How can I stop worrying?

Question

I have 4 boys aged 13, 13 (twins), 11 and 8

My older two are honor students and independant and my 11 yr old is a straight A student and very mature for his age, independant and all that.

My youngest is so different. He has a learning disability where his brain processes things a little slower than normal so sometimes he repeats questions a few times before he understands your answer. He is also an anxious child and he worries about everything. He's afraid of thunder storms and loud noises. He struggles in school and he has an IEP and gets a lot of help.

My issue is I worry about him constantly to where it causes me a lot of stress. I know how anxious he is and how he is always asking questions like where are we going and why and what will happen next. Today he went for his first day of summer school and normally I drive him but now he's taking the bus which he wanted to do. I would love to send him off on his own and not think twice but I worry and wonder if he is okay

Answer 1

Just because he technically has a "learning disability" doesn't mean he won't understand when somebody hurts him. He is 8 years old, and though he's a little slower than the others, you need to treat him the same. If he wants to ride the bus, let him. If he wants to do something on his own without Mommy tagging along, let him, and encourage him. He's probably so anxious because he's picking up on your anxiety. Calm yourself down and he will too. Show that you are confident that he can accomplish anything he wants to do, and he will without much guidance. Be glad he's the one constantly asking why, because that can be a road to greatness. He may not have as much "book smarts" as your other three do, but if you let him grow and stop holding him back, he will have alot of common sense, which is more valuable than simply knowing trigonometry. Also, if he does have a problem with his bus, he is smart enough to ask an adult what to do next, so stop worrying. You are looking at the insecurity of the whole thing, but step back and see the potential for this kind of personality and nurture it.

Answer 2

Worrying won't change anything, so it is a waste of time.

Have you talked with the teachers/bus driver, other people about special needs?

Are your older sons on the bus/at the school to help look after him and/or let you know how things are going?

The baby of the family almost always get extra attention by the mothers - treat him like he is one of the other older ones and he may act/learn/do like them.

Answer 3

I understand your worries. I think that you should try to eliminate the "non logic" worries, which you probably have made out of your imagination. In your imagination you have created a series of possible events that might never take place. Separate those worries from the real ones, which are based on reality and focus on them only.

Normal people automatically sense or feel protective when they encounter an anxious child. Other children are not so understanding, but as he already gets special attention in school and the adults are aware of his problem, the negative responses he might get from other children would be minor and only makes him a little tougher. It`s also positive that you have sent him to summer school alone. You may affect him with your worrying, he surely senses it and that is why it`s good for him to be a little away from you.

You are a good mother and he will be fine.