How can I make him stop???

Question

I feel like I cant even disagree with my husband anymore. Ok let me back track... We've been together for 6 yrs. After we got married as embarassed as I am to admit, I turned into a not so nice wife and got pretty disrespectful to him and the relationship in general. We almost divorced over it. I asked him to be patient with me and work with me and I would try my best to change. Well he did. He would let me know nicely but firmly that "I dont appreciate being talked to like this. You need to stop screaming at me now" Ok fast forward to present day. I HAVE CHANGED. No I dont claim I'm wife of the year but I rarely nag , yell, scream or am rude in any way to my husband. Even yet it seem like the nicer and more compliant I become the further he pushes it to the point that I cant even disagree with him without being told I'm being disrespctful and rude to him. Help??????

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do but back your words up with actions. He has stuck with you through it all so you need to really step it up and get better.  

Answer 2

I think he's lost some perspective, and the power shift in your relationship has gone to his head.  It may be just second nature now to criticize without even thinking about it anymore.  

You need to have a long heart to heart talk.  Maybe without solid goals in place your marriage is just going along rudderless and directionless.

Also with the give, there is always a get.  Your husband needs to give you patience, and be softer with his criticism.  Also he needs to actively be thinking about how his negative words can hurt you.

Marriage is an exercise in give and take, balance.

Answer 3

Try not to be so rude and disrespectful

Answer 4

You need to go to relationship counselling for communication, when you try and force change it can make you confused where the real you stops and the pretend begins.

If you have a third party properly informed and involved it will help no end and also take a lot of stress out of the situation.

Good Luck

Answer 5

What's the question...maybe you should just become a L*****n, lol I'm thinking about it. Really what's the question....

Answer 6

It sounds as if he learned that "controlling" you was a great benefit to him.  It is not right for a husband (or wife) to control a spouse in that manner.  Your going to have ideas and thoughts about things, in a loving relationship you should always be allowed to express yourself, in kind ways and to at least be heard.  Talk to him at a good time, and try to explain that things have gone too far in the other direction, that now as a couple you both need to find the middle ground for this.  And that when he starts pushing you (with words) your going to gently remind him that he is being rude and insensitive.  Communicate with him, and both of you try to find a way to show more love to one another in your words and actions.  I wish you the very best.  

Answer 7

Unfortunately it sounds like he has enjoyed this change of yours a little to much and is carrying it to the extreme.  He probably feels like he put up with so much that this is what he deserves.  You need to sit him down and tell him that there is a limit to this change and that it ends at the point he starts not treating you as an equal in this relationship.

Answer 8

give him a beer and tell him to go sit down somewhere and STFU

Answer 9

You both need to go to marriage couciling to learn how to  communicate with each other in a more constructive manner so no one gets upset.

Answer 10

Sit him down with you and say,

"I know when we first got married I was rude and disrespectful, I know that clearly and I admit to it. But I have changed for you, and I love you. I rarely ever nag or yell at all, because I wanted to live my life with you. But recently, you use my past against me by whenever I would accidentally lose myself and start to nag, you would use it against me. So if you could respect me and my emotions, I think we could turn this marriage into something great. Remember, I love you and respect you as my husband.