How can I stop thinking about what happened?

Question

My wife had a miscarriage a few weeks ago, and I have been thinking about it a lot today. I can't even sleep because of it. We are still minors so when we got married my parent's and hers said that the only way they would sign consent is if we promised them we wouldn't have another baby intentionally until we finished high school, so we cant just try for another one. What can I do so I don't think about it? It's really starting to get to me really bad.

Answer 1

I understand you completely. I had a miscarriage also and I had trouble forgetting it for a long time. I still carry sadness over my baby and I'm pregnant again and it's 10 -11 months later. A child dying isn't exactly something you can forget about. And wanting another baby is perfectly normal.. my body cried for one. And if both of you want a baby it is your decision and your parents don't really have anything to do with it. do what makes you happy, just make sure you are making a rational, responsible decision and can handle the consequences. good luck :)

in response to what the guy below me says, you are not being selfish and there are plenty of ways to pay for things. Plenty of government assisted programs that buy food. the only thing government doesn't buy is diapers. which aren't that expensive. you can even get her on an insurance plan totaly free that pays for the pregnancy and birth completely.

Answer 2

please let her body heal so that she can carry the baby. and you have time to prepare for the baby's arrival and you two can spend very well quality time before it is gone.

Answer 3

Sorry to say this, but you guys are too selfish!  and too young.

Having a baby is much more than just feeding him/her.

Have you thought of how you're going to raise the baby over the next 20 years?

What kind of quality environment will you be able to provide for the baby?

Will you be there for the baby when he/she grows up if you're busy trying to make ends meet working 16 hour days?

Are you having a baby for his/her own good?  or for your own selfish desires?

Is it fair to the baby if his/her parents can't provide for him/her later in life?

Think about it.... and if you still think you're all ready, go for it!  

If not, stay in school a bit longer till you're ready to provide for the baby.

good luck

PS.  remember, baby's needs both love from the parents, AS WELL AS milk and other stuff which you can't quite yet provide.....  and him/her can not, and will not survive and live a good life with only one one of the two criteria fulfilled.

Answer 4

I agree with what the others have said. Take the time to heal and finish out school. Take this time to heal and bond together. You will both know when the time is right to try again.

Answer 5

Of course she wants another baby right now.  You are both in a lot of pain, and rightfully so.  Go see a counselor together/apart.  It is important to speak to an un-related third party.

And my sincere condolences.  Work together.

Answer 6

Well, you are minors so you should definitely wait until you graduate. That is tough though, I know what it's like to have a miscarriage and lose a baby. It can take some time to heal from it. Just give it time and you will let go eventually. Take what you can from the experience and move on knowing that it wasn't meant to be and that you will have another child someday.

Answer 7

honestly i say even though it is a sad moment take it as a life lesson also i was 15 when i got pregnant and then again at 17 it is so hard. you are so young. be sure you do as your parents say and finish school. take it form someone that has gone through much of the similar things as you but i do have two kids i had to homeschool to get my diploma but that cost my grandpa alot of money. and now i dont even have custody of my kids i was so young and should not ahve gotten married young i ended up divorce and now remarried and am 22 we have split custody and honestly i love my kids with all my heart but at the same time i am so happy that i dont have my kids full time cause it allows me time to spend with my husband just enjoying himand allowing us to get to know each other better i have been with him for 4 years now and there are still things i am learning. i say wait and be glad that god ended that pregnancy to show you to wait. i also had 2 miscarriages one jan 4 2006 but that was not very heartbreaking on me and then again april 25 2008 just a few months ago that was hard sitting in the er bleeding like crazy hurting os bad sitting in the wiating room for 12 hours bleeding all over the place. just for them to say there was nothing they could do i just had to wait it out then the next day i saw my tiny ball of a baby and umbilical cord in the toilet.  have a picture of it on my phone that hurt me so bad. you will get over it but it is hard. but finish school and even go to college to make a good life for you and your family have as many things set up as you can before you have a baby. my husband now wants a baby but we are waiting till i get promotion and we are preparing and buying all the baby items now to be ready   good luck  

Answer 8

You are married, so it's not like they have any control over it. Saying that, I really don't condone teenage parents that are still in school. Get your education then have a baby. I'm so sorry for your loss, but time hopefully will heal all things. God Bless!

Answer 9

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but the miscarriage was natural, and the pregnancy+miscarriage may have had a higher purpose.  Life is incredibly hard if you don't have money, and it's even harder if you're supporting a family with no money.  Use the opportunity given to you to finish highschool AND college, and get a job before you start having the babies.  

Answer 10

Well, I am so sorry for your loss.  I would definitely wait until you are done with school.  If you need to, see a counselor.  There is nothing wrong with seeking help to work through your grief.  When the time is right, you and your wife will be blessed with a beautiful baby.