How can I move out of my parents house with absolutely nothing on hand?

Question

I'm 19 and I've never had a job and go to school. I failed my first year of college and now my parents treat me even worse for it. The thing is, I can't stand the inequality towards me that parades in this house; my older brother sees it but he doesn't want to mention anything of it. I end up doing all the chores (as I have voluntarily been doing since I was very young), get the constant nagging from both of my parents, get the constant lectures, and yet, I am the only one that ever does anything in the house, including caring for my two younger siblings. My older brother stays couped up in his room all day playing World of Warcraft and I try to play with my younger siblings as much as possible, seeing as they can't play outside due to the fact that we live in a somewhat "ghetto" community. Well anyway, I'm really, really, really fed up, and all I ever do about it is talk to my girlfriend complaining to her about how much I want to end my life. Well I don't want to take that path seeing as I am a role model for my little brother and sister. I just want to know ... how can I move out with absolutely nothing? I was considering on joining the NAVY and staying in the barracks if that's even possible ... but as of now I really don't know what to do. I'm expecting people to tell me to wait it off and it'll pay off, and that I may be stressed for stupid reasons, but being stressed for five straight years about the same problem is really getting to me. I'm aware of all the possible consequences of doing something like this, and aware of the benefits of staying with my parents not having to pay any bills, but I need a sense of independence from them as I've never had that. My brother (20 years old) moved out for a year and he failed his first year of college as well, which was even more expensive due to the fact that he attended a CSU and he pledged for an expensive fraternity, but he's not treated like garbage as I'm enduring. If you need any additional info, then please e-mail me about it at "[e-mail]" because I'm in desperate need of advice about this situation. Please help me on this.

Answer 1

I'd say you're paying rent.  You're just paying it in being put down and watching your younger siblings than in money.  What you need to decide is if it's worth it and how long you can put up with the situation.  I think you're already realizing that complaining about it is not helping and you need to actually do something.

That something is going to have to involve getting a job so you can pay for your own way.  Whether that job is the Navy (or other military branch) or something more conventional is up to you.  What I can tell you is that with the Navy you get more options the better you can do on the ASVAB test.  More job choices means more chance of finding something you'll like.  Pay won't be great but you'll also get room and board.  It is a good way to get out on your own as long as you think the Navy is right for you.

Answer 2

Firstly, if you're 19 and have never had a job or got any qualifications, then you need to realise that the housework and babysitting you're doing to pay for food and rent now is probably not as much work as you'd have to do to get a roof over your head and food on the table independently.

if you join the armed forces, it'll be a shock to you because you're not used to working or, by the sound of it, to discipline.  however, it's a viable course of action, and probably the quickest way to get yourself out of the situation you're in.

you are an adult now, and should take a mature attitude to solving this problem. you shouldn't move out in a big rush because you're pissed off. unfortunately that means you're probably not going to change much in the next few months.  it sounds like you are right to want to move out of home, as it is an environment that's making you unhappy.  it's really good that you are motivated to move out and be independent, and to take responsibility for yourself.

you should get yourself a job.  if you do this, you won't be around for so much of the day to get nagged or dumped on, and you will have adults to talk to during the daytime.  you should keep the money you earn until you've saved up the deposit to rent a room or an apartment.  you're bound to find someone in your area, or someone at work perhaps, who would be willing to live with you - this will keep the costs down.

i think it's really selfish of you to talk to your girlfriend about ending your life.  you quite clearly aren't stressed to anywhere near the point where you'd actually do it.  it's a very childish response to not getting your own way!  you need to grow up a bit and show some patience with the situation, and to stop bitching about it and start working towards changing it.  threatening to harm yourself is only going to worry your girlfriend and achieves nothing for you.

you should also talk to your parents, calmly and rationally, and ask what advice they have for you.  explain, without shouting or getting annoyed with them, that you are grateful for them putting up with you (my parents, quite rightly, wouldn't let me stay at home if i wasn't earning my keep by the age of 19), but that you want more from life than that situation is currently getting you.  again, if you can keep your temper and discuss your problems with them without whining or complaining, but say that you are looking for ways to be happier, they will be impressed with your maturity and will take you more seriously.

you should put yourself in your parents' shoes a bit.  they probably nag you more because they have higher hopes for you than your siblings.  the more potential to do well you have, the more your parents feel like they've failed you if you aren't achieving.  it's not that they're trying to get at you, they're trying to compensate for their own guilt.  it probably wasn't as bad for them when your brother failed a year of college, as they could just say that he has a bad attitude or whatever, but when their second child fails as well, they have to start thinking it might be something they've done wrong in raising you - which is even more of a concern for them if there are younger siblings who could end up failing too.

i'm sorry if i sound harsh when i'm saying all of this - i really don't mean to be, because your attitude is headed in the right direction.  you're motivated to work and keen to be independent, and that's a really good and valuable quality in you.  however, there are  just certain aspects of your attitude you need to work a little harder on.  if you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start focussing your attention and imagination on finding constructive and positive solutions, you'll be a step nearer being mature enough to handle the adult world.

do you have any friends, friends of your parents, or relatives you could stay with for a little while?  it sounds like you need to take a break from living with your folks.  taking a part-time job will mean that you can offer to pay for your food and a minimal rent whilst still leaving you time enough to cast around and find out what you really want to do with yourself.

Answer 3

Simple answer; you can't move out without a job or any money. Just hang in there and get your college education then move out. That way you'll get a decent job that pays good money and will be able to afford a nice apartment, pay your bills, buy groceries, etc. If you do get a job now and decide to move out, you're going to struggle with paying rent, bills, groceries, personal care items, and the list goes on. Being that you've never had a job, you're not going to make enough money to even afford an apartment even in the cheapest and worst of places, unless you want to kill yourself working 2-3 jobs. You think you're miserable where you are now, but get out there on your own without an education or decent work experience and you will have a little more appreciation for where you are currently. If you're living with your family going to school and don't have to work, do you know how fortunate you are? I know so many kids living at home and going to school while struggling to pay their tuition and at the same time make financial contribution to their household. So sweetie you don't have it as bad as you think. Maybe your parents are giving you a harder time because between you and your older brother, they had more faith in you and were counting on you to do better in school and make them proud or whatever. Your older brother to them could be a hopeless case and that's why they give you the hardest time so you don't go down the same path as him or in any wrong direction for that matter. I know this seems unfair to you, but to them they assume they are doing it for your own good. You probably don't understand it now but some day you will. Anyway just think and stay positive by hanging in there. Good luck

Answer 4

first off, i would like to say lucyb18 is a ******* idiot.

u obviously dont know everything exactly how it is, so u cant make assumptions. right now, he wants to know what he CAN do to fix his problems, and by degrading him ur not really helping.

so **** YOU **** YOU AND **** UR FUCKN FAMILY AND LIFE LUCB18

Answer 5

stay with them until you can find your feet