How can I support a friend in an emotionally abusive relationship?

Question

She's been with an arrogant, control-freak, rude, manipulative, a**hole for over three years ... I can't stand the way he treats her. None of her friends can. She has stopped seeing most of us, probably because she's embarrassed she's still with him. Since they've been together, she's totally changed: she used to be full of life and energy, but now she is sick a lot and tired .. emotionally spent ... it's like she's lost all her zest.

He has ruined her self-esteem, because she doesn't really see what is wrong with how he treats her -- she's makes excuses for his terrible behavior all the time -- and she says they are going to be together forever.

I don't think he hits her ... but as a friend, I am at a complete loss. I hate to see her in this relationship, and I want to help her, but I don't want to lose her dear friendship. She is the kindest person I know, and I love her.

Is there anything I can do?

Answer 1

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Answer 2

Definitely stay in her life, keep the friendship. I lost my friends. I pushed them away from me because he did not want me to discuss our problems with them, according to him one of my best friends (male) was trying to get between us. He kept at it untill I basically mentally broke, gave in and submitted. I never thought of myself as someone who would give into that, that's why it took my a long time to realise it. I thought I just had to look after his feelings because he was so sensitive, so emotional and in fact very sweet. Do not judge her for being in the relationship, do not necessarily tell her he is emotionally and mentally abusing her cause she will probably push you away, but she does need you. Try to find out by quietely talking to her what happens when they're having arguments, if he's turning things around, causes her to react emotionally, shifts the blame to her. This gives her the posibility to finally express herself and to find some acknowledgement of her side of things. Most likely she completely doubts her own perspective and believes what he makes her believe about herself. Also she probably has the need to talk to you and other friends but does not do it because he does not want her too. But whatever you do do not judge the relationship cause she will shut down, she will think you do not understand their love (her love for him), do not make her feel like that it will only strengthen the dependecy she is experiencing. His behaviour controls her and makes her feel very weak, to her it seems he is the solution. But she will have doubts and be unhappy about the relationship try to get to know more about that, but be kind with her, she is already incredibly hurt.