How can I modivate my 7 year old to have a better attitude?

Question

My Son argues with us all the time. If we say the sky is blue, he'll say no it's not it's gray. I've been trying to be patient with him, but I am getting fed up with his poor attitude, because it's a daily thing with him. He's setting a bad example for his 2 younger siblings. I know that constantly getting on to him about his negative ways wont encourage a change. So, what should I do?

Answer 1

We're struggling with our 6 year old son doing the same thing!  Anything we say is wrong and he thinks he can talk back any way he wants to...and if he doesn't get his way watch out b/c that temper is coming out.  

I've been trying to catch him doing good and give him positive reinforcement as much as possible. It's beginnning to have a positive effect on the situation, slowly but surely. You're correct, constant fussing and arguing with him about it will do no good.  I try to be firm but not harsh.

When he begins to argue with me I don't go off on him, I simply tell him that I won't accept it.  When he won't stop he gets to sit down and not play...or get punished if he continues.  I'm really trying to stay away from spanking him...even though at times he pushes to what feels like the limit of any parent's patience!!

Answer 2

At first,be patient with him and understand that he's just 7 yrs,try to find him an interesting occupation,to swim or to ride a horse,maybe he always argues with u to capt attention,maybe he want u to spend more time with him.think about it!

Answer 3

Yes, getting on him constantly will change.  If you let it go, you are basically telling him that his behavior is acceptable.  I used the writing method with my kids a lot.  Depending on his level, make him write so many times "I will not argue." or whatever the infraction is.  He can also spend some time in the corner or get a swat on the butt.  If you don't teach him respect now, you are in for a world of pain later on when he decides to not respect teachers and the law.  The reason he is doing it though is to push you, see how much he can get away with.  Kids go through many stages like this.  That's when the real parenting comes into play to stop him where your limits are.

Answer 4

ask him why he thinks things are the way he says they are.  Maybe its soemthing more and this is his way of expressing it.  Also make time for all the childrens together as a family, and times for just one on one times.

Answer 5

make sure you reward his good bhavior!

and when you praise him for being good he will like that feeling and do it more often.

and when hes being naughty or just plain akward

remove him from the room and the rest of your children

because he will turn it into an attension thing,and even by being naughty and being told off,your other kids will notice how he even gets attension by being naughty and will follow his lead.

put him in his own corner of the house,and keep him there for several minutes untill he understands his behavior is wrong!and your other kids will no if they copy him they will just be egnored!

goodluck x

Answer 6

too bad they made laws against the sure

thing that works like a spanking

that can change an attitude in a hurry

Answer 7

Every behavior requires a consequence.  For example if you can't be positive then go to your room.  If he's negative about a toy take the toy away.  Award him for being positive.  In other words when he says something funny that's nice make sure you laugh.  Make sure he is secure in how much you love him.  Arguing with a child never solves anything.  Make sure he learns cause and effects of his attitude.  Teach him to express himself in a positive manner and show him the difference between expressing himself and being negative.  Tell him you won't argue with him and if he doesn't stop don't respond to his comments if that doesn't work send him to another room etc.  If you're in the car turn up the radio or start a conversation with the other children.  I recommend the book Dare to Discipline by James Dobson or books by John Rosemond.  Another good book is The Five Love Languages of Children.

Answer 8

My 7 year old also has the constant urge to correct anything I say, even if what I said is right but not exactly how he'd say it!  He kicks the annoyance level up a notch by using finger quotes.  Here's an example:

He left one of his shoes right in the middle of the kitchen floor.  I was on the verge of asking him to move it when he walked by, carrying dishes to set the table, and tripped over it (but didn't fall or drop the dishes).  I said "why don't you move that shoe so you don't trip over it again?".  He said "Well, I didn't exactly "trip" over it".  Arrgghh!!

Sometimes this goes back and forth a few times before I say "STOP ARGUING WITH ME".  Only one time did I feel the need to punish him for it (other than getting irritated with him) and I removed 5 minutes that he had earned towards playing video games by doing chores.  Also, last week, he was to stay with his after school babysitter and my mother for two whole days of no school before I took off Friday to stay with him.  I told him that if he had a good attitude with them, then we'd have a day of fun on Friday.  If his attitude was bad, we'd just do work around the house all day.   That motivated him, but I wasn't there those two days to see how he really did.

I have seen some improvement with this lately so maybe I am getting through to him.

Answer 9

Take away all his toys and have him earn them back through a system of one star per day that he behaves right.  And after 7 stars he gets to choose one toy to have back.

If he has a week with no stars he has to give you one of the toys that he previously earned back and you take and donate it to charity.

You see adults perform well at work for money.  Toys are his currency.

Answer 10

In my home, whining, backanswering or contradicting your elders earns you 5 minutes on your bed.  ANY protest about going immediately to your room doubles the 5 minutes to 10.  The KEY is NOT TO ARGUE BACK.  As junior mouths on and on you just say "5 minutes" then "10 minutes" then "15 minutes".  You MUST be 100% consistent with this.  You really need to get a firm grip on him now before this grows and you have 3 little mouthy monsters on your hands.  

My children are allowed to politely discuss things with us.  They begin with "Excuse me, Mommy.  Could I have a cookie after supper?" (If I've just said no to one before supper, for example) or "Excuse me Mommy, can I play outside just until dinner's ready" If I have said it is too close to supper to go their friend's or play outside. "  

Then my next response is final.  No endless arguing.  If it starts I say, "My answer is final, if you don't stop you'll have to sit on your bed".  I try my best to say it calmly but firmly.  Your tone matters a lot.  If you start an arguing tone, as if you were arguing with him, he will argue back.

Sometimes I do honour their polite request if it is a reasonable compromise.  They mustn't feel they are living in a dictatorship but they must know they can't argue and, quite often, they aren't getting their way.  But I will listen and do my best to be reasonable.  The writer Lucy Maude Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables) once wrote "The worst thing for a child is to always get his own way, the second worst is never to get it."  

As this habit is long entrenched in your son you must expect that this will take quite some time to break and there will be many setbacks.  You must be completely consistent and in it for the long haul.  The payoffs will make the work worth it.  

Another punishment in my family is screen passes.  Each child gets 4 per week. The 4 are given on Sunday morning.   They can be used for a TV show or a set amount of computer time.  I list them on our white board and cross them off as they are used up.  You might want to make up permanent ones and you take one away each time they use one.  Serious misbehaviour loses a screen pass.  They really notice that when their siblings are watching Saturday morning cartoons and they have to stay upstairs to play.  (I don't restrict playtime, etc if they run out of screen passes the only consequence is no screen time.)

People remark that my children are well behaved.

Answer 11

My feeling is that some kids "argue" in this way to feel a sense of control and power.  Maybe if you can empower him in certain areas (let him make choices and decisions without trying to influence him) a little more, he'll have a deeper sense of control.  You might see a change in him.  

Pointing out that he has a poor attitude is not the way to go.  You'll only get more arguing because his self esteem will suffer.

If one of my kids doesn't agree with me on something, I really listen to what they have to say and sometimes I respond with, "you know, I think you're right".  And I leave it at that.  It's very satisfying for them to know and feel that their observations, ideas and opinions really do matter.