How can I talk my man into a vasectomy?

Question

We are planning on getting married in December... He is a 46 I am 26...He has two kids from a previous relationship and I have one.. His children are in their late teens and mine is 5.. I don't want anymore kids and neither does he... Whats the best way to bring up a vasectomy without making him feel like less of a man?

Answer 1

Men who are "talked into" vasectomy have more trouble after the procedure, especially if they have complications. Since the procedure comes with a known risk of infection, excess bleeding, chronic pain, and can affect sexual function, it seems unwise to "talk someone into it".

Answer 2

Why would it make him feel like LESS of a man?  You are telling him that he has a loaded gun.  That would make him feel more manly if anything.  I would talk about having kids.  Lots of kids.  The expenses.  The time.  The hassle.  I would ask him if he wants more.  Then I would talk about birth control options, and one of the most effective and easy birth control methods is a vasectomy.  If they give you a tubal ligation, that is major surgery and very expensive.  You can easily forget to take a pill, and it's not all that effective.  But a vasectomy can be performed in a doctors office in only a few minutes and there is a very short recovery time and its inexpensive and highly effective.  Good luck.  He still might not go for it.  LOL!!!

Ohhh--- and did I mention that it's easily reversible, whereas a tubal ligation (for you) is not.  And it has NO, I said NO side effects.

Answer 3

Why should you be telling him what to do with his body?  Wouldn't you be upset if your ex asked you to abort your child?  If you don't want more children, you need to be responsible for you.  Even if he is going to be your husband.

Answer 4

He probably won't have it done unless he also wants it.  The best thing to do is go and get you some birth control.  

Answer 5

The only way to have a happy marriage is communication. Not to sound rude, but you had better learn to communicate before marriage than try to after. Be open, honest and caring. Good Luck

Answer 6

first off. it's his decision. not yours

don't force him. it's his decision.

just say it straight out. "honey"? maybe you outta get a vasectomy.

if he agrees. fine

if he doesn't that's fine too.

there are lots and lots and lots of other birth control methods out there.

and you don't have to go for the most "for sure" things right from the start.

I can't name them all, but trust me, there are lots and lots of them.

don't force him. I would be upset if you tried to force me, and I would down right let you know that I felt upset too.

Answer 7

Most guys that are snipped that I know are busy BANGING anything they can get in the sack. Are you sure you want him cut? IUD is easy less permanent, and cheaper. A few years from now you may want kids. Lastly what makes you think you will have a long lasting marriage with a guy as old or older than your father?  A better question is WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? You have nothing in common other than s*x. This isn't going to last. So I can see why he doesn't want to get cut. You know he's going to kack before you even retire.

Answer 8

no threat of baby's anymore lets just practice .  

Answer 9

That's his decision, not yours.  If you want sterilization then you should look into getting your tubes tied.  That was the best thing I ever did...!!

Answer 10

You can't......just like he can't ask you to have an abortion.You can offer love and support but ultimately the decision is his.

Answer 11

What's wrong with the IUD without the hormone release?  My wife has it and it works like a charm.  Less invasive and you don't have to worry about until 10 years when you just change it out.

Answer 12

There is no good way to bring that up to him. More likely then not he will not want to have it done. So go and get your tubes tied if you are that worried about it.

Answer 13

That is a wives tale that he will be less of a man. He will still ejaculate it just knocks the sperm down he will still have fluids. He won't perform any different oh well maybe better with out the fear of having another kid.  You are both adults right well just sit down and talk about your options for not having any more kids.  

Answer 14

First of all, disregard the people who tell you that 20 years is too great an age difference. Age difference doesn't matter when people are compatible and love each other. The bigger age difference can even enhance the marriage.

I read through all the answers and here's my advice for you: don't hurry into permanent sterilization. That goes for either of you--be it a vasectomy for him or tubal ligation for you. You may not want children now but who knows how you or he will feel a ways down the road. You may change your minds. Plus, vasectomy isn't easily reversible and the surgery is complex and expensive.

And don't worry about him feeling less of a man if he does decide to have a vasectomy--there's no threat to a man's masculinity after such a procedure.

Answer 15

You can remind him that it is much less invasive for him to get snipped than it is for you to get your tubes tied.  Also, it is more easily reversed in case you guys change your minds.  

If all else fails, fall back on the fact that most men are essentially lazy.  If he gets it done, it's outpatient and takes about 20 minutes.  He will get pain pills and sit on the couch for the rest of the night.  If *you* get done, you may be somewhat out of commission for 4-6 weeks while you recover and he will have to do all the housework and take care of all of the kids in the meanwhile!  

Answer 16

At his age, almost all his peers will have had one.  Ask them to talk to him.  Avoid asking men that have not had a vasectomy for they have no clue at all.

I am 42, and I can tell him that it is nothing.  I had mine, over 20 years ago.  It was the best thing I ever did (the only difference is I have no children).

Answer 17

I had mine several years ago and it made it easier. You don't have to worry about unexpected pregnancies. I'm as much a man as I was before the oper.

Answer 18

My husband and I have been married 27 years and after the 4th child (an "accident" due to condom failure) he made the call to have a vasectomy all by himself. Needless to say, I supported him all the way!

That was 20 years ago and he has never regretted it or felt like less of a man because, hey, why would he? s*x anytime, any place, always ready and never a risk. If anything, we have better s*x more often.

Sweetheart, when you're done (having kids), you're done. Putting it off is not insurance, it's a risk.

Answer 19

tell him you are pregnant with triplets...that should do it