How can I stop the guilt!

Question

I work from home and am married with a 4 year old and a baby of nearly 5 months...at night is when I HAVE to work....my husband often hassles me to feed the baby when I am in the middle of stuff...like now! He just said..."Come and sort the baby out...you can't just abandon her!"...I am NOT abandoning her but if I dont work then a good chunk of our money will go! He KNOWS this yet when faced with the reality of it he goes blind and think I am the main carer....which I am in the daytime! My business is going well and I have to carry on! I worked VERY hard to get in a place where I could work at home and look after my own kids in the day...but he doesn't give me the space! I am nearly crying because of what he just said....am I bad?

Answer 1

Why isn't he helping out with the baby? It took both of you to create these children and it will take both of you to k look after them. It shouldn't be that hard for him to understand.

Answer 2

I do not see at all where you should feel guilty.  Parenting is a job for two, not one.  If you tell you husband how you feel and he doesn't try to be more supportive that is not your problem at all, it is his.  He should be there for you and the kids equally and if he ends up doing more, so be it, and vice versa.  Abandon is a strong word, tell him that and ask him to be a bit more mature in his choice of words.  And if you need to cry, then cry, it isn't a crime.  When people hurt you they need to be held accountable and have some compassion.  Hang in there, you sound like a strong woman.  

Answer 3

you are not a bad mum at all your husband is being out of order and has to learn to accept that in the evenings he has to care for HIS daughter

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Answer 4

Sorry but if your that busy what are you doing on here??

Answer 5

This sounds so familiar!  Why is it that dads can go away and work uninterrupted for 8 hours a day, but when mom tries to get a few hours to work at home, it's still fair game to interrupt her?  

You are not bad and you are not abandoning your daughter; you're doing your best to make sure her future is secure.  Why can't he feed her?  Even if you're breastfeeding, he could give her milk that you pumped earlier, or he could bring her to you so you can nurse her for a few minutes, and then he could tend to her immediately afterward.

Does he know what you contribute to the family financially?  If not, show him your income and ask him if he would rather do without.  Explain that just as he has to go to his place of work to do his job, you need to go to your place in the house and do yours.  Ask him if he would rather pay for a sitter while he is at home.  

Could it be that he's using you to quiet the baby when she cries?  My husband used to hand our babies to me to nurse ("can you take her - maybe she's hungry?") because it was easier than trying to quiet them down some other way.  But at 5 months, even breastfeeding can be scheduled somewhat.  Suggest other things he can try before giving her to you to feed.

Hope this helps.  Good luck with your business.

Answer 6

you always complain about your husband surprised he is still with ya  

Answer 7

you are not bad  just tell your husband that your busy even if your not but your tired

Answer 8

Bad?? NO!! You are doing more than your share of taking care of your family and home. Your husband is being a real jerk. he is immature and probably thinks he should be out with the boys playing video games. I'm sorry for you, but i"m not sure what you can do about him. He needs to grow up, be a man and help you care for his child.

I congratulate you for being a Mother, and a breadwinner, I just wish your husband would realize that. He is just refusing to, sign of gross immaturity. I'm sorry for you, Good Luck

Answer 9

No, not at all. I see exactly where you are coming from. Don't let him make you feel bad for working. WHy is his job any more serious than yours? He should be thankful you can work from home and at least give you some time to do your job. I may sound a little mean lol-I am in the middle of a break-up because my b/f never did a single thing for my son. I know that isn't the case here, but the resentment comes out when men think it is only the mothers job.

You are the same great mother while you are feeding her and while you are working to make money. He may not get it, some guys are kind of ignorant to us women's sensitivities, and they cannot see the situation for what it is, maybe if you let him know.

Answer 10

it sounds like your husband is unsure of his capabilities of taking care of the children try to constantly reassure him that he can do it and let him know that you are not abandoning your children you are just doing what you need to to make sure your children are provided for to your standards.  

Answer 11

NO.............ure not bad!!ure just sandwiched.try balancing ur career wid ur motherhood as both r imp. n cant b ignored.divide ur duties wid ur hubby equally.feed ur baby full n then start 2 work,or express ur milk in a bottle so tht ur hubby too can feed the baby wid it.

Answer 12

why cant he look after the baby? did u make it on your own or was he there too? tell him to take some responsibility and help u out!

Answer 13

daisy your a very good mummy tell your husband to give you a break .

Answer 14

You already got lots of great advice.  You definitely need to sit down and talk frankly with him, how upsetting his comments are, and how you need to work as a team.  

Could it be that you are always telling him how to take care of your daughter, so he doesn't want to try? Heck he might do it wrong.  Dad's handle babies differently than Mom's do, and babies need both interactions. Let him learn his own way.   Has he ever been home alone with the baby?  If not, you need to go out grocery shopping without her, not during nap time, and let Daddy be in charge.  Once he's more confident and handling it on his own it should be easier for him.  

Now, if it's not a confidence dealing with the baby issue,  he's not willing at all to help with the baby and being a real jerk about it, tell him that you'll be hiring a sitter for the evenings when you're working. He can supervise the sitter while she cares for your daughter.  

Good luck!  

Answer 15

no, you havent abandoned your children to nursery or child minders, you are doing what in my opinion is the ideal thing, working when your husband is there to to care for them.  though i think maybe you would be better if you did go out to work then he couldnt call you to tend to them and he wud have to get on with it.

his attitude is so old fashioned and i think all the answers you get will be along the same lines and when you have got loads (which im sure you will) i think you shud go and show him.  though i dont think it will make much of a difference cos he sounds like a really SELFISH MAN

Answer 16

No you're not "bad". You need to sit down and have a discussion w/your husband about how what he says to you effects how you feel.

he sounds unsure of how to cope w/out you when he is attending the baby. reassure him that he is doing a great job w/the kids on his own. sometimes men need their egos pumped up.

if he's just acting like a baby about it then maybe you need to have a serious discussion w/him about how your job is JUST as important as his and that he needs to respect that.  

Answer 17

ur not bad at all if he is doing that 2 u then hes not being supportive, if he knows u need this job then tell him he can do ur work or tell him u will feed the baby if he goes and finds a job better than yours, you should not feel guilty, and dont get to mad at your husband hes probly going threw alot having to deal with 2 kids. But just put him into place, train him like a dog(that was SORT OF a joke but it could work)

Answer 18

Your not bad at all, and fiar play to you for working a full day looking after your kids and then 'starting' work again in the evening.

Unfortunately, it is very convenient for some men to stay in the 19th Century! YOU should certainly NOT be upset. No offence, but he sounds like a d**k.

Answer 19

No not at all, he is not being supportive. Why cud he not see to the baby? Your children are very young and I think you are doing a brilliant job of being a wife ,mother, cleaner, carer, cook etc etc. tell him to sort the kids out or you will find an office job so you an go to work for a break.

Answer 20

You aren't bad.

He shouldn't be applying so much guilt to you. He should be trying to help you every way possible. Tell him haw you feel and be strong... your trying your best.

Hope I Helped

Si =]

Answer 21

Ignore Oh Mummy wasn't so long ago she was bragging about having a cleaner in to help her cause she couldn't cope with a toddler and new baby !

Hun you can only do your best and at least your helping out by working as well ...why feel guilty your doing a great job and don't rely on others to do it for you !

Answer 22

You guys are gonna have to sit down and work out all the details of this arrangement. He may have to be more understanding and you may have to give a little too. A compromise. What you guys have to understand that it's not a battle it's teamwork. You are both working towards a common goal. I hope this helps. Sometimes it takes a small action to make a big change. Good luck.

Answer 23

Daisy, you are not bad, your husband is the jerk here!!!

Would he want you ringing him at work and telling him he has to come home and look after the children NO so he shouldn't be hasseling you either

tell him to wise up and do what he is suppose to do and that is look after the children while you work

By the way have you made a decision about Australia yet???