How can I stop myself from worrying about him?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for a year. I am 30, he's 35. In the beginning he was very non commital because we knew he would be going away for 6 months on a temporary military assignment. 5 months into it I broke up with him because of it and a few days later he realized what I meant to him and he came running back, has been a different person, is very caring and good to me. Now we're half way through the 6 months we have to spend apart and we do communicate every day, either calls or texts. We've said "I love you" and he always asks how myself and my dogs, and my family are doing etc. But I can not stop this awful gut feeling I have that he is not being sincere. I mean, I can't get it out of my head how he was in the beginning and stand offish. Most of the time I am alright but sometimes if I try to call him and he doesn't call back for an hour or two (happens sometimes, but most of the time he calls first) and I don't ask what he was doing but I get paranoid that he is cheating, especially since I know he has quite a bit of free time and his roommates are single younger guys. I hate feeling this way, but I feel like it's taking me longer to trust him than it should. How can I stop this or am I right to be so cautious? (Also, I never question him I pretty much keep it inside. Plus our s*x life was very exciting and I worry that he can't resist temptation)

Answer 1

From what you wrote here, you haven't given any real proof to suggest he's cheating so it sounds like the problem is with you.  You are just mistrustful in general.  If he's in the military, you can't expect him to answer each and every single one of your calls right there and then.  It's not a regular 9-5 job where you can pretty much predict when he'll get off.  

If you can't even handle six months, how are you going to handle a yr or more of deployment?  My husband just got back from an 18 month long deployment and it isn't easy but if you can't trust your bf during the time he's away, your relationship isn't going to work outl

Answer 2

There's nothing you can do while he's away.  However, the fact that you question his sincerity and his faithfulness to you isn't good.  There must be more to this story...

Answer 3

I am a strong believer of intuition, gut feeling, or whatever else you'd like to call it.

If you have those feelings, back away.  Otherwise you will be finding yourself make justification, and trying to rationalize his behavior. And finding yourself more and more unhappy.

And in all reality, you are not with him 24/7 therefore you really don't know, and won't ever know if he is cheating, lying or being diseptive.

Answer 4

Typically, a commitment would solve your insecurity, and if what you describe is true, his love for you, should bring that commitment up when you meet again. The only way I know to stop these thoughts that come to your mind is not to let them develop any further. There is nothing you can do to change him especially at the distance, therefore trusting that he indeed loves you and wants to commit, and that the feeling is mutual between the two of you. is the best solution I see. Do  I hear bells .....

Answer 5

try not to be so jealous. Or has he given you motives to be so concerned? If he has cheated on you before just leave him.

Answer 6

Has he cheated on other girlfriends?  If you are able to find that out, you will have a good idea if he would cheat on you.  Other than that you will have no idea what he is doing other than to snoop on his phone or e-mail to see if he is talking to any girls.  You could trust your gut instinct but if you want complete total facts (and most of us do) you may never get them and you will have to decide if you can let go of your worries.  Some men are very comfortable cheating, they see s*x with other women as another form of entertainment and happily have their girlfriend/wife and flings at the same time.  I've been through this and I feel for you.  It is hard to be with someone who is away.

Answer 7

If he's in the military and you can't deal with 6 months what are you gonna do when he's gone for 1 yr.  You just got to trust him and if you don't it will never work.  By being in the military you are always on call so if he doesn't answer he could be working.  As long as you keep the s*x life exciting and you know that he's happy there is no reason for him to cheat.  He's probably just jacking off a lot.  Stop dwelling on the past and look at what he changed for you.  Its hard to find men who will change their ways.  Most military guys are interested in getting drunk.  

Answer 8

Ask! Please TALk with him JUST say How do you think we are doing, stuff like that. DONT ACUSSE him!