How can I stop negative body images in the media from influencing my children?

Question

This is a little premature, but my dear eleven year old niece declared at dinner that she needs to diet because she is "fat" (she for sure doesn't even weigh 80 pounds), and she wants to wear a bra to her cousin's 13th birthday party next week (she for sure doesn't need a bra). I say it's premature because our kids are 6 and 4 - but I would love some advice because I know these things can start early. I just feel like my kids have been growing up so quickly and before I know it, my dear four year old daughter will be asking for make up! Am I overreacting? Any suggestions or comments would be great.

Answer 1

I don't know how you can stop that, but I don't think that you're over reacting. Being a 14 year old girl, I know that all those ads and all those things you see can really make you think that you're not good enough. It's pretty hard not to let those things get to you.

Answer 2

Kids act like those who they look up to. Do you (or someone she spends a lot of time with) talk about being fat in front of her? Or dieting? If she wants to wear a bra, then go ahead and let her. I had sisters that were wearing bras while I was only 5, but I wanted to be just like them. So I begged my mom endlessly and she let me wear a bra. It didn't take me long to realize how annoying they were, esp when you don't need them.

Answer 3

Well, never use the term "fat" in a negative way.  You have to teach them to value what is on the inside rather than what is on the outside...the reason your neice thinks she is fat isn't because of the numbers on the scale, it is because there is something about herself that she doesn't like, and has the idea that being fat is a horrible thing.  

Try not to compliment your children on their looks too much.  Compliment them on their sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, sense of responsibility, and compassion.  There's nothing wrong with telling them they are pretty sometimes, but make sure that with every "You're so pretty" there are 2 "You are such a good person"s.

A person who likes themselves for who they are will do so regardless of what they look like.

Answer 4

My mother has said, and continues to say, how fast my little brother and myself, as well as all our friends are growing up. Heck, I'm 15 and even saying it about two children, who just turned 6 and 8, who I have been sitting for years now.

Now, my neighbor was actually 6 or 7 whenever she started wearing training bras, and believe me, she is now about 10 and still has to wear something a long the lines of a size 10 in children, if not smaller! I don't personally think that it was right of the parents to let her start that young, because now she is into makeup and boys and all that other mess 10 year olds don't need to worry themselves with. But I do think that 11 years old is an okay age to start wearing a bra. I mean, if for nothing else, to hide her nipples. In a year or so, she'll be in middle school and having to dress out; all the girls have bras.. As for her image, maybe her parents should just suggest that she eats right and exercise and that will be her "diet". Unless a child is 20 pounds overweight, they really shouldn't be on any kind of dieting program because they need that extra "baggage" to grow.

I think you're worrying a little too much about your children growing up though. It's okay to think abou it, but don't worry yourself with "in a few years...". Believe me, those children aren't going to stay young forever. In 10 years your oldest will be driving. Yes, running the roads! And your youngest will probably be going into high school shortly. Savor the moment while it's still there, and kiss them all you can because it's not going to last forever.

Little extras:

- A lot of girls start shaving in fifth grade, or about the age of 10/11.

- 52% of teenagers reported having s*x at least once between the ages of 15 to 19.

- A lot of guys learn what and/or how to "relieve themselves" during their middle school years. Approximately ages: 11-14

- A majority of girls start wearing makeup in the middle school years. Again, approximately ages: 11-14

The point of me giving you all that info was to hopefully let you realize something. Children DO grow up, and it doesn't take very long. Enjoy their youthful innocence. I know it's hard to do, but what else is their to do really? Complaining and wishing isn't going to stop their growth.

Good luck :)

Answer 5

Doesn't matter how much they watch the point is they watch. Remove the TV and don't allow them the magazines.

Answer 6

turn off the tv

Answer 7

I would make sure you counter act the negative influence of the media by limiting what your kids watch on TV, and when you see something that is too revealing or inappropriate, tell them that you think that.

I would also start now stressing that an active body is a healthy body, register them in sports, encourage them to eat healthy foods - vegetables and fruits, whole grains and lean meats - make it a family thing and talk about how good foods build their bodies and make them strong.

Don't stress about your own weight - they will pick up on that right away.

Make sure that you don't buy clothing for them that is older than their years - the stuff that is out there is sometimes shocking - the clothes look like they are for teeny-tiny little hookers!

Talk now to them about modesty, it is an old fashioned term and not used much nowadays, but it is okay to tell our daughters that they don't show all their bodies - if you want to encourage them to wear clothes that are decent, then make sure that is what you buy for them.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/fla...

Answer 8

Well, Rosie doesn't have a TV show anymore, but you can let her watch Doprah who's a big, fat cow and women seem to love her.

Answer 9

I wouldn't overreact just yet. Being "fat" is a HUGE problem, and kids should be concerned about their health. The hard part is keeping a healthy balance with health/body image. People in the U.S consider a size 16 as "average". I know for sure at least at Victorias Secrets a size 16 is NOT average. Thats an XXL!!! So there are a lot of "fat people" out there. I'd rather my kids be worried about being healthy, excersizing, and eating right. As opposed to not carring at all, and just sitting and stuffing their faces.

Everyone seems to believe being a mom, getting married, going to college, any major life change...that "you'll put the weight on". It's a crock of c**p excuses for overweight people to make themselves feel better. There is very rarely a ligit excuse for someone to be overweight. Most of it is just choice. So YES I would be concerned about the 11 year olds body image, she seems to be having difficulty. I wouldn't freak out just yet though, I'd simply reinforce the facts. Show her the growth chart for her age/height/weight. That'll put her at ease a bit.

Here's the standard one for adults:

http://www.healthchecksystems.com/height...

I'll see if i can find one for kids.* Ok heres one for kids that gives both height and weight:

http://www.kidsgrowth.com/resources/arti...

Answer 10

It's never too early to think about that.  My daughter is ten and I can see at this age she is already starting to pay attention to her hair and if her clothes match ok.  I've been thinking about the same things recently.  My personal ideas on this:  Absolutely no MTV in my house (and similar TV), absolutely no magazines (they are about the worst), and I have emphasized since they were young how important it is to be healthy.  It's OK that a child wants to properly take care of themselves, so when they start to lean towards wanting to be pretty and thin it's important to steer them back toward what's healthy.  Because really, healthy is the most beautiful of all right?   There's a great book called "The Lolita Effect" you could read too.

Oh, and my daughter is not yet eleven and actually does need a bra.  Mostly for those cold days if you know what I'm saying and many other girls her age are wearing them too.   I can't believe it!

Answer 11

11 years old is old enough to wear a bra. She may not in your eyes need it, but unless you have seen her naked you do not know that. My daughter is 9.5 and is going through puberty, I had already started my period at her age so she is following suit. And honestly some girls need a bra when their nipples start to develop, more than they do for breast. They can rub and become sore and a young girls is not use to them showing in a shirt. So it could be she has developed some it is just not noticeable with clothing on. My daughter has been wearing one for a year (the sports type) she is incredibly self conscious about getting breast and she feels more secure with a bra on.

And the media may not be the only one responsible for her body image. I have not met a teenager yet that does not put them self down and even a lot of mothers put themselves down.

It is not premature if it is her true feelings. You have to raise them to be confident in who they are as a person. But all that is typical for her age. Just reassure her she is not fat, and some girls do it just to get attention as well.

I don't put myself down in front of my girls, because children learn by example. If I slam myself they in turn will slam themselves. I honestly think that helps a lot. And anytime they put themselves down in that manner I make them tell me 3 things they do like about themselves. And I reassure them everyone feels this way from time to time. But is is not healthy to obsess over it.

Regardless of the media it is up to me to teach them self confidence, not ban all tv etc. And if your daughter ask for make up early, you simply say no not until you are a certain age and let it go. It is not all media it is a child wanting to be like others they admire, it may even be a mom or aunt or teenage cousin. My daughter has asked to wear make up because a lot of her classmates do, and I simply tell her no in time you can but not yet.

Answer 12

The best way is to keep your family fit and active. Tomorrow morning my oldest daughter are going for a couple mile walk. We'll come home for a bit and at some point we'll meet up with my husband - who has a scattered schedule tomorrow and we'll all play tennis for a bit.

We try to throw in activity where possible.

We eat healthy and make sure our kids do. They love salads and they look for *sugar amounts* in their servings.

If a child feels confident and healthy, they won't worry about being fat.

That's all you can do.