How can I make my husband help out around the house?

Question

I feel like I do everything!! My husband's mom did everything for him at home so he expects the same from me! I clean, wash, cook, take care of our finances, take care of our 2 girls, take care of our 3 dogs (2 pitbulls and a chihuahua), he won't even take them them to the vet and they're his dogs. I even have to do the yardwork when it gets really bad. Not to mention that I too have a full time job. I'm just overwhelmed!! He won't even pick up after himself, he actually makes a bigger mess....throwing clothes on the floor, eating in the bedroom. Sometimes I leave the kitchen trash can full to see if he'll take it out...Yeah right!!! HELP.

Answer 1

You do everything because you have a lower threshold of discomfort than he does.  The solution is to bite back on your urge to do things and stop doing them.  Take care  of your children, of course, but to heck with the dogs.  Let them starve.  Likewise your husband.  Stop cooking for him, stop doing his laundry, and stop picking up his stiff.  As for the yard, let it go - it will be him that the other men in the neighborhood will be looking down on when it gets bad, not you.

Answer 2

i know the feeling i had the same problem with my husband for the longest time until i decided that enough was enough. sit down and talk to him seriously. tell him that you are not his mother and that you are not going to do the things that she use to do for him anymore. don't put up with it. tell him if he expects that of you then the least he can do is take care of the yard and he can pick up his clothes and put them in the laundry basket. you have to stand your ground with him and don't back down let him know that this is a serious issue and that he can help whether he likes it or not there really isn't that much of a choice.  

Answer 3

One of the hardest things to change is behaviors he developed growing up.  What he needs to understand is that although he was raised this way not everyone shares in the thought that the wife does this while the husband works.  Not in today's' society anyway.  You need to sit with him and without complaining or pointing fingers you need to show him that the expectations you have are different and that for you to feel complete in the marriage these are things you need him to do.

Answer 4

Tell him he has too, that it is both your resp. and you are not going to do all on your own.  This is what I had to do, I did not wash his clothes or put them up or anything for him what so ever.  He ran out of clothes so he had to wash them.  It got piled up and i hated seeing the mess but it was worth it.  Now I wash his clothes but he has to put them up.  I would pick up everything in the house but his stuff or his messes and after about three weeks I told him he is going to have to help me clean.  I said all you have to do is pick up your stuff and your messes and you'll be done.  He agreed and after he was done the house was clean.  He realized the house was messy because of him and he picks up after himself now, most of the time.  

He does nothing cause you do everything.  You are just going to have to let somethings go till he has to, he will get tired of living in a pig sty promise.  Or you can throw all his trash and dirty clothes and dishes in his car/truck.  Go on strike.  It is not fair for you to have to do it all especially with a full time job.

All he is being is a paycheck, not a husband.

Answer 5

give him an incentive if u know what i mean?

Answer 6

ur best chance is to "promise" him pleasure afterword

Answer 7

Have you had a calm talk with him? My ex-husband was like that too. Like setting up rules for kids, give him a list of chores. Make a calendar if that would help. Garbage days, yard work, etc. Include you and the girls so it's more of a team family effort, not just ganging up on him. Kill him with kindness and he'll come around. Hope this helps. :-)

Answer 8

Here are two options for you that you can choose from pending the type of person your husband is.

1.  Do the housework when your husband is home.  Begin housework, and do NOT nag him or tell him to help you.  After doing housework for a few minutes, look over at your husband and say "Honey.. I have a lot to do and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, could you please (fill in chore here) for me to help me out?  I'd really appreciate it.."  I'm sure he'll help you in that situation -- what kind of person would be like "No, do it yourself"?!!!

2.  Be confrontational (not nagging.)  Sit your husband down and tell him you need to talk to him.  Explain that you work full time just like he does, and therefore you feel the household chores should be divided evenly (and give your children some too if they are old enough, like emptying the dishwasher, sweeping, or dusting, etc.)  Write down a list of ALL the household chores that need to be done on a daily or weekly basis.  Each of you go back and forth picking which of the remaining available chores you'd like to be on your "chore list" until all the chores are divided evenly.  Unpopular chores can go on a separate list and the two of you can alternate turns if you wish.  Once the chores are divided, do NOT nag one another about doing them.  Each of you have your own chores, and if they go neglected then they go neglected.  However, I'd like to think that as adults you would be able to take care of your responsibilities on the list, right?!

Good luck!

Answer 9

Yeah I have the exact same question and of course my husband had the same life his mother cleaned his room for him when he was a grown man (discusting). For the most part I ask him to do stuff like if I'm busy with the baby I'll say can you take the trash out or something small that needs done and if he says no then I will say then watch the baby while I take the trash out. I was having a problem with dirty clothes laying on the floor so even though through the whole week he still throws them on the floor on laundry day I say if want clean clothes you need to put them in the basket otherwise I won't wash your clothes. Or I bargain with him for instance I'll make you a nice dinner tonight but you have to straighten the house up for me. Or of course you probably could get something real good if you promise him something later that night (but that's doesn't always work for everyone it's just a suggestion). It's important to remember people can get away with what you let them get away with.

Answer 10

Write down everything that you do.  Think about what he can do to help you out.  Then talk to him about how you feel and show him how many responsibilities you have.  Let him know things have to change.  

In your situation, after talking to him about how you feel and showing him what he can do to help.  For example, I would let him know that as a result of being overwhelmed, you cannot take care of his dogs anymore.  He needs to take them out for walks, make sure they have food, take them to the vet and pick up their p**p etc.  If he is unwilling to take care of his own pets, you will take them to the nearest animal shelter next week.

Marital counseling may be the next step.  If he is unwilling to come then go by yourself to get some support and strategies for dealing with this.

Answer 11

In a nutshell just take care off your kids and the dogs, neglect everything else he will eventuallly get tired of having a messy house oh and only cook and clean for yourself

Answer 12

Make a list of everything that needs to be accomplished.  Tell him that you are physically exhausted from doing it all and ask him to put his name beside the tasks that he will assume responsibility for.  Once he accepts responsibility for the tasks, stop doing them.  If he doesn't follow through, hire people to do the tasks.  When he brings up the fact that you've hired people, remind him that he agreed to do them and didn't follow through.  If he wants to save the money, he can begin doing the things he agreed to do.  Otherwise, continue paying people.

Answer 13

you should talk to him ... and tell him that u r tired and he can't understand u..

Answer 14

get rid of the dogs

get his clothes and leave them dirty in the laundry, he will run out of clothes

put the dirty dishes under the covers on his side

Answer 15

set rules, enforce them, live by them.dont let him walk all over you!he is a grown man.since the both of you live together you both have the responsiblily to take care of your home!

Answer 16

He Prob Does not Love You enough if he isent helping  

Answer 17

Sounds like you need to employ a housekeeper...

Answer 18

tell him the reward is mind blowing s*x cause if he don't help he ain't gonna get any

Answer 19

I agree with Happy-2. Stop doing it all. Take care of the kids. Disregard everything else ( i.e the dogs, the yard work and his laundry). After a couple of days he'll either catch the meaning or ask you whats going on then you can have a calm talk with him. Tryng to talk without letting him see all that you do won't work. ( at least it didn't with my husband)

Answer 20

You also work a full time job? That is a lot of work and he definitely needs to do more.

If you really want to put a stop to it, do what my sister did to her lazy husband who also didn't do a d**n thing around the house:

Stop doing things for him. Like stop doing his laundry and stop more cleaning up after him. If he leaves stuff around, throw into one pile. Just clean up after you and your kids.

It may get a little messy at first, but he will get the hint if you remain firm.

Yes, my sister's husband now helps out more around the house. But my sister is a  no nonsense woman, she doesn't put up with foolishness and she's not an enabler.

Answer 21

lol