How can I supress my desires to be a mother?

Question

As a kid when people asked what i wanted to be when i was older it was always "A Mum!". I know my main goal in life is to have children and be a wonderful mother to them, providing a healthy happy environment as possible.

I've had two miscarriages before, both unplanned but very much wanted babies.

I'm only 21 but I feel i need to have children sooner rather than later, and feel ready in both my situation and emotionally.

However, I asked my partner the other night what he thought of trying for a baby and he said "its not the right time, we aren't rich!" and said he wanted to wait at least another three years until we have more money so he can buy the best things for baby and me.

Very sweet, but its never 'the right time!".

I would never 'trick' him...so how can i forget about being a mother for 3 years when its such a burning desire?! Help!

PS this isn't a love-craving thing, I have very loving attentive parents, siblings, partner and extended family

Answer 1

Borrow someones couple of weeks old baby for a few days and nights!

Answer 2

spend a day witha baby who has colic that should help !

Answer 3

ok im a man but here goes....

you should talk to a freind or relative who has a young child and volunteer to babysit the child for a weekend, you may discover that a child is bigger responsibility than you thought.

if this only strengthens your desire then get a job at a daycare

or some other job than allows you to care for children

i think that 21 is too young to become a parent you should definitely wait till you are older because it would be sad if you regretted your decision when you are older and want to progress in your career

maternal instinct is natural and i dont know of anything to quell it

Answer 4

Spend a day (and a night) with friends who have a youngster... That'll put you off. Who needs sleep, or disposable income anyway...

Answer 5

Spend some time with a friend or relative's baby - you'll realise just what hard work it really is and believe me, you'll be only too happy to wait.

Edit:  ah, I see Tall Paul agrees with me!

Answer 6

Quit being a Psycho. Grow up. When you are ready, become a mother. From what you have said here. YOU ARE NOT READY.

Answer 7

there will never be a 'right' time to have kids, babies dont need 'the best' my 1 year old son is just as happy in his cousins hand me downs as he is in his £65 dior trousers, babies need food, love and a roof over their head.

i had my first at 21, the dad left and i had to leave my job leaving me with no money but hes now a happy 6 year old that was the result of a very strong desire to be a mum. in 3 years is he definately going to say yes or is it still not going to be the right time?

Answer 8

theres really nothing you can do to surpress that desire thats been naturally installed into you by our CREATOR.  I think youre ready to be a mother regardless of what anybody says, 21 is not too young for kids, thats a bunch of B.s.  No matter how much money you have, as long as youre dedicated to being a good parent, you and your husband will be able to provide for the child.  No matter what.  Be patient though, you'll get a child when or if GOD wills it to be.

Answer 9

I had my first at 20.  And it was anything but easy.  I love her absolutely, but there were sacrifices that I made.  I ended up quitting college- I couldn't see any other option at the time.  That made it difficult for me to make enough money to help out w/ bills.  Daycare is outragously expensive.  I had gotten married really young, and by the time my daughter was 1, were were seperated.  By the time she was 2, we were divorced.  It was extremely hard to support me and her and I had to live with my parents for a while.  

Your partner's concerns about money are valid.  It is very expensive to have a baby- even if you stay home and not have daycare expenses.  You may want to research a bit just how much it would cost with diapers, food, clothes, doctor bills, etc.  You are right that there will probably not be a perfect time, but there are times that are better than others.  I think you are probably just looking at all the wonderful things about being a mom- but there are things that aren't so great either.  You don't need to be able to buy the baby the best things, but you don't want to go bankrupt either.  

Being a stay at home mom is great.  I'm one myself right now, but I am also aware that my life could change tomorrow and it's a little scary not knowing how I would take care of my family.  I know I'd be able to do it, I just don't have alot of fall back on right now.  Being a prepared parent would be one thing a great mom would do.

Answer 10

Get two kittens.  You can love on them all you want and it's okay to leave them for hours when at work.  I say get two kittens so they can be companions while you are away.  Trust me, it helps with the burning desire.

Answer 11

Is there any family or friends that have children?  Maybe you can arrange to play with their children.  I'm certain they would welcome someone to entertain their kids.  This would allow you the opportunity to express some of that motherly love.  This is just an idea.  I would enjoy your husband to the fullest in these "pre-children" days.  You two need time together before beginning your family.  If I had it to do over, I'd travel more when it was just my husband and I.  I'd enjoy our freedom to the fullest.  Have fun in these three years before you are tied down!!!

Answer 12

get a  cat or  a dog that you can mother the h**l out of! You really are too young to be having babies, so have kittens instead!

Answer 13

Get yourself a hobby and throw yourself into it. As for right time unfortuantly there will never be a right time as something will always come up but it sounds like your partner is not ready emotionally just yet. Enjoy being together and when your both ready it will be the most amazing experience.

Answer 14

The idea that it will "never be the right time" is a myth. You're young and unmarried, and you have many, many childbearing years in front of you. Get yourself establish, buy a house, save some money- that will be the right time.