How can I tactfully handle my relatives' questions?

Question

I have been happily married for about 2 and a half years. My husband is in the Air Force, and I teach in our home state, WV -- about 1500 miles away from where he is stationed in Minot, ND.

When Jon gets out of the Air Force in 8 months, he is planning to enroll in an Engineering program at Georgia Tech in Atlanta, GA.

WV is the only state where I am certified to teach, and because we think we'll end up here after a while, I'm working here and counting all these years toward my retirement.

So, in short, I really don't know when we will live together again. When he gets out of school, we'll probably be together full time. We have been doing okay with this long-distance marriage arrangement, as we get to see each other every few months.

But since he is getting out soon, my relatives are making us quite a conversational topic, questioning our decisions and expecting us to have all the answers for the future.

I'm sick of this! Although I know they love us and are concerned about our marriage, all these questions about who's-going-to-live-where and when and all that are just making me sick of talking to everyone. I get the feeling that they really disapprove of the way we live our married life.

The way I see it, marriage is something different for every couple. How can I tactfully handle these frequent interrogations?

Answer 1

by saying what you just said here. i personally think it's important for couples to live together it cuts out the temptation if you know what i mean,you should think long and hard on this b/c living in another city for convience is a whole other thing of him being deployed overseas. you can go for certification in georgia. so instead of just accepting this try investigating what it will take to be certified in where he'll be. they are hurting for qualified teachers these days so it may be as easy as taking a test. i'm sorry but i do agree that long distance relationships is the end of a marriage no matter how strong it seems to you. even the best man can have a lapse of judgment. but  if it works for you it's between you and him and NOT everyone else.

Answer 2

Tell them that you are sacrificing now so that you both can have a great future. Keep feeding them the "Air Force for 8 months --> 2-4 years of school --> Hubby lives with me for the rest of our lives" flow chart.  That is your plan.  If they don't like it, tough.  (

You don't want to go live in Georgia anyway.  The public school system in most places down there is really bad.  There is racism... and reverse racism... too.  Stay put.   I do find it interesting that he is going down there for school and not picking a tech school closer to home... like Virginia Tech.  To each their own I suppose.

Answer 3

Just say "it's our marriage, and we'll work it out", end of discussion.  If the continue to bring up aspects of your marriage that do not require a discussion with them, which, I imagine would be 99.999% of it, then you just excuse yourself from the conversation.  And, they should have some politeness on their part to know when to stop asking questions about things that are not their concern.  I hope that you have a wonderful life together and that everything works out for you, and your marriage stays strong!

Answer 4

Simply tell them that you don't have all the answers and that you realize that what has worked so far may not work well at all in the future, but that you're not going to create problems or anticipate problems where none currently exist.

In other words:

"If "we" find that it's not working as we had hoped, then we'll strive to reach another accommodation, but please stop trying to do my worrying and anticipating for me."

It sounds a little better than pounding your chest and screaming "It's MY life," but it basically means the same thing.

Answer 5

Just tell them you're not sure how you are going to handle future living arrangements then change the subject. They're going to talk and they're going to ask questions because they care about you. As long as they think you are okay with things, maybe they will find something/someone else to worry about.

Answer 6

I like what you said - marriage is different for different couples, you can make this work and many many couples probably couldnt. I would just say very polietly. " Thanks so much for your concern, its great to know our family cares for us, but this is something we need to deal with just the two of us. Talking about this situation is a little stressful for me, could we maybe talk about something else?"

Good luck :)

Answer 7

it sounds like you and your husband have your lives planned and are being respectful of each others careers.  he is furthering his education and you are continuing on with your career too.  it must be hard living apart, but the two of you are making it work.  

a lot of families like to be judgmental busy bodies.

i would tell them the two of you are madly in love and you have your future for the next couple of years all planned out.   then ask them to pass the butter and hopefully you can move on from the topic.