worse because they are testing you to see if you'll break from what you are doing but if you continue, tirelessly, they'll end up having to quit and conform because they can't keep it up for that long.  Aggressive students are mainly just an act.  They force other students to do things because otherwise they'd never get it, or so they think.  They might not get the attention they want at home.

Hope that helped a bit.