How can I stop holding grudges?

Question

I've been hurt and teased a lot in my life.We've all been hurt and I understand that some people let it go easily or it takes a long time but some people like me won't let it go. I've been hurt by friends and in relationships.It has really been affecting my self esteem and forgiving someone is easier said than done but I'm a christian and in the bible it states that you should forgive, but I'm having a hard time doing that. When I don't forgive someone, I usually become bitter towards them and sad.I usually don't speak to them and that's it.I think I'm nice but this causes me to feel bitter and insecure.What can I do to help myself so I can stop holding grudges?

Answer 1

remind ur self how dumb the situation can look.

Answer 2

don't focus on them and they will leave you alone.

Answer 3

I understand your frustration with your past, and how it never really goes away.  I am going to make a suggestion.  First, let me tell you that I am not a Mormon, but a practicing christian of another faith.  I suggest you get a copy of the book "The Miracle of Forgiveness" and read it.

Answer 4

well I'm kind of in the same boat, what helps a little is confrontation, don't just let it go, let it out and let it be known to the person who hurt you. Also God reminds me that I am suppose to copy His nature...think about it, He gets slapped in the face billions and billions of times a day yet He still loves us just as much, He's always there ready to forgive. I don't know any person who has been hurt as much as God has, yet He's still here for us

Answer 5

Let go and let God.

Answer 6

You need to just realize that when you hold a grudge against someone, it only makes you feel bad inside whether you know it or not. It saddens me to know from first hand experience how mean kids and people can be in this world especially because I have kids and it is inevitable that at one point in their life they will feel hurt by someone who is very mean.

The only advice I can give them, as well as you, is believe in yourself and remember that people who deliberately cause you harm actually feel bad about themselves too. Forgive them and just enjoy your life, your the only one who can truly make yourself happy and  feel good inside and if you hold grudges, you will feel bad.

Be well

Answer 7

One word.  Revenge.

Answer 8

In order to stop holding grudges you need to solve all the open problems. Tell all those people what you feel towards them and how they hurt you. After that it will all go away.

Answer 9

I've had some experiences with holding grudges and unforgiveness (if thats a word) in the recent past. A few things God has shown me along the way:

If you haven't forgiven someone, that unforgiveness will stand in the way between you and God. Its like its a barrier. In order for God to forgive you, you must be able to forgive them. Once you have forgiven them you will feel so much lighter and free-er.

Its kinda like when you don't forgive them, you are carrying around a big bag of garbage and giving the garbage (or unforgiveness) more value than it deserves. It really has no value at all and it stinks. Its just wieghing you down, but if you don't forgive someone you just want to hold onto it. But who wants to walk around with a big bag of rotten trash? No one.

So you really need to let God help you let go of the garbage and let God help you forgive the person. Once you are ready to fully forgive them and let go of the garbage, you will know and God will give you the strength to do so.

Just remember, once you drop the garbage and forgive them, don't go searching for the tempting banana peel at the top of the bag. Its gone, its dealt with, and God will help.

Answer 10

i've been through what you're experiencing, and i know its sometimes hard to forgive esp those who really hurt you, but when i forgive, its not out of myself that i forgive, i forgive ppl for God... i mean come on ppl all make mistakes they are bitter over things and thats how the cycle goes, when i see someone being a jerk, i think about how hurt that guy must've been to make those remarks, and then my grudges or malice goes away, not always but remember you're doing it for God, because God is justice :)

Answer 11

I'm pretty much the same way, except they usually hurt me more than once before I just simply put them out of my life. The way I see it is this, if I continue to let people walk on me, then it's my fault, because I let them do it, so I just put a stop to it myself.

Answer 12

Just let go.... hate in your heart will consume you.

Answer 13

I have this same problem.  What I do is take the good with the bad, and consider if it's really  worth being this angry about.  Think about why you're holding it.  For instance, my aunt steals from me all the time if we leave her here without supervision, but because I love her, I try and keep the peace.  God forgave us.  We just need to learn to let things go sometimes.  Materials are just things.  Do we really need these things?  Friends are just people, and people react the way they want to about things.  Does it really matter what they think?  Does it even matter if they think they are right?  There's a lot to think about before holding onto a grudge for ages.  Eventually, if you're willing to seek out the cause and flush it, you will find your solace, and break free from the pain it causes.  An underlying grudge is normal, and you are not alone.  Ask God to help you.  If you can't shake it, consider talking to someone you are close to about it.

Answer 14

I agree. Put the past behind you and keep moving. But I also think you should have a little back bone. Being forgiving and nice is swell, but some people in the world aren't going to give you a medal for it.

Answer 15

Pray for those you resent for 30 days. Pray that only good things happen to them.

Answer 16

Forget the bible for a second.  Some people are just plain bad eggs, and they don't deserve your forgiveness (whatever that abstract notion actually means) or your time.  Just evaluate the situation, decide if your life is better with or without those people, and then "forgive" the ones that deserve it and renew your relationship with them.

Answer 17

I think you've got the first step down... You want to stop. Thats great.  AND whats even better is you got God on your side.  Soooooo whenever you're feeling upset about something someone has done or said to you say a little prayer (or a big one).  Jesus had alot of people against him and he gave it up for you..... maybe its a Love thing then..  He loves us so much. We gotta love eachother even though none of us are perfect..  good luck

Answer 18

Just let it go and then you will feel better

Answer 19

sweetie u are EXACTLY like me. i understand exactly how u feel. ive been hurt and betrayed by my own family members and i still wont let go of 2 year long grudges with them. i think the best thing u can do is to work on forgiving day by day. u dont have to let it go all at once. in fact the best thing i find that i can do is just to forget about it. u get nothing out of carrying grudges and it can ruin ur mood at times. plus u can try going to counseling it helps me. =) i hope i helped.