How can I tell my friend that she insulted me/my fiancee by seating him at a nosebleed table at her reception?

Question

I was a bridesmaid in my close friend's wedding. She and I have known each other for over 25 years. She has known my fiancee as long as I have - over ten years! She specifically told me that she had seated him at a table with a group of our friends for the reception. When I arrived I found that she had, in fact, seated him across the room from our friends at a table of two people who were invited last minute. He sat through the four-course dinner (over an hour and a half) by himself not knowing a soul, while our friends on the other side of the room had a grand time. I am extremely insulted and angered by this rude gesture, and he feels like a piece of chopped liver. After spending nearly $1,000 to be in her grand wedding, I feel it is necessary to bring it to her attention. Please help me deliver this to her in a diplomatic way... Sincerely, Chopped Liver's Fiancee

Answer 1

It sounds to me like this was a mistake, pure and simple..

You know in your heart that she did NOT deliberately seat him with total strangers across the room..

My advice would be to let it go for now..Maybe sometime in the future you can "jokingly" bring it up and then you'll find out what extenuating circumstances left your fiance there..

Please remember that this was her BIG DAY and if a mistake like this was made, she couldn't have been bothered with it at the time...

Please just let it go for now, o.k. ? I'm sure there's a logical explanation.. :-)

Answer 2

I am sorry but I am not sure I understand.  From your post, it sounds like you and your fiance were not seated at the same table.  If I were in your shoes and I found out that my fiance would be sitting with strangers when that was not the agreement, I would have pointed out the mistake at the reception and have my boyfriend moved to the correct table or arranged it so that I would sit with him even if that meant I would not be sitting where I was supposed to sit.

I would write a note to your friend.  Remind her of what she had told you about the seating arrangement and described the actual seating arrangement. Tell her you are confused and disappointed by what happened.  Do not bring up how long she has been friends with you or your fiance, or how much you spent on being in her wedding, or even the fact that you were her bridesmaid.  She knows all those things.  See how she responds.  I hope that she has a good explanation for what happened and that she has the grace to apologize to you and your fiance.  People make mistakes, and brides and bridegrooms, especially, often make mistakes because they have so many things on their minds.  This doesn't excuse her behavior, but it explains it.  If she values your friendship and is truly sorry, I hope you and your finance can find it in your hearts to forgive her.  After all, a 10-year or 25-year friendship is precious.

Another thought.  Was it possible that someone else changed the seating arrangement without her knowledge?  She might not even know where your fiance was seated, or found out when it was too late.

ETA:

Since you found out that the bride was the one who made the change, and since both you and your fiance are very upset about his, you do need to bring this up and see how she responds.  Otherwise, my guess is this will fester and really hurt your friendship.

Again, I hope she has the grace to understand and to be truly sorry for what she did, and I hope you and your fiance have the grace to accept her apology and forgive her.

Answer 3

Seating charts for weddings are extremely impossible to make everyone happy.  I would let this go.  It just isn't possible for everyone to sit with someone they know and frankly part of the fun is getting to know who you are sitting with.  After dinner, everyone is free to move around the room so what is the big deal.

Answer 4

I think the polite thing would be let it go.  Maybe there was some extenuating circumstances that forced a rearranged seating situation last minute or someone else did that for her and she didn't realize until it is too late.  He could've taken that opportunity to make new friends.  If she's been a good friend for the last 25 yrs, I think you should just let it roll off your back.