How can I make my mother understand how I feel?

Question

Alright well im the youngest of 3 older siblings (i'm 17) my parents are divorced and my mom bought a gorgeous house last summer and about a week ago I asked her if I could have a birthday party at her place (FAMILY ONLY) I'd celebrate with my friends seperately.

She agreed and thought it was a great idea.

My niece (my married sister's daughter) JUST turned 5 and my mom randomly had the idea to throw her a surprise birthday party at her house this saturday.

I thought that was a great idea (she has b-day parties every year, but this year she didn't get one)

that night we were sitting, talking when suddenly she asks " If you had to choose between a bday party for your niece or one for you which would you pick?"

I love my niece to death, of course I wouldn't put my needs for a stupid bday party before hers, she's just a child. I told this to my mom and she stayed quiet.

Then I said "why do you ask? Are you tryingto say I can't have a b-day party now?"

And my mom replied by saying that it's a lot of work and she's trying to live on a budget now and a birthday party costs a lot. MY BIRTHDAY IS IN OCTOBER! and its not like we're poor or anything...

Anyways I got very frustrated I feel as though my mom doesn't realize that this hurt my feelings a lot, as a child I never got birthday parties, I had one surprise party when I was 10 and my siblings threw it for me.

for once (FOR MY 18TH) I wanted to have something done for me for a change and spend time with my family and she says something like this?

Do I have a right to be upset? (not at the fact that I can't get a party, but because I feel as though my mom favors others over me)

and if I wanted to talk to my mom about it, what should I say to make her understand how I feel?

Answer 1

Of course you have the right to be upset, and don't feel selfish! There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have a party. If I was you I would explain what you've said above to her. But if she says no it's not the end of the world, your 17 there are hundreds of future opportunities for parties!

Answer 2

Wow, crazy, I kinda was having a similar problem, i'm moving for college, and i move before my 18th, and my parents were like too bad, and i just simply explained to them how important it was for me to have a special birthday party ONCE, and that i really wanted to be with my family for it. Try that, and let me know how it all works.

Answer 3

thatsz touqqh

i really wish i could

hhelp jus explain to her

why your mad in calm way

buh also incluede that  your not mad

because your neice can have one

and yuh cnt  

Answer 4

Tell her how you feel that is the best you can do. Tell  her you have never thrown you any partys and for once you want one. Take her on a guilt trip as she has rudly done to you by asking you to take the partry away from your niece for you. Tell her that if she can afford such a nice house then surley she can throw her little girl a party. If that doesnt work then rent some place put then invite all of your family but not her... when she gets mad just tell her that you wanted to use her house. She will realize how she was acting HOPEFULLY and tell you shes sorry. GUILT her in to it =) always helps you get your way.

Answer 5

just tell her what you told us

Answer 6

U have every right 2 feel slighted. As u stated, not that u r putting your needs b4 your niece's but this is deeper than that. This is abt how u feel your mom favors others over u. U r not asking 4 much--just family over 2 celebrate a MILESTONE in your life. Explain 2 your mom EVERYTHING uve stated here. Express 2 her your feelings abt her being more concerned abt other ppl's feelings than yours. Explain how important this bday is 2 u. I pray she will understand.  

Answer 7

you should tell your mom what you told us.

you have a right to be upset but i dont think she realize what she did. Once you point it out to her i think she'll understand

good luck

happy almost 18th btw (:

Answer 8

You can make your mother understand by talking to her. That usually gets the idea across.

Answer 9

wow, i hate when ppl change plans on you for someone else even when they agreed for you first...

you have every right to be upset... just for once, can u have a party?

does your niece have a party EVERY year, like most young kids..?

if so, will your niece sacrifice one year just for you....?

that is something to think about. Maybe you should propose the idea of you paying for some of it... ( well, that would kill that party if you have to pay)... anyways...

Sit Mommy down, tell her that you wish you had a party every year when you were little, but you never got a chance to.

Tell her, you wish that just once, for the last year you legally HAVE to live with her ( you can  move out when your 18 )... can u both celebrate the  big 18th together... say " please, ma, just 4 me... "

GOOD LUCK MERCEDES!! i really really hope u get this party, doesn't seem too fair on ur end.

Answer 10

Most people don't understand about feelings because the sender generally makes it about things, rather than feelings. And we all have filters that inhibit "hearing" about feelings. Rather than making the conversation about the event or the people involved, make it about the "impact on you" and the feelings created. Emphasize feelings and they will feel less threatened and listen better.  You might also ask about her feelings and listen. Seems to me you are both not thinking of the other's feelings.

Answer 11

You should tell your sister (the one with the child) should be the one to throw the party not you or your mother.Because no one is closer to you than your mother.