How can I make myself relax and not worry about my baby? Keep having nightmares about losing him......?

Question

I lost a baby in January. Had so many problems with that pregnancy, from complete placenta pervia, with a subchorionic hemorrhage, to my water breaking at 17 weeks. I had everyday bleeding until it got really bad and it couldn't be stopped. I was 22 weeks and 2 days when I lost my baby.

Now with this pregnancy I know everything is going so good, but I keep having nightmares that I can feel my water breaking. Or in my dream they show my an ultrasound with some kind of deformity with my son.

I keep looking at my most recent sonagram pictures and I see a ton of fluid and no blood clots but these stupid nightmares are getting to me.

I don't wanna tell my boyfriend because it makes him sad to think of our other baby we lost.

There must be something I can do to ease my nightmares. Does anyone have any suggestions? Ideas? Anything would be so welcome.

Thanks you so much

23 weeks and 2 days with baby boy #2

Answer 1

i really don't think there is anything to stop you worrying, i lost my 1st son at 26 weeks as i lost my waters at 12 weeks, i went on to have a healthy son, now 7 years later I'm nearly 11 weeks and do worry about this one and what could happen, my one bit of advice is don't read to much on the net what could go wrong as that will just make you worry more, positive thoughts all the way and everything will be fine, all the best for when your new bundle of joy arrives xx

Answer 2

I am going to tell you what our baby doctor told us when my wife had placental per via about a week after we knew about the pregnancy.  He said I could tell you to get off your feet for the duration of the pregnancy and be ultra cautious but odds are that will stress you out more than if you continue what you are already doing.  Then he shared this token of Wisdom "If this baby is meant to be, this baby will happen, if this baby is not meant to be, there is nothing in this world we can do to save it.".  Our daughter was born 8 months later, and my wife did every thing she did relatively worry free which is better for the baby and my wife any way and sure we cried, prayed, and yes worried too from time to time with both of our kids, but we made it out of the woods. I have the same prayer for You and yours I hope you communicate this to your spouse because sharing is the most important part, it was for me, and it will be for him too, if you can not share your fears he may not ever know, and helping is ingrained in a man's DNA, how can he attempt to help intimately if he doesn't know.  May God bless and keep you through this process.

Answer 3

First off, I'm sorry for your loss.  I cant imagine going through something like that.

As far as telling you to relax, I'd be a hippocrate if I said that was easily done.  My last pregnancy was as easy as they come.  No problems whatsoever, and I STILL worry about the well being of this little guy.  I feel him kicking all the time, but still worry about something going wrong.  If he kicks too much, I worry, If he doesnt kick enough, I worry more...

Just try to switch those unpleasant thoughts, to daydreams about what he will look like, and of the first time you get to hold him in your arms.  Before you know it, he will be here, and healthy, and yours to enjoy and love forever!

Congrats and all the best to you and your new family!!

Answer 4

I know it's going to be hard but you have to try to relax.  Stress can put a lot of strain on you and your baby while pregnant.  While it is natural for all pregnant women to experience nightmares and apprehension during pregnancies, it is usually something that goes away in time.  If it is really something that doesn't seem to be getting better, I would have a talk with your doctor or maybe a counselor who can help you with your concerns and work with you through your grieving process over the loss of your first pregnancy.  Good luck to you and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Answer 5

I love Sarah's answer; she is right on!  If you don't relax, something could happen.  Think, as she said, of holding you baby, of stroking his head, of feeding him.  Concentrate on loving him.

Answer 6

I am soooo very sorry for your loss.  I got goose bumps when I read your question.  Im sure everything will be OK. I will say a prayer for you and your baby.  Its probably just your subconsious, and in some way you feel guilty for having another baby.  The best of luck to you and your family.  Hey, if its a girl, you should name her Sandy.  LOL (my name):)

Answer 7

You have to let go of the past. Your baby feels every emotion that you have and by fearing that something wrong might happen is effecting him. Just believe that everything is going to be alright. Worrying never does anything but cause problems. Hope this helps!

Answer 8

I think it is really common to have those dreams to begin with but on top of the recent trauma you've experienced it is totally understandable that you are having such a hard time.

Have you seen a therapist or counseler about this at all? If you haven't you might consider going to one.  You should really talk to someone about all of this, someone who can help you shape a healthy way in which to deal with it.  You obviously have a lot of unresolved feelings about this - not surprising - and talking with a professional would probably help you a lot.

Good luck, honey!

Answer 9

I believe that our fears and hopes are powerful. So what I did was picture myself holding my baby. Whenever I felt paranoid again, that I would loose him... I just would stop and picture myself holding him. How it felt. What the room looked like. How much hair he had. I just pictured the joy and felt it. That is what I did when I got paranoid about loosing him (which happened alot while pregnant)

Answer 10

you are gonna feel anxious after what happened last time

but all pregnancies are different and at 23 weeks scans would have shown any problems with the baby

relax.. enjoy your pregnancy and stop worrying for both yours and the baby's sake.  

Answer 11

Really sorry you had such a traumatic loss.  

This is a New baby a gift and because you don't have other children living it makes the process so difficult, because you coming on new area a place you didn't get the chance to travel, you mind goes where it knows, and it was an unpleasant experience.  

So change your mind, imagine the next few weeks where the baby is at I am guessing around what 27 weeks or so (I didn't do the math so just a rough estimate) how the baby is starting to develop lungs to breath how the face is taking shape and how the little critter is packing on the weight now.  Then go to the next point 30-34 weeks and how the baby is growing hair and is really listening to everything you are saying and how your are spring cleaning Nesting your home for you new visitor, then comes the safety zone, 37-Birth, focus on breathing and the baby moving down the cervix to greet you.

I know you had a difficult first pregnancy but that is over the baby is gone and in peace, now you have to focus on the here and now for your sake and the New babies sake, never compare your children one will always be different from the other, plus they don't like it when you try to compare them they are special in their own ways treat this the same if you can because they are different.

Answer 12

ok first off its obvious u already know but alot of people say ur dreams are really what ur fears are. i keep having dreams of my husband cheating on me (hes in iraq) and then hes planning on getting a bull terrier when he gets home and i keep having nightmares of it biting me really bad. alot of times u dream cuz of what ur eating,like dont drink or eat caffiene or sugar a few hours before bed,this should help.if i drink chocolate milk,my dreams are going to be crazy.

Answer 13

My cousin had 2 miscarriages before giving birth to her sons, and was left with a feeling of shock and guilt.

Although you're glad to be pregnant again, you're still grieving the loss of your other baby and it's important to accept this.

To look forward to the future with confidence, you need to allow yourself to mourn. You may worry that allowing sad feelings will spoil the happy ones, but in fact the opposite is the case.

It is grief that you keep inside which causes the worst trouble in the long run. Sharing your sadness with your partner and perhaps other women who have been through a miscarriage will free you up to feel more hope and joy in your next baby.

God bless!