How can I tell my husband I am not physically attracted to him?

Question

We have been together for 6 years now and he has gained probably 30 lbs. It is mostly in his stomach. He keeps eating fast food and doesn't watch what he eats at home. I am not physically attracted to him anymore. His face is so handsome, but his body is not so attractive anymore. He was chubby when I met him, but he is getting big now. I don't want to hurt him, but he won't do anything about it and it is hurting our relationship. I don't want to have s*x with him because I think of that big belly. I know I'm not perfect and I don't expect him to be, but it's getting ridiculous! Just today my Mom said he would be gorgeous if lost 30 lbs. He would! He looks like Taylor Hicks...grey hair and all. LOL

Answer 1

I think you never really loved him and are using weight as an excuse to get out of relationship. 30 lbs is nothing that cannot be reversed or lived with.

Answer 2

just wait til you start sagging

Answer 3

Wow, unconditional love lives on, just not in your house. 30 lbs.? Just cut the poor guy loose so he can find someone who loves him for who he is....big belly and all.

Answer 4

why are you being mean to him!  what will happen if he told you that and kicked you to the curb?  I think Taylor Hicks is cute.  I wish I knew your husband because I would take him to a strip club!

Answer 5

By all means, TELL HIM you would find him more attractive & delectable if he went on a plan. Join him if you like, even if you don't need to, the encouragement could be good for him. Best of luck!

Answer 6

keep in mind that you married your husband for better or for worse.  We as a society tend to look more on the superficial then on the person that we fell in love with in the first place that is why the divorce rate is so high.  Something as easily fixable as a little weight gain should be addressed.  Tell him honestly how you feel, and come up with reasonable solutions to help him to eat properly.  Maybe even workout with him.  Also think of how you would feel if the roles were reversed and you put on a little or a lot of weight how would you want your husband to treat you?  How hurt would you be if he was not attracted to you anymore?

Answer 7

I'm not sure, but I'm in the same boat as you.

I was finally fairly blunt one day and explained that it wasn't just looks; I was also concerned about his health.

I got us both bikes and he seemed to enjoy the outdoors activity and started watching his diet. Unfortunately he backslides when he becomes stressed over work, finances, etc....

I really think counseling may be in order as the eating seems to be driven by emotions; at least in our case. Possibly in yours as well?  

Answer 8

If something as superficial as 30 pounds is getting in your way, why not trade him in?  

Then again, why not have s*x with him and let him do the work?  Do it often.  At least you know he's getting a workout.

Answer 9

tell him youre feeling like youre not really in shape and you think you two should go to the gym. if youre both getting in shape together he'll appreciate your fitness just as you will appreciate his.  tell him its something you want to do for eachother...for health and for sexual attraction

Answer 10

No no no!!!!Do not ever tell him that you are no longer attracted to him, there isn't a nice way to say that. What you need to do is the exact opposite. You need to start complimenting him and make him feel better about himself. Men sometimes get comfortable, and feel like the hunt is over. They get bored just like we women do. His self-image is low, so he's begun to eat and gain weight. If you can turn his self-esteem around and make him feel good about himself again, you can actually get him to feel like working out to please you and himself again. Start by taking walks together after dinner, and remember to sit up and take notice when he dresses nice or takes a few more minutes to primp for you . The more you compliment, the better he will feel. Tell him that you think he is very attractive, and he will always be attractive to you. As he feels more atrractive, things will spice up in the bedroom as well. Think like a woman, you know telling him that you are not attracted to him anymore is hurtful not helpful.  

Answer 11

well just tell him in a nice way and say honey i think we need to cut back on eating out and start having healthy foods and get a gym membership.Being healthy is the key to living longer

Answer 12

The part that bothers me about this..is that you won't have s*x with him b/c you think about that "BELLY" how about think about his love, the man he is. How he treats you. (???)

What will happen when you have a belly someday? And I promis you, you will if you are having kiddo's. I just don't get this.

If you don't find your hubby attractive, someone else will gladly have s*x with him..i'm sure.

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To indulge your ?:

Can't you just tell him your worried about his health? And offer to start a diet together. Motivate him to go for walks with you at night.

Answer 13

try to eat healthy around him and don't have unhealthy snacks.

i would try to exercise more and have him join you.  I get an rush just exercising and love it.  He may start to enjoy it, too.  Once you see more results tell him how much you love it when he exercises and how he is looking better and better... it makes you want to have more s*x with him.  more you encourage him the more he will want to work out and stay looking good for you, too.

Answer 14

I can't imagine feeling that way about someone I love. Does he treat you well? Is he loyal and faithful? Theese are things that mater so much more. Take a hard long look at yourself. I know you aren't perfect. Then maybe tell your best friend, which is hopefully your husband that you love him so much and want him to be around longer, start cooking and eating healthy and join him on the journey you say he needs to go on.  As far as sexually goes... try some new things that will hopefully spice things up. When you commited to him you didn't do say i do only untill i'm not attracted to him... it was better or worse.

Answer 15

How - Very Gingerly!! If you "tell" someone (anyone) that they "need" to lose weight, chances are they will end up feeling insecure (or More insecure than they already may be) and end up eating more as a form of "comfort". I would approach it as a team effort. Make it sound like You want to start exercising yourself, and you want him to join you. Even if you just starts with an evening stroll. Good Luck!!

Answer 16

Just be honest with him but approach it diplomatically.  Maybe suggest you both give up fast food and start a work out regimen,  

Answer 17

Why don't you suggest both of you start working out together.That way you have some quality time to spend together.As far as the fast food,make dinners at home so he doesn't have the opportunity to eat fast food.And be patient,it took years to put the weight on and it will take time to take it off.Good luck.

Answer 18

Ssince I don't know your ages, I can't say for sure that you aren't already losing muscle tone and gaining a bit here and there.. but you will. Reckon he will stay with you ? Maybe he will think if   you lost 50 pounds you would look great. A little encouragement to eat healthy foods  in the eating dept.  might help him.  

Answer 19

Chances are he already knows. Don't add insult to injury. What ever you think he should do, be prepared to do the same. He may have already given up depending on he's age. Most men are sensitive to these kinda of things. More than we are given credit for. We know when you've lost interest, some will act differently to this situation. some may just keep eating, some will have an affair, some may just ignore the problem. Most want to fix it, they just don't know if it will fix you. I think the best thing for you to do, is to make him feel comfortable with himself, make him feel wanted, and then try to change the things that you BOTH need to do.

Answer 20

Just divorce him and hook up with that really hunky guy that you've been flirting with. Of course that guy doesnt love you and he'll definatly dump you after hes had his fun but so what, who needs love when you can have s*x with men that have nice bodies!!.

Answer 21

Maybe you shouldn't say that to him at all.  It's natural for many men to gain weight in the stomach, just like how many women gain weight in the hips.

Do you cook?  If so, change to a much healthier diet.

Instead of the unattractive perspective, maybe try telling him that you're concerned about his health.

I really don't think you're going to help the situation by telling him that you don't find him attractive and that basically you think he's fat.  That could just get him depressed and have him eating even more junk food.