How can I overcome the hurt from my past?

Question

Basically all of my friends dropped me when I was a freshman in highschool. I was homeschooling that year so I had no other way to make friends. I was so depressed that year and I was going to attempt suicide a couple of times, but I couldn't do it. I spent about six months of my youth in my room crying. I became obsessive and my ex-friends would be in my every thought. Well I started my sophomore year of high school at a new, big school. The whole experience was sort of a shock for me and I became really shy. I would hang around with my cousin and her friends at school, but I was so scared to make friends because I didn't want people to leave me again. So I let my anxiety overcome me and I wouldn't say a word. They were nice and would invite me sometimes, but I would turn them down because I was too anxious to be around people. The last time I was ever invited anywhere was November 2007. In March I started to adjust a little more, though I was still painfully shy. I tried to drop hints that I was lonely and that I would like to hang around with the group of friends, but they wouldn't invite me. I am now in the beginning of my junior year of high school and as much as I am trying to get my life back and make friends, the hurt from my past still lingers. Occasionally this regret of wasting my life and losing everyone will overwhelm me and I will slip back into my suicidal thoughts. I am still terribly shy because I feel like I am not good enough for anyone.

How can I:

1) Overcome the hurt from my past

2) Make up for the wasted time

3) Move on

Any other comments/advice would be so greatly appreciated!

Answer 1

1) Overcome the hurt from my past

Forget about it.  But this is easier said than done.  But if you push it out of your mind, and don't remember, it is like it is no longer part of your life.

2) Make up for the wasted time

Live for today, not yesterday.  Do not let your past affect your decisions.

3) Move on

Just pretend the past does not exist.  Do what you would want to do if you did not have your past experience.

Answer 2

The high school years have become the hardest to survive but they do end and then life really starts.  Get past the past - move forward and think to the future.  In your question, many 'I' and 'me' words.  Try to substitute those with names. In other words, find someone who you can talk to or with.  You are not alone; many, many others have similar problems and just move on and you will too.  Count your blessings and not your problems - sometimes that helps.  Good Luck.

Answer 3

I understand why you feel hurt, but you can't wallow in that hurt forever. What is done is done and there is no ammount of feeling bad going to change it.

Why dont you try doing a small party and invite a few of the people that you would like to get to know better. Or ask if they would like to meet you and go to a new movie, or a pizza and movie at home, maybe even a sleepover/makeover night. You can do hair and nails, makeup etc.. Try to think of something girls your age like to do and plan it out!

Since you didn't accept their offers, it's up to you to make a direct move. Let them know what happened to you and tell them you were scared on top of being shy. If they are worth having for friends, they will understand.

Keep trying sweetie, soon you will break out of your shell and get back into the swing of things. My daughter had the same problem when I homeschooled her, now she is the life of the party. In fact she is throwing a "theme" party for her birthday...

Answer 4

thats prettyu thpough a lot of people loose friends though i think you should just make yourself unshy and sorta suck it up all my friends dumped me this summer and i havent hung out with anyone all summer i got over it and started calling peiple to hang out that i dint eally know but i sorta knew and now i have a bunch of new great friends

Answer 5

Okay so this isn't me at the moment...well I mean like the sn thingy isnt me it's my friends but Im answering this because he thinks I would be great for this.

I am a girl by the way.

Anyways I can understand what you are going through and to start off I think the first few people to answer this should really learn to not talk if they don't know what they are talking about.

I know how you feel simply because when I moved here from Puerto RicoI was in the 5th grade and I felt like I was the worlds greatest girl because I made friends almost instantly. Thats when it all crashed for me because the year after I lost all my friends and suddenly became like the plague. Nobody wanted to sit next to me or talk to me. I was constantly bullied and shoved around. I mean to the point where people rather sit on other peoples laps rather than sit at my table. I was constantly pushed and shoved, literally, and bullied to the point of tears. Every night I went home crying for three years. I was too scared to make friends or trust anyone and I was always suicidal. I couldn't cook, take a bath or even do my homework without a thought of suicide entering my head with any little thing around me that could possibly become a weapon. I had nightmares of the misery of being stabbed in the back by the people I once considered my friends. Even to this day I have fears that the friends I have now will some day desert me but this is my story and this is what I did. 9th grade year I wanted to chage and I wanted to get over my anxiety and phobia and I grew angry with myself for having lost so many years to this pain and tourture. I decided I was going to become a better person and show those who left me behind that I was a friend worth keeping and that they lost their chance. You can't just jump out of being shy and that is ignorance from anyone that tells you otherwise. Being shy is something you have to work off. It's like a weight that you have to slowly get rid of and it will slowly take place. Moving on isn't easy either and we all know that so it makes me mad when people say "just forget it". You never will forget what happened in your past and 50 years from now you will still remember it as if it were yesterday but you can overcome it. It is all a matter of time, strength and mental capacity and I don't mean this as in retarted I mean it as in you need to be able to control yourself and be able to tell your mind that it is YOU who is in charge and it is YOU who will make the decision and it is YOU who will choose how you do things not your thoughts not your dreams not your past. You make a difference and you have the strength to do so you just need the determination. You want to make new friends it is a slow process and you need to learn how to identify who is worth having as a friend, who is worth pushing away and who are those that you can just have as hang buddies. Just because someone isn't a good friend doesn't mean you still can't hang out with them because maybe they aren't your kinda of best friend material but maybe the are "mall" material or "movies" material. You still have time you are a Junior in high and trust me hun you have time to spare. I am a freshman in college and I am still working hard on this shy factor because as much as I have broken my shell it still takes me long to trust people fully. I love my two best friends but it is in all honesty that in my weak times I still feel like the past can repeat itself. This is where you just have to set your mind straight because it will want to play tricks on you. Now...-takes in a deep breath- okay that was long sorry lol I just basically saw myself as you and I felt I had to get all this out because I really know your pain and it hurts when you are in your room and you feel like the world doesnt care whether you were even born but the matter of the fact is that nobody will care about you if you don't care about yourself....that is just the golden rule and you'll learn to accept that and live with it on your own. Nobody can rush you and there is really no secret to over coming your fears. Just face them head on and don't look back. The first step always is just saying hello and smiling your heart out. You never know who's day you might have just cheered up with your smile, or what conversation you might have started with hello. The world is filled with people who are waiting to meet you, just take the first step and follow the road to your future.

Sinceraly,

LadyOverdose

Answer 6

go to counsling or talk it over with someone , that always helps me feel better when im under stress or im mad or sad..you can also talk to your parents about how you feel too they should be able to help you, best of luck! :)

Answer 7

Talk it over with a guidance counsellor.

You will need to get over this fear of people leaving you because as we grow we collect friends from every walk of life and some of those friends will be leaving for other parts of the country and to move on with their own lives.

When someone offers you to go out, go out with them, dont turn them down.  Or why not speak with someone and ask them if they would like to go with you to the movies or somewhere, instead of waiting for other people to initiate it.  Its either that or you get left behind like a wall flower.

Answer 8

Try joining a club / group or leisure course in your local area to make new friends.

It's difficult to forget things that have hurt you in the past but distracting yourself & enjoying the present will give you less time to dwell on the past.  You can't wait for people to approach you to make friends; you need to be brave & initiate conversation with others e.g. say hello, ask them a question etc.

set yourself small achievable goals e.g.  tomorrow i will say hello to one person i've never spoke to before.

Also you could ask your doctor to refer you to a assertiveness training or confidence building course.

Good luck xx.

Answer 9

The hurt from your past is coming from a loss of friends.  I know this sounds completely ridiculous, but the best way to fill that void is to find people to replace it.  You HAVE to get out there and be a person that everyone will like and want to be around.  The best way to do this is find someone who has at least one of the same interests you do, and talk about what they like about it, anything they've done (if it's a sport ask about how long they've played, what teams, that kinda stuff).  People instinctively LOVE to talk about themselves.  If you give it a shot, then i promise it will work out.  I know it seems uncomfortable, but i'm trying to do the same thing.  All my friends live in a different state now and i don't see them very much.  I have to make new friends if i want to move on.  So to answer all three questions of yours at once, just take a minute to say to yourself "I'm going to talk to people today and i'm going to find new friends."  Let them open up about themselves before you open up about yourself.  Finding people to replace what feels like the nothingness in you is what's going to help get you through this.  And hey, if you don't have too much luck, i'm always here for ya :)  You can message me whenever you want about whatever you want.  I promise i'll get back to you :)  God Bless

Answer 10

If they just dropped you then they are not your friends.

They are heartless f**s.

that happened to me too but i didnt get sad.

just try to make new friends that will help you forget.

And maybe we could talk?

Answer 11

just attempt to talk to people that u think that r nice, it doesnt matter who u hang out with as long as they r nice to u, if u want to talk furthrer about this email me or IM me, i dont have the yahoo im but i got aim, its mcnuggetlover14, my yahoo [e-mail] just say who u r, maybe i can help u out