How can I overcome anxiety caused by dating and my parents?

Question

I've been dating this guy for a couple of weeks and I cannot find anything wrong with him. Sometimes I wish I were with him, and sometimes I don't want to see him at all. I switch between these two views multiple times in a day. I also do not know how to tell people about my relationships. When people ask me I can hardly form words. I have only told my mom and until yesterday I couldn't even work up the courage to tell her his name!!

I really want to stay with this guy, but I'm afraid that these "mood swings" will drive me to break up with him like it has for my previous relationships. What is wrong with me!?!?!

Answer 1

Anxiety is not caused. It is chosen.

The question is: What do you get out of  (or intend to get out of) choosing anxiety?

"Anxiety" is a social choice: it involves other people, and what you hope or wish or expect to get from them when you reveal your anxiety socially, that is, to other people.

By it, you are looking for a pay-off of some kind from them. Perhaps you want to convince them you are incapable, or that you deserve their pity, or that you can't manage your life as other people do...

The point is: (1) Anxiety is not "caused," it is chosen. (2) We choose our behavior (including feelings, etc.) for our own reasons. (3) All human behavior is for a purpose. (4) All purposes are social purposes, involving what you want from other people.

Your own words give you a hint about what you expect from behaving in an anxious way:

"I'm afraid that these "mood swings" will drive me to break up with him like it has for my previous relationships." Ask yourself if you CHOOSE your mood swings IN ORDER TO lead to a break-up with him (so you can maintain this pattern as you have in your previous relationships.

I hope you will be able to break this negative and destructive cycle in you life and find positive attitudes that allow you to maintain rather than break up your relationships.

--  Dr. Bob, Adlerian Psychologist

Answer 2

I don't know what's wrong with you.  Perhaps you are afraid of intimacy.  This used to happen to me, I would be with a guy, and really like him... but when I felt he was getting too close, I would shy away, but then I'd really like him at the same time.  I just got over it, and learned that it's okay to let my guard down.