How can I stand up for myself? PLEASE HELP ME! I NEED TONS OF ADVICE! ?

Question

Okay, I've been nice to people ever since I was little. I'm 14 and I'm going to high school. I'm WAY TOO NICE to people. My mom always tells me to toughen up because that lots of people are as nice as you. Let me give you an example: One of my classmates ask for a pencil, but I don't want to give them one because I'm losing pencils. I say "no" and they keep on asking me, then I just give them a pencil. Another example is: If someone pushes me down accidentally or even on purpose and they don't say sorry then I just forget about it. It's really important to me to be a little meaner because I'm going to high school and I don't want people to take advantage of me anymore. I mean if they get me really mad or if I've had a bad day then I argue with them, but I want to be mean to people even if I don't have a bad day. I think I'm a pushover too. Please help me! I need tons of advice! Thanks!

Answer 1

NO don't worry girl, i was like this all trough high school. I was always nice to people and some times people took advantage of me.

But so what. I was always my self. I had a lot of friends in high school. I wasn't the most popular girl in school but i was def well known. Just be nice to everyone and friendly and if someone tries to take advantage from you by asking you for things and so on, help them once and get them out of your life. Its that simple. You don't need to change, be nice, be friendly, and be fun and people will love you for that. How ever if there is some bullying going on, then definitely take care of it, but by immediately telling your parents they will know what to do. And good luck honey, i know you will be fine. I see my self in you and i'm 20 now and look back and i have no regrets.

Hope i helped sweetie.  

Answer 2

You are letting people take advantage of you and then you get angry about it but you are the reason why it's happening.  Stop being scared to stand up for yourself.  It'll be a bit hard at first because it's changing who you are right now and how you act but after the first few times you should get the hang of it.  For instance, in the case of the pencil incident you could just say something like, "I already said no." or "Fine, but give it back to me at the end of class."  Then make sure they do.  Simple stuff like this will add up and your self-esteem will go up too.  Sounds to me like you need more confidence in yourself.

Answer 3

You don't need to be mean to stand up for your self. Simply say to any one who asks for anything that you don't have a lot of "No, i'm running out. But maybe "Name here" has one." And just keep sticking with that.

If some body doesn't say sorry when bumping you there not always being mean, they might be shy or in a hurry, on;t mind to much of it.

Just kindly tell people to get off your back, on;t give them a huge reaction or they will keep doing it.

Use kindness in a bitchy way, it works the best.  

Answer 4

u need to grow a backbone. you cant be scared of people or what they think of you. if you get mad at someone, or dont want to give them a pencil, so what. high school is 4 years. theyll live. you probably wont even stay in touch with most of those people after high school anyway. you need to stand for yourself wen someone pushes you. u can say excuse you, push them back, or tell them not to ever ****** push you again. you need to get respect or else people will walk all over you for the rest of your life. and dont trust people. no one. especially in highschool. but if you really want to, trust like 1 person, 2 at the most. thats it. more than that will cause drama.  

Answer 5

Toughening up doesn't mean someone is mean nor does letting people walk all over you mean that you are nice. What I'm getting at is standing up for yourself doesn't mean that you will no longer be a nice person.

Standing up for yourself is something that takes practice to be comfortable with doing. You don't have to go around picking fights with everyone but start small to build up your confidence, then work your way up. If you have a brother or sister who needs to borrow something of yours make sure you don't give it to them unless they ask politely first (saying "please"). If let a classmate borrow a pen, then tell them to make sure to give it back to you at the end of class. Doing the small things can make you avoid the bigger issues later where you feel disrespected by others.

I just sounds as if you need to be more assertive.

Answer 6

You really need to learn to make people pay for their own actions. I wasn't raised to let people walk all over me, and no one should be any different. Once, in 7th grade, one of the more popular girls told me to buy her ticket to the dance for her, just so she could talk to her friends instead of waiting in line. She gave me the money, and I ended up waiting in line for a half hour, just for her, who I didn't get along with too well anyway. That's when I thought, "why am I trying to get on her good side? I don't even like her!" and now I regret ever doing that. It showed her she could take advantage of me whenever she wanted to. After that, I never let anyone do that to me again.

I had to start out small, just like you. You need to realize that anyone bitchy enough to ask you again and again for a pencil, when you clearly said no, isn't worth being nice to. You can either lie and say you don't have one for her, or tell the truth and say you don't want anyone to lose it.

If someone pushes you down, you need to say "hey, don't push me!" Call them an a*****e or something. I'm not saying push them back, but be aggressive enough to make an impression on them. Only do this if it was on purpose. If it was in a joking way, just laugh. If it was on accident, it's okay to ignore it.

I don't know whether I'm helping or not, but just remember to stand your ground. Depending on what high school you're going to, it can be pretty rough.

Good luck!

Answer 7

All your anger is inside you bottling up.  When you don't express yourself and contain your emotions too much it will all burst at once.  One day your just going to get so pissed you'll stab someone in the throat with a pair of sissors.  You better get a little pissed off for your health.