How can I protect myself from a pushy, bossy coworker who violates boundaries?

Question

It's the same thing every time with a senior coworker who is training me. She doesn't wait until she has my attention, but abruptly interrupts whatever I'm doing. Then, she stands very close to me and rapid-fires questions without giving me time to respond. Sometimes she'll ask where work is while simultaneously searching my cubicle for that item, instead of waiting for me to find it for her (I've already asked her not to do that, too). I feel like I'm being pushed into the ropes and I want to come out fighting. If I assert myself, I fear that, I might be viewed as the "trouble maker" instead of her. I did try it once, and she blew up at me. This builds and festers and I take it home with me.

=(... What can I say or do? Thanks.

Answer 1

It is not sounding good and I think you have a couple of options.  The first one is to stand up for yourself, and when she rapid-fires questions at you, then just ask her to please slow down, because your brain doesn't work that fast.  When she goes through your work to find something, just ask her to wait a couple of minutes and you will find it for her, but make sure you are consistent.  You may have to do it a couple of times.  She will either back off and leave you alone or blow up at you in which case you should try to blow up back at her.  You might surprise yourself and her!  

The second thing you can do, is go and talk to her superiors and explain what is happening and see what their response is.  

And if all else fails then you have to consider whether it is really worth going home each night and hating your job because of one person.  I always think that once you start to bring stuff home and wake up each day absolutely hating working where you are then it is time to leave.  And remember there are other jobs out there, even though at the moment you think there aren't and it is all too hard.  It is so much nicer to be happy in the work place and nobody deserves to be treated like that.

I would never be disrespectful to my staff and I would not expect them ever to be disrespectful to me.  We are all equal and we all deserve respect.

Answer 2

Talk to your supervisor about her attitude,if that doesn't do any good, go to the personnel director.

Answer 3

Go off but not in a rant...In a calm manner making since ;)

Answer 4

This exact thing happened to my daughter and she took it as long as she could, her boss would even roll her eyes at her trying to make my daughter feel incompetent, I tried to tell my daughter to file a grievance and not let her get away with it and for her not to quite her job, but she wouldn't listen to the part of her not quiting, she filled the grievance and quit. Later come to find out that they demoted her boss and called my daughter back to offer her the job back with way more money. It was a blow to her now ex boss and my daughter is now over her. So the laugh is on her and now that ex boss of her has to be nice to my daughter.  

Answer 5

She is only a co-worker, why not say to her hey you & I are just co-workers, you're not my boss so why do you act like you are?  She needs putting in her place.  Tell her, I'm going to talk to (your bosses name) as I don't like the way you're treating me & you are only a co-worker of mine, I've never been instructed to take orders from you.  Just say it calmly & matter of factly, then go back to whatever you were doing & say nothing else.

I would not yell back at this woman as you are going to come out looking as bad as she is.  When I have had to deal with angry colleagues I have said things to them like, are you ok?  you seem really angry?  People don't like to admit they are angry & saying this to them calmly with a somewhat perplexed look on your face can make them feel stupid, particularly if you've said it quite loudly in an open plan office.  But this woman sounds kind of hyperactive, maybe say that to her - do you have health problem?  You are going at a million miles an hour, how many espresso's have you had today?  If she yells, say god if you keep that up you'll have a heart attack.  Do you have high blood pressure?  Are you aware there are anger management courses that personnel can refer you to?

Just be a bit sarcastic like that & see if that works.  Treat her as though you find her bad behaviour amusing.  Maybe even mimic her as she's rifling through your cubicle, or better yet go to her cubicle & do the exact same thing to her & if she doesn't like it point out to her that you're only doing the same to her that she does to you, then smile & walk away.  She should get the point.

And yes you should tell your supervisor, if you don't get to see your boss very often then just send your boss an email about it, but don't rant & rave in the email, just say you find this woman disrespectful & that you feel her people skills need some adjustment.

Don't tell personnel, they make too much of a big deal out of things & they may decide if your co-worker has people skill problems then they will evaluate you too.  Meaning they might think you're unassertive & might start hassling you about that more than you would like.  Personnel can make life very uncomfortable for people, after all, despite how friendly they can come across, their number one function is to stop the company being sued & to stop personal grievance claims made by employees.  They are just a department that is there to protect the company.  That's the ugly truth.

Also to Jaded in her message below this.  Do you think you're gods gift or what?  What an arrogant beeeaaacchhh.  Lots of us are successful, we have the class to not gloat about it & nobody has to take bad behaviour from somebody senior to them in this day & age.  It's not the 1950's, people have rights.   Thanks for blessing us with your presence oh holy fortune 500 one.  Which I don't beleive for a second you are an executive as where on earth would you find the time to answer so many questions on here as you are up to Level 5?  Answering questions on yahoo answers is absolutely NOT what corporate executives would spend their spare time doing!!

Answer 6

she is caffienated up, you are easy going, new, and laid back, and, you want the same respect as someone in the corner office.  you have a bad attitude.  

the very definition of a star is the rare person who can regulate their own reactions with the actions of the person they are interacting with.  

if she is a little more high energy than you, stop at starbucks on the way in.  when she rapid fires, laugh and say, let me catch those, you are aiming those so fast!  and then repeat back to her what she has said.  again, with a smile and a laugh.  YOUR  job is to be on the same page as her!!! it is not the other way around, dear.  

this is not about fighting and asserting yourself ( where did you get that attitude, how unpleasant!)  this is about matching the energy and tone and reflexes of the SENIOR person  TRAINING you.  unless you are a president and the ceo is training you i assume you are the low person here.   it behooves you, not her, to be the one who is cooperative, brightly, sincerely, QUICKLY responsive to the matter at hand.  this will serve you well, not only when this person is done training you and is asked if you are a draining prima donna or a team player,  but in every interaction with someone for whom you must hand in a certain performance for the rest of your life.  

not the answer you were looking for, a comiseration from another low level peon about how the upper echelon have it in for you, but a pep talk from someone who is a high performance business owner, and has indeed trained many, and has been trained by many.  you asked this question, i have given you a million dollars worth of answers, and have spent these few minutes of my valuable time doing this because i was just bored and taking a break from the olympics on tv.

and of course, the thumbs down from the cheap seats.

Answer 7

I always found that passive aggressiveness works very well in these situations. When she rapid fires questions, wait until she pauses, then ask her "Which question would you like me to answer first?" When she is looking through your cubicle, ask her "Do you want to continue to look for it, or would you like me to find it for you?" When she asks you a question before getting your attention, just ignore her and finish your task, then say, "I'm sorry! I was busy doing this and didn't realize you were talking to me. What were you asking?" Just don't let her rattle you up.  

Answer 8

You must decide if the job is worth the aggravation of putting up with

her, and maybe keep your eyes open and look elsewhere for another

job in the meantime. Also, is there a higher up person you might be

able to discuss this with, who maybe could at least,advise you or

speak with her? Then there is always writing her a letter yourself

expressing your feelings of being bullied and how you need her to

stop, or you could kill her with kindness and just yes her to death,

and ignore her attitude problem with hopes that it will stop (though

I doubt that but...training is Not going to be Forever! ) Also, next time she starts searching your cubicle I would immediately walk over to her cubicle and start going through her papers saying " I left it right here, you must of misplaced it...here, let me help you find it!"

In the meantime, think about

all these things mentioned, and decide if it is worth it all. I truly think

all this will finally come to an end soon enough, if you stick it out!

Maybe ask her out for lunch or something, in an attempt to be nice!

I know that is really hard,, but it just might help things!

It sounds like she really is trying to get your goat and guess what?

She is accomplishing just that!

iIt could be that you are a threat to her though she will not say or

show it, and maybe jealous and WANTS to push you out before

you even got a chance. She is probably hoping you will just quit so

the best way to stay in the ring is keep getting up!     =)

With all that said, I hope this helps and good luck!