How can I tell if my 4 yr old is being worked with by his mom, ( putting shoes on the right feet, etc.)?

Question

my 4 yr old cannot put his shoes on the right feet, he cannot button his pants still wets the bed and cannot say his abc's or count to 10 no matter how much I have worked with him, it seems his mom whom he is with sun thru thurs. is not working with him at all, me and my wife are at our witts end with his mom and don't what to do any help will be appreciated ....

Answer 1

there is also the possibility that your son can't do things correctly because 1. he is nervous around you, or 2. he is resentful of your separation & doesn't want to cooperate.

relax. your child should enjoy being with you. not dread the days he will be staying with you because he can't do things right

Answer 2

Since you have been working with your son when he is with you and he's not picking it up it's possible that his mom is also working with him.  I don't know the history between you and his mom and how long you have been married, but if it's something recent, perhaps he is having a hard time adjusting to it all.  It may be that he will pick it all up a little later than other kids.  Keep working with him, make it fun for him so it doesn't seem like work and give him lots of encouragement and praise for little things to build his confidence.  If you are truly concerned you can talk with his pediatrician about the things he should be able to do at this age.  Don't let him hear you talking badly about his mom and don't let him hear your concerns about his ability to learn things.  I wish you and your family the best!

Answer 3

A four year old really does not need to know how to put his shoes on the right feet, say his abcs or count to 10.  Or even to sleep without wetting the bed... buy some Pullups!  He'll get it eventually.  Just like he learned to walk and talk and hop on one foot, he'll learn all of those things.  Have you ever met an adult who could not put his shoes on correctly or count to 10?  

Relax, stop putting pressure on your baby, and enjoy the time that you do have with him!

Answer 4

I can tell that you care about your son. It's frustrating when you feel that something is beyond your control.  But take heart!  There are some things you can't do anything about, but there are many things you can do.  Focus on all the things you can do to make his life the best it can be.  

I think it is true that different kids develop different skills at different ages.  For example, my son still doesn't quite understand the shoe thing, and he is older, but he knew all of his ABC's at a very young age.  Just do what you can with the time you have.  He will get it.  I think the trick is to just work with them a little bit each day you are with him.  Little by little, day by day, he will get it.  I think you have to try different things.  All kids have different learning styles, and you have to keep trying until you find what works for that child.  Games really help with the learning, because they are having fun and they don't even know they are learning!  

At the same time, I wouldn't worry too much.  The percentages of kids who still wet the bed at that age is really pretty high.  And there are many kids learning their basic numbers and letters even in kindergarten.

Also, realize that his mom is probably doing the best she can.  Moms really have a ton they are expected to do.  It takes a long time sometimes to teach children these skills.  You have to help them practice over and over and over, and when you already have a crazily busy life, teaching them these things sometimes feels a little overwhelming.

Answer 5

all children learn at different ages.All children put shoes on the wrong way.All children wet the bed.May be your child is a slow developer.When he starts nursery see how he gets on,ask the teachers how he`s doing,they will soon pick up on his progress,and tell you either way.

good luck

Answer 6

First, not being able to tell the right feet and wetting the bed are still age appropriate.  Second, the emotional trauma of your split up, a new mommy, and changing parents every few days could contribute to some of his delay.  Not to say that this is your fault or that it will affect him permanently.  It's perfectly normal.  

Now, is your child in any kind of childcare or preschool during the day?  The teacher could give you a better idea of what she has seen of the interaction between your son and his mother.  She can also give both of you ideas for how to help him at home.  If you do not have him in preschool, you need to get him there.  There are many programs available for free such as the universal pre-K program.  Just make sure you find a program with qualified, caring professionals.  

The most important thing is to not show your son your frustration with him or his mother.  Just be a loving daddy and talk to him, play with him and help him learn when he is with you and do not, seriosly, do NOT make him feel slow or like it is his fault that you and mommy aren't together.

Answer 7

Just ask him.  A 4 year old should be able to tell you.  I'm not trying to be mean.  Just make sure you work with him a lot when you have him.  Good luck!!!!!!

Answer 8

Mike, all children learn at their own pace.  What he is doing is appropriate for his age.  Just keep working with him.  He will learn these skills when he is ready.  Remember that kids this age learn best through hands on activities.  "Saying his ABC's" is NOT the same thing as learning them.  Teach him the letters in his name first, as these are the letters that have personal meaning to him.  Start with the first letter of his name.  Find it everywhere.  "Look, Johnny, I see your J!  Here it is!"  When he starts recognizing his J, move on to "I see Johnny's J!  Can  you find it on this page/cereal box, sign?"  You'll know when he's got it because he will start pointing it out to you.  Then you can move on to the next letter.  When the lights start to come on, it will probably happen very quickly and he will amaze you!  Counting from 1 to 10 is rote counting and fairly meaningless to a 4 year old at first.  Try counting THINGS.  Socks, toes, fingers, Cheerios, etc.  Start with things he can touch, and keep the numbers very small at first.  3 Cheerios, 2 socks, 2 feet, then five fingers, then 10 fingers.    Enjoy your son, because he will grow and learn so quickly you will be astonished, and you will miss these young years!

And don't worry about what mom is or isn't doing.  You are only responsible for YOUR parenting.  Try these things I've suggested, and then be proud of yourself for what YOU have helped him to learn, and proud of him for what he has accomplished.

Answer 9

I work with pre-schoolers and while every parent seems to want their child to be able to count to 10, or say the abc's, this really isn't the important stuff at this age.  They are "developing readiness" skills during this time.  Your local school board should have an educational diagnostician, speech pathologist, or even a preschool teacher who could give you an idea of age appropriate skills.  In pre-school the 4 year old is BEGINNING to be taught these things.  Many times it is too stressful for the parent to teach them, and they do better in a preschool program.  Don't put a lot of stress on him at this time - it will make him fearful that he will give you the wrong answer - and kids don't like to disappoint their parents.  Also, as some others have said, just because he may be maturing a little slower doesn't mean anything is wrong.  Boys do not like "sit down" learning, especially at this age!  Work on telling him names of things, repeating his verbalizations back in complete sentences, having him  match numbers and letters instead of naming them.  Just a few suggestions!

Answer 10

all children learn things at different stages, it will suddenly click over night. maybe its not the right time for him. different people also have different approachs now days they are encourgeing staff at preschools to not always correct children if they have put shoes on the wrong feet but talk to the child so they can work it out. children will learn that shoes on the wrong feet hurt. also abc and 1,2,3 isn't preschool that is kinda in aus that is. dont stress it will all come together, chn also learn a lot through play.