How can I not hate myself?

Question

Since age 18 I have felt that I'm dumb,stupid, ugly, fat and worthless. I need to not feel this way anymore, but I don't know how. I see a counselor, but she hasn't offered me much help. My doctor recently doubled the dosage of the medication I'm taking and gave me something for anxiety. Now I'm tired and feel dumb, stupid, ugly fat and worthless. I have a disabled husband and three teenagers who count on me to work. Only I hate my work right now, and due to my husbands illness, I use all my sick and vacation time to take care of him. He's in and out of hospitals quite a bit. The teenagers recently lost their biological father to metastatic colon cancer. Now they're looking to me for answers I just don't have. I keep making mistakes at work. I used to love my job, now it makes my stomach hurt just to come in, and Sundays are horrible because all I can think about is having to go to work the next day. I am stupid, ugly, fat and Worthless, so to make me not feel this way is a challenge. Can anyone help me?

Answer 1

First of all, you are amazing to keep going like you do and that is impressive.

Secondly, I think you may be overmedicated or not on the right medicine.

Third, you are under a lot of stress and need some time to yourself once in a while.

Fourth, I am positive you are not worthless or ugly or any of those other horrible things you have said about yourself. You better start being your own best friend and being nicer to yourself.

I am so sorry you are burdened with so many responsibilities right now. No wonder you get tired!

My suggestion is that you see a doctor. And the next time you start thinking negative thoughts about yourself, just tell yourself "stop it". Say it out loud if you have to. It actually works.

Take your teenagers out for a walk every evening. Not only will you get precious time with them (they will be grown before you know it), but you will get some fresh air and exercise and maybe burn off a little stress.

I wish good things for you. Remember, take charge of your own destiny as much as you can. And hang it there!

Answer 2

Sometimes we judge ourselves much more harshly than we do other people, even if they have the same traits we hate in ourselves.

    You have a lot on your plate, and it sounds as if you are overwhelmed.

     Stress can make a person's self image more negative.

     Just from your post I have nothing but admiration for you.

      Focusing on the great things that you do can help. You must have the patience of Job to deal with a sick husband, three teenagers, and a job. It's a d**n shame that you are focusing on what you see as negative traits in yourself, which are obviously untrue.

      You need to work on self-esteem issues with your counsellor.

       Please don't beat yourself up. It's so unfair. You are obviously not stupid, nor are you ugly, and definitely not worthless. You are not looking at yourself objectively, and that's the real shame.

       Again, you are under a lot of stress, and yet you are still plugging away. You deserve a medal as far as I'm concerned and that makes you beautiful.

Answer 3

You have been put down for so long you are now believing it ... you have to stop hurting yourself like this .... you have to stop listening to those who abuse you (and it is abuse) like this .... you have to stop beating yourself up on their behalf......

It sounds like you have allowed yourself to be their punching bag, their doormat, their gofor (go for this go for that), your subconscious mind knows it's all wrong and your mental and physical energies are just about out .....

I don't understand how you allow THREE teenagers to just sit back and let you do everything and all the work .... your husband, even though not their biological father, is still part of your family ... couldn't they help around - like do some laundry, cook a meal or two, help fetch and carry for your husband?  As for their biological father's death, don't they know how to use a computer, don't they know how to at least Google?  They can find out all the information they want on metatastic colon cancer - and see that his illness was not your fault and nothing you could do to prevent it and nothing you could do to stop it taking its toll on your husband.

You probably hate your job now because it is yet another strain on you when all you really want to do is be home and look after your husband - that's why you keep making mistakes - your're tired, stressed out, worried to the point of distraction - and probably worrying about your job too now seeing as you appear to be the only one bringing in an income ..... your children are being way too selfish to consider your needs and helping you at all ..... as their mother you need to make them help out and contribute .... after all they're quite happy to live in the home you AND  your husband provided - aren't they?

I suggest that you write down all the things you do in the home ... then break that list down into the things you NEED to do .... what's left are the things they can help out with ... and I'm sure there's plenty on that list that they could do.....  If by chance they start whinging and moaning about helping out ... then I suggest you let them know quite plainly that you can and will only do the things on your NEED TO DO list .... if they want anything else - then they can do it for themselves......

I suggest you also make a list of things you NEED to do in your job, and prioritise them ... then work with that list - don't allow yourself to be distracted by anyone or anything else ..... stay focussed when you are in your work .... leave it on the doorstep when you go home .....

- what will your children do if you don't have a job at all?  Where's all their home comforts going to come from then?  They need to get more involved and help you .....

All that you do and have to do - I'm not surprised you feel so low and have such low esteem ... I doubt even God could cope with what you have to ... and because of everything you are trying to cope with I bet you probably comfort eat and don't really take care of your appearance ......YOU ARE NOT STUPID (your are overworked), YOU ARE NOT UGLY AND FAT (you have no time to take care of or take a pride in your appearance) and YOU CERTAINLY ARE NOT WORTHLESS (I doubt your children could even dream of affording to pay someone to do all the things you do for them) ......

I take my hat off to you for your endurance, dedication and perseverance in the face of adversity ... and it seems to me that in their selfishness your children are your worst enemy .....

Make time for yourself, even it it's only half an hour a day, do something you want to do for yourself - your hair, your face, your nails, or do nothing at all if you don't want to ... clear your mind of everything - just for that short time ... give yourself a time slot in the day for just this .... it will give you a mental breather and will help recharge your batteries so your mind can work in a more constructive way .... at this moment in time you're floundering because you can't see a way out of all this struggling .... but if you give yourself just a little time, just 30 minutes a day .... you'll be surprised how much clearer and easier to work out things will be come .....

Best wishes

:)

Answer 4

You are an awesome mother of 3 children that are will look upto you when they realize the pain and suffering you have to go thru with all the mishaps in you life. My sincere apologies for your husband and I do understand where you are coming from. I hope you all the best and to keep being a mother, as mothers like you give all other moms a really good name. You should be proud of yourself and same with your children.

Answer 5

something in your childhood has made you feel worthless, usually this is parents that makes a child feel this way, always pointing out mistakes but not giving credit for the good things the child does, getting all cleaned up and the parents not giving a compliment, always happy to report your bad taste but nothing said about the good stuff, sometimes parents are jealous of a child's accomplishment rather than showing pride, maybe this is your case, i assure you dumb & worthless has nothing to do with beauty, fat & ugly actually has nothing to do with it either, true beauty comes from within & how we feel about ourselves & how we treat others, i am sure if you look around you can find many with more problems than yours, fatter people, unattractive people, retarded folks & much more, but that does not change your problem, you are overwhelmed with all the events taking place in your life and with so much happening you fall into these negative feelings,try to remember this,AND IT CAME TO PASS,

these five words are used in the bible more than any other, they are true, what does last forever, good times or bad, they come to pass,and remember there is something beautiful about you, you are special, and your not stupid and definitely not worthless with all your responsibility