How can I make my boyfriends visit with his mother better?

Question

My boyfriend is in Iraq, where he has been for a little over a year.The relationship he has with his mom is very strange. She wasnt a good mother while he was growing up, he was forced to live with his dad, and he really hasnt had much contact with her in the past few years.

He resents her so much for the past...and he dreads going to see her. He wont even call her, and hasnt in 2 years. What little communication they have is over the internet & email.

He isnt close to her family either. He has 2 little girls, that she doesnt even know. How can I make this better for him?

Answer 1

I don't think you should force the issue. Your bf obviously has what he views as valid reasons as to why he can not forgive his mother for his childhood.

As you no doubt know yourself, a mother is suposed to put her child/children first before themselves, his mother didn't do this, seems like she viewed herself as the most important person, not her son. With that sort of major rejection from the person who carried him for nine months & gave birth to him, that must have hurt your bf so much, that until you have actually been through it, it is difficult to understand & must have effected his self esteem in so many negative ways.

Perhaps you should speak to him when he returns home about his mother having some contact with her grand daughters, but your bf might feel that his mother is not a positive & appropriate role model to be in your children's lives & does not deserve the prilivige, which is totally understandable, given the circumstances of your bf's childhood.

Good Luck. X :-)

Answer 2

it really is his choice not to see her. all you can do is support his decision. it is a sad situation but only he lived the memories he has.

Answer 3

tell  here   i  hope  get better

Answer 4

You need to turn this situation around with the Mom. After all, she is his Mother. Secondly, my Grandma always told me when I was dating a guy to look at how he treats his Mom. That is how he will eventually treat you. I have seen it happen over and over again. It's true. Be careful, Sweetie. He has issues. Decide if you want to deal with them for the rest of your life.