How can I love the husband?

Question

I know I made a mistake to marry my husband when I was only 22 and without the love feeling. I thought it's not important to me. Most important is that he is responsible, care for me and loyal to the family. And both of us have those qualities and we worked very hard to where we are now, with 2 young kids and financially okay. But I found that I'm not happy at all. I don;t love him, the way how he puts effort into work but not much reward, the way how he handles things just upset me and our s*x life really sucks.... I have no chemistry for him. I just don;t have the feeling with him. But I know I have to stick with this marriage for the sake of the kids, plus, husband isn't a bad person, just he isn't the type I can fall in love with. Can I love him and how?

Answer 1

If you don't love him, and apparently never did, it's unfair to be with him simply for the sake of the kids.  You're wasting both your life and your husband's.  How can it be about keeping the kids happy when they see a crappy marriage between you and your husband?  Children can pick up on these things.  Do your kids seem happy?  I bet they would be a lot happier if they saw you at your happiest.

Answer 2

Counseling is the best option but also try to look at his good points and think about the many women who are not so lucky as you because they don't have such a good life.

I do not advocate to stay in a marriage because of the children because that it is never going to work and you will be giving your children a bad example.  However, if that is what you have chosen try to make the best of the situation.

Good luck!!!

Answer 3

WELL HELLO! why the h**l did you say I do if you didn't love him.. and you must of liked something about him if you have 2 small childern..

honestly sadly enuff the ones that are suffering are your kids.. rather you belive it or not.. kids aren't stupid and they don't learn by what you say, its what you do that they learn by.. SO get a Grip!

Answer 4

Not being funny but this is why marriages don't last. People get married just to get married. And its ridiculous. The media has a heavy role in why society values are so low.  

Answer 5

Not a good move.  Maybe you could try becoming friends with him.  Go out on date to talk and get to know each other again.  Talk to him about the things that you have in common that make you both happy, like the kids.  I don't know that you can learn to love him but you could have a descent relationship with someone that you care about.  Don't stay for the kids.  You aren't doing them any favors because they can sense your unhappiness.  You'll just have them blaming themselves for mommy not being happy.

Answer 6

I think you need to hang in there and find ways of making you happy until your children are older. People are going to say that 22 is too young - BS you knew what you were doing - now find a way to make it work.

Answer 7

You have set your mind that you cant love him. s*x is in mind. You start diverting your mind in something different than the daily routines. Give some time for listening to some songs and reading and watching TV. You yourself confess he is not a bad person. If I hear his version of story he might come out with the same complaints you have. Married life has lots of give and takes involved in that. Freshen up your mind body and soul and fall in love with him and enjoy each and every bit of married life.. All the best

Answer 8

No one can tell you how to fall in love with someone, or if you can love someone. No offense but you shouldn't have married him if you didn't love him from the very beginning, it's not fair to him and  just doesn't make sense.  

Answer 9

now try to love, you will find yourself in a lovely family.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to hear your situation.  You never said how old you are now, or how long you've been married.  I leaning toward believing that you got pregnant before marriage, never a good reason to get married.

You and your husband need to take some time for just the 2 of you, send the kids to gramma's for a while.  Talk alot, be romantic like you were first dating, and get to know one another again.

Don't give up on the marriage just because the 'warm fuzzy' feeling is gone.

To answer your last question: Love is NOT a feeling.  Love is a verb.  Love demands action.  Different people see and express love in different ways.  Physical (hugs, kisses, etc.), Verbal, Spending Time, Spending Money, all of these things can be expressions of love.  You need to figure out what way you like to express your love the most as well as how you like love to be expressed to you.  Do the same for your husband.  Finding this out might show that you really do love him, and he really does love you.

Wish you the best...

Answer 11

Marriage counseling! You need to communicate more! Your children deserve this and you too!

Answer 12

Even after having d kids.. u don love him????

oopssss!!!

Mam,

Now dat u had spent much time with him, u have kids, i think ders no point in leaving him coz he is good with u!!

Where there is a will, ders a way

if u really wish to get with him and accept him and love him from heart now, then notice him only , spend time with him with ur heart, try to get his good things out and admire, u will surely love him after all d time u ppl had married buddy!!!

All d best!!

Answer 13

Are you sure you dont love him?

It might be that you feel like you missed out on life - and that marrying before you were ready was taking a part of your youth.

For some, maybe your love is a soft love - and not the rockstar kind.

Answer 14

Same situation here.....Im only in it for the kids & security now adays.

Answer 15

you are a Lucky lady you have what wish every women in that world

i want you to look at him on the way he react ,the way he treat your children's .then i want you to picture your self without him .

love isn't only chemistry ,cause we create the chemistry moments and it's what you have to do .

take a vacation go somewhere alone ,dress up for him ,be his princess then you will feel like a princess

Answer 16

why did you marry him if you were not in love with him and than to involve children makes it even worse. I'm surprised you don't have any sort of feeling of love toward him considering he fathered your children and you said he takes care of you and is good to you  those are all reasons "to" love him many woman would love to have that and as far as your s*x life what you make of it is what will be of it you have alot of growing up to do