How can I tell my daughter that her father doesn't want to be in her life?

Question

I have a lovely 4-year-old little girl named Kayla. She means the world to me. But her father doesn't feel the same way about her. He doesn't want to be a part of her life. I once even heard him tell a friend he wishes Kayla weren't his daughter.

Kayla has cerebral palsy. She can't walk. She can't stand up for long periods of time (only about 10 minutes). She can't talk, but she can hear. She can't feed herself. She takes special medicine to help control her seizures.

Kayla's father left when Kayla was diagnosed with cerebral palsy 2 weeks after birth. I haven't seen him since. He has sent cards for Kayla's four birthdays and for Christmas days, but not a letter or ever called. I asked him why he doesn't want to be in Kayla's life because she has CP and he said because no one in his family has it. Only two people on my side of the family have CP. Kayla makes three. Her father knows these two members of my family and he has befriended them. This only hurts me even more because he will befriend these two members of my family who have CP (both are teens), but doesn't want to be in his daughter's life.

I think my little girl should know why her father isn't around. I have a boyfriend who loves my little girl and treats her like she's his daughter. She calls him, "Daddy". But I still believe Kayla should know why her father is never around so she doesn't have to wonder where her father is all the time. I'm not sure if 4 is a good age to tell her, but I want her to know before she's 10 years old.

Answer 1

i don't think 4 is a good age she wont really understand yet why he left and if she does she will think its her fault even that its not. 10 or even 8 would be a good age she will understand more .

file for support especially with the medical bills your going to have and even ssi if she does not have it yet

Answer 2

I feel for you as i have a similar situation. My ex left me when i was 3 months pregnant. My little boy now knows someone else as daddy. Its hard to know what age is best to tell them. I, too, don't want to leave it until he is too old as it will be more of a shock. Ive started off telling him that he is special, he has 2 daddys. I havn't yet ventured into telling him his 'real' daddy doesn't wanna see him, we have just so far told him his daddy that he has now loves him so much. i think you and myself will both know when the time is right. Good luck with everything and if you ever want to talk, email me as i know kinda what you are going through x

P.S your daughter is better off without him if he has views like that. Your current partner is very special x

Answer 3

You should wait until she's older and not talk about her father at all right now. Some day she'll ask, and you can talk about it then. She doesn't need to know that her CP was an issue, that's something she was born with and can never change. Her life is going to be difficult enough without the thought lingering in her mind that her father didn't want her. You love her enough to make up for the love she's not getting from him. I would ask him to sign over his parental right, and to stop contacting her. Being a father is not just sending cards on special occasions, and those cards are nothing more than a harsh reminder that he doesn't want to be a part of your daughter's life. You are the only parent that she needs, and if your boyfriend wants to adopt her, then you can all have a happy life as a family,  without her biological father. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 4

Ask him to over his righta and let the boyfriend adopt her.

He isnt being anything but a sperm donor right now anyways, and she has a daddy so let him be that always.

The other guy is a loser and she deserves better than that anyway.

As far as what to say to her, just start by not talking about him as much, and re inforcing the actual daddy in her life.

Answer 5

Your daughter has a family right now and she is happy. there is no need to tell her that her dad dosnt want to be part of her life because of her condition...she is going to take that information and blame herself and that isnt right.

Leave it alone, and when she is old enough to ask about her dad, you just say he wasnt ready for being a parent. Some things are better left unsaid, and to possible cause your daughter to feel responsible for her dads decision. Its not fair for her to feel blame.

Answer 6

just be honest with her, she will appriciate it when she is older, just tell her hes usless and so on

Answer 7

no ithink its too early to tell her yet.she wont understand.i think you should wait till she atleast 8