How can I not loose my patience when my 6 year old son gets frustrated?

Question

Every little thing he can't do or gets frustrated with makes him blow his top. I don't know how to handle it. I've tried Super nanny tactics, but how long does it take before it works. I find that both my children are different. My daughter calms down more quickly, but my son is over the top with his outbursts, and I find that it's getting worse. What can I do? When he comes home from school he has a breakdown, when he leaves to go to school he has a breakdown. When we tell him it's time to wash up he has a breakdown. When he has to eat he has a breakdown. When he has to go to sleep he doesn't want to do it. He just wants to play all the time. But I try to explain to him that we can't always play all the time. He has Nintendo DS and likes to play that a lot. I think that might also be the problem. I tell him if he doesn't talk and act nicely he will not be able to play it. It is hard for me to take away things he likes, but I don't know what else to do.

Answer 1

have you seen a docter with him my we girl is the same as your we lad i took her to the docter and he said have patience i asked did he want to come to my house for a week !!!any way i sit with her 1 to 1 time she doing ok good luck

Answer 2

You're right about kids being different.  Mine are so different that it's hard to believe they have the same mother and father.  You definitely do need to take things away from him and get him where it hurts most... the Nintendo DS!  It hurts you as much as it hurts him, but you've got to be strong.  Also, this used to work with my kids when they would have their meltdowns.  As soon as they started to break down on me, I would tell them that it was fine for them to break down and cry or scream all they want, but they had to do it in their room with the door closed.  I told them I didn't want to hear it or see it, but they could do it all they wanted to while they were in their room and not to come out until they were done.  It doesn't take them long to get over it because there is no one in their room to watch their performance.  They get bored with it really quick. Don't let him interrupt the rest of the family's meals and if he does it right before school, then make him wake up earlier.  Tell him that if he insists on taking up time in the mornings to throw his fits, then he's going to have to get up earlier in order to make time for it, but any fits are going to be thrown in his room.  If he refuses to go, literally pick him up and put him there.   It works, believe me!  Try it!  Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow I have the same  problem with my 6 year old son.  It must have been something in the milk!  lol  I find what you are doing to help alot with my son.  I take away his favorite things but I also now am doing the reward system.  If he goes a straight week in school and home with good behaviors and no outbursts we can do something together he likes.  I reward him with MOMMY TIME like a card game, chuck e cheese, i play a board game with him, Go fish and after our Fun time its back to business as usual!  try that and good luck.  If all else fails........  I also believe in spankings.  :)

Answer 4

All I can say is that you have to be firm and you have to stay strong and you have to follow thru with your "threats". If you flip out or show stress your child will do the same. It's easier said than done but you have to stay calm and stick to your word. One of the hardest things as a parent that I have found is that you can't give in. It's so much easier to just give in but your child knows that, they know how to push your buttons and get what they want. You say it's bed time, he doesn't like it, so you let him stay up longer. He's got your number. I am not saying this happens it is just an example. I think if parents stick to their rules, don't let the child run the show, it will be okay. You are the boss, not him, as hard as it is, and it can hurt you to do this, you have to show him you are in charge and what you say goes. If you tell him to be nice or you'll take the DS away, you have to follow thtough with that. Otherwise he will again have your number. It's hard to see him cry but in the long run he will behave better and will thank you for it. I let my daughter get away with a lot when she was younger and now I regret it. No parent is perfect. Plus it does depend on your child's personality too. Obviously the more easy going the child is the easier he is to parent. It's not an easy job but just remember follow thru on your word and it WILL get better.

Answer 5

Be firm and assertive. When he stars having a tantrum or breakdown, sit him somewhere on a chair or something, and let him sit it out. You can wait near by. Like if you are cooking dinner if you put the chair somewhere near the kitchen you can keep an eye on him but you aren't paying too much attention. Once he has cooled down you talk to him. Say 'Now, do you think that was a good thing to do?' He says YES 'Are you sure? That was quite inappropriate and was a waste of your time and mine.Do you want to change your answer?' if he says NO say 'I agree. That wasted mine and your time. Lets not let it happen again.' give him a hug and let him go. This way he will realize what he is doing is wrong and hopefully correct it. Also no more threats. Because if he thinks that what he did was not wrong then taking something he likes away from him will seem unfair to him. Just try to make him sit somewhere for a few minutes or take something away but use the method I suggested above first.

Hope I 've helped!

Answer 6

Keep doing the Super Nany tactics!!  Trust me they work.  When he has an outburst what does he do.  Does he make a fist & grind his teeth?  OR Does he just scream and rant N rave?

If it's the 1st one Jojo says to get him to calm down by holding his fists and try to unclench them, have him breath, count and if he tries to hurt you just keep holding his hands tight to unclench.. keep trying to calm him down tell him soothing things.. if that doesn't work, let him cool off outside for a sec or off to the side it's just whatever works.. if you see maybe he needs a second to himself ..etc

If he just rants and raves like a 2 y/o and kicks and screams.. then you need to do the time out.. remind him of the rules "you have to wash up before dinner, that is the rule, if you break the rule again you're not only getting time out but you're having a privlage such as your games taken away" then FOLLOW THROUGH and yes it will work.. but with time.. he will continue to test test test until he realizes you are NOT giving in and you are NOT loosing your cool.. with some boys it takes much longer..

hang in there mom.. I know it's frustrating and you just want to give up and cry in a room (lol) the only comforting thing I can say is that we've ALL been through this and we've ALL thought about just giving up.. it's totally normal.

Now YOU go take a time out.. breath mom.. it'll be alright *smiles*

Answer 7

I also have a son/daughter and it's the opposite.  My son gets over things quickly but my daughter is the drama queeeeen.  And it's so frustrating sometimes that I just want to be like "snap out of it!  You're NOT getting your way!" But then I feel like I'd be contributing to the behavior if I also blew my top.  

And, IMO, that's the way you've got to think about it.  You're the adult and just remember, it's probably not permanent.  He will find other ways (with your help of course) to deal with the frustration of losing or not getting his way as he gets older.  Having an outburst just means he doesn't know how else to deal with those feelings right now.  

Try engaging him in things that build his confidence, that you know he can do well, and praise him for his abilities and strengths, and try to incorporate the things he gets frustrated with into it and say "See, I knew you could do it"..

I tell my daughter "losing is nothing more than learning how to win"..

Answer 8

It'll be extremely difficult, but it seems you'll have to ignore his outbursts.

Next time he has one, put him in a safe room where nothing can be pulled/pushed over, broken or tripped on, and tell him he can come back out and play on his DS when he's ready to talk and behave like an adult. Kids soon get bored, and if they don't have a reaction to work off, they try new tactics. When he feels ready to talk to you, thank him for being ready to talk like a big boy and explain to him that there are some things he just can't do, for whatever reason. Explain that a lot of things need practise, or if it's about eating or sleeping explain that the body needs it. It sounds very boring, but if explained in simple terms kids can be very interested in such things.

Just remember to talk to him calmly all the time and try your best not to give in or lose your temper. Shouting will just show him a bad example and he'll feel he has to shout to communicate during his paddies. It also helps to get to eye level when talking to him.

Good luck with him!

Answer 9

One thing that helped my oldest when she was 6, before diagnosed with ADHD (I am not saying I think that your son has ADHD) was to give her a 5 minute warning before it was time to change activities. Sometimes a 10 minute warning if it is needed. This greatly helped her to accept that things were about to change and she had time to prepare for it to happen. Make sure you are allowing him enough time to get things done. If you are trying to leave the house in the morning, make sure he has plenty of time to get dressed and eat at his pace. If you are constantly telling him to hurry up, it will only make things worse. I also set a timer so it was a time to go sound other than my voice. "When the timer beeps in 5 minutes, it will be time to wash for dinner" Let the timer go off and then go to him and tell him " the timer went off, it is time to wash up"

You could also try a rewards chart, although some children do not respond to this as well as others.

Answer 10

it sounds like you need to lose your patience, u need to show your in charge sometimes. Kids naturally look to their parents for guidance and you need to show you are the stronger one, its not bad to be in charge, your his mom, its to be expected!.  If you love your kids, you will act in a way that helps them to grow into good adults. That does not involve always being a nice parent but also disciplining them when they need it. Imagine how bad it would be if he never learnt to control his temper and was like that at 26? or 16?