How can I make him understand that this is a wedding no-no?

Question

My good friend wants to propose to his girlfriend at his brothers wedding because he wants to do it in front of both families.

I told him that its a bad idea because it's his brother's day and he shouldn't take the spotlight. He said his brother is cool with it, but the bride has no idea about it. I think she'd be pissed (like any bride would be!) because it's THEIR day and it's wrong to take the spotlight

I told him that if he wants to do it in front of both families, then he shoud have them over for a meal or something like that.

How can I convince him that this is a bad idea and help him come up with another way to do it in front of both families?

Answer 1

Show him some etiquette websites....or even all these answers.

It is definitely a big no no to propose at someone else's wedding.

Answer 2

I agree with everyone else. Most Brides would be really upset.And his girl friend would probably like it better if he took the time to set up something special just for her when he proposes.  

Answer 3

Tell him that the bride will likely throw a fit, and even if she keeps her mouth shut she will probably be upset. It will offend other guests, and it puts the girlfriend in a tough spot if she says not. I would be tempted to steal the ring until after the wedding! Just tell him its not right and to talk to the bride. Its his funeral. If he INSISTS on doing it in front of family, have him throw her a birthday party when it comes around and make it a big family affair. I still think its a bad idea, but its appropriate at least. Show him the answers her if you must.

Answer 4

egads, what a dork. he may think it's romantic, but i can guarantee the bride won't...and there's a really good chance his girlfriend won't either. men may not realize just how important this time for the bride is, but you can be sure his girlfriend does . not only should the bride be given her time in the spotlight, but his girlfriend deserves it too. shouldn't she be allowed to celebrate and have people coo over her? she won't want that sort of attention at the wedding, assuming people even felt comfortable doing it in the first place. so not only for the sake of the bride, but also for his girlfriend should he wait until a different day. this is her chance to shine a little too, and why would he want to diminish that in any way?

the idea of mentioning it to the bride & rest of the family is probably the best you can do. between her and the rest of you talking to him, he might get the hint that this isn't the best idea all around. three weeks should be enough time to talk some sense into him. if not, then at least you did the best you could. chances are, if he's this inconsiderate of others' feelings now, he'd be damaging his relationship with his future sis-in-law in some other fashion later anyway.

Answer 5

Not only is that a rude thing to do to the bride, but what about his girlfriend?  Men really are clueless, aren't they?  What if she wants to say no??  Or ask for some time to think about it?  How is she going to feel, saying that in front of both families?  Ask him about that!

There's a reason men are supposed to propose in private!  It's to save them a lot of humiliation if things don't go so well, for one thing!  I would HATE being proposed to in public.  Even in a fancy restaurant, which is at least semi-private.  Now I know everyone is different and maybe his girlfriend would like it, but at someone else's wedding is such a HORRIBLE IDEA!!

Answer 6

I think you should point out every single other dimension in which he does not understand women.  Once he realizes that he doesn't speak a word of "Girl" then maybe you can convince him that though he won't understand it, proceeding with his plan could ruin the bride's day.

Answer 7

If he is h**l bent on doing it, I think you'll have hard time convincing him otherwise, but I would attempt blantantly tell him how stupid that idea is.

I was at a wedding where one of the bridesmaid's boyfriends proposed to her, and the bride will probably never speak to her again.  I know you don't get a week, but you do get a day and you friend needs to understand that.

I would go so far as to inform the groom and have the groom speak with him.  Maybe his brother can convince him that it would be a bad idea and would seriously hurt their relationship.

Answer 8

I'm going to have to agree with you - that's a big no-no. I think you should keep on looking out for the bride and trying to convince them that one day belongs to her and no one else. If you have to, involve her in the discussion. Surely he could think of another day to pop the question. Maybe he could do it at the rehearsal dinner instead?

Answer 9

Tell him that, out of common courtesy, he needs to get the bride's permission too. If she's ok with it, he can go ahead. If not, he needs to hold off.  

Answer 10

oh good lord. tie him to the chair if you have to...DON'T LET HIM DO THAT!!!  My friend got engaged before her cousin's wedding (just a few days before) and didn't even wear her ring to the wedding because she didn't want a signle bit of attention to be on her instead of the bride.  I did the same for my sister's highschool graduation.  It's THEIR time not mine.

Tell the bride his plan, she'll make him stop or tell him not to come.  I don't think his girlfriend would be too happy about it either.

Not even the rehersal dinner...still a bad idea. that is still meant to be about the wedding and word will travel the next day and they will still get far too much attention.  he should wait til AFTER!

Answer 11

You are correct!  He shouldn't take away from his brothers day.  It sounds like to me he might be jealous that his brother will be getting all the attention on HIS wedding day.  If he does this he as no respect for his brother.  Also, his girlfriend might not like being put on the spot in front of all those people.  Just tell him to do it the day after the wedding, but have enough respect for his brother and the bride not to do that.

Answer 12

He is out of his mind for not one, but two reasons.

1. his girlfriend may not want to be put on the spot like that, especially taking away the spotlight from the bride, and what if she doesn't want to say yes? She will be proposed to in front of all her family and friends and she will feel pressured. Proposals should be strictly private, unless she has been dropping huge "buy a ring, ask me to marry you, or die" bombs on him.

2. The bride, the bride's mother, grandmother, and other female relatives will butcher and barbecue him on the spot. All women know that this is suppose to be the bride's day. They will sympathize and all hate him.

Show him all these answers. He will get the hint. He has to. If he doesn't, start planning a funeral.

Answer 13

He should talk to the bride.  They are going to be family and if he makes her mad it will make family gathering horrible.

Answer 14

Make him speak to the bride first! Men have NO idea do they??

Answer 15

He says his bro is OK with it, but what about the bride?  If the bride isn't 100% gung ho, then he shouldn't do it, period.  Not fair to her.

Also he runs the risk of it not being OK with is girlfriend - I know many a young lady who would not be thrilled with her man proposing on a day dedicated to another couple.  I would feel that it was somehow cheapened for me, not to have my own special proposal all my own, plus I would be humiliated for taking attention away from the couple.

Answer 16

If someone ruined my day like that and stole my thunder at my wedding, I would jump across the table in my wedding gown, and knife him in the back.

And 99.99999% of brides would feel the same way.

Answer 17

maybe let the bride in on the little secret and have her express her feelings about it.. even if he did it at the rehersal would be different.. bad but better than at the wedding. ..  

Answer 18

Tell this guy that most woman would not like the idea of someone proposing to their girlfriend on her wedding day because it takes the attention away from the couple that just married.  Also mention his gf might not like the idea of stealing the bride's spotlight.  Te groom who said okay t this should have talked to his bride before agreeing.

Answer 19

Ugh. What a stupid, stupid, CARELESS thing to do. 10 bucks says the groom is not too happy about it, either, regardless of what this guy is saying.

You need to tell him that everyone will be mad at him for doing it because it's a HUGE social faux pas, and that his girlfriend will probably be really embarrassed, and that's NOT how he wants her to feel at her own proposal, is it?

My finace's cousin (also a groomsman in our wedding) wanted to propose to his girlfriend at our engagement party, and word got out fast that the family would be so mad at him, so he nixed that idea right away.

Say whatever you need to say to get this guy to NOT do this. he has no idea how ticked off and disappointed the bride will be, and how enraged the families will be as well.