How can I tell my mother in a nice way to STOP! the inneundos?

Question

Ok, my mom likes to make these "comments" lately when I go over her house to pick up the baby after classes (I'm taking two hard classes in the Summer, Calculus and Biology 2) but they will be over next week when I have finals. The Fall semeser starts after Labor Day so I'll have two weeks to "chill" and be a full time mother lol lol. She says things such as when I mention Jamie (my wonderful husband) "last time you two were together you never got out of bed!) sometimes out of context to the conversation we are having. I livewith my in laws in their home who seem to treat me more like an adult then my own mother! I bring my baby over to my mother to watch while I go to college (I'm a Math and plan to add either Physics or Chemistry for a dual major). The comments per se don't bother me but honestly I'm always worried about him and G-d Forbid!! something might happen and I might lose him. Her comments just remind me of my fears. Usually when I see my little one smile at me the annoyance goes away and I just smile at my mom and laugh it off. When he has Leave in November over Thanksgiving I guess we will spend a lot of time "sleeping" but we'll have a lot of catching up to do. Maybe Jacob's little brother or sister will start his/her journey in life lol lol.

Answer 1

I would tell my mother nicely if she has a problem with Jamie I wish she'd just be up front about it, and that I love him. I think it's wonderful you have that kind of marriage! It sounds like your in love. She shouldnt beat around the bush, and you should defend your husband if needed. If he's as great as you say then ..he deserves it!

Answer 2

Why are you living with your in laws?

I would say THAT has a lot more to do with why your mother does not treat you like an adult hon.

Answer 3

You need to tell your mother that her comments upset you. Let her know that you are worried about Jamie and she isn't helping you. Your an adult now, so just talk to her like one.

Your mother will always treat you differently than your in-laws. She's your mother and you will always be her child, not matter how old you get.

As for the comments about your not getting out of bed... those are inappropriate. Let her know that comments regarding your s*x life is crossing the line.

Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 4

Perhaps this is as much to do with you struggling to adjust to you growing up as your mom? We parents do find it difficult to accept our children growing up. After all, it is a reminder of our own mortality! Perhaps your mom is trying too hard to 'let go' and treat you as an adult. Would she make such comments when you were younger? Why should her comments remind you of your fears? How about talking to her about what she says and how it makes you feel? That would be a sign to both of you of a new dimension to your relationship, wouldn't it? And why not talk to your husband about the whole thing? The sharing of such thoughts and fears and emotions between a couple is an important part of the relationship. It is not easy and I know my wife and me found it hard to communicate well for a time. We still do not sometimes now. But we are more aware of how important it is and work at that.

I hope that helps. Good luck and hope Jacob's little brother or sister has an enjoyable start to life! Lol!

Answer 5

You know, it really sounds like your Mom is plain jealous. She sounds like she just needs a little reassurance that you still love HER and still want to see her. It's hard when mother's care for their children for many years then their children get married and the relationship completely changes. Your Mom just feels left out and less loved, I believe. Your relationship with the in-laws began with you as an adult -- that's why they treat you as an adult. But it was your Mom was the one who took care of you through thick and thin, sickness and health, with all her love. Make sure you really show your Mom how much you love her and how important she still is to you. I bet the little comments will stop real quick.

Answer 6

I'm sure she isn't meaning any harm but if it bothers you you should be mature enough and assertive enough to address her by saying that her comment is inappropriate.

I'm in college myself and my mom tries her comments too mostly because they don't want you to get farther than they got it's a control issue and she needs to stop because when Jacob gets older he might repeat such things at inappropriate times.

Be strong and don't let her get you down.

Lisa

Answer 7

The ONLY way to stop another person's rude or intrusive comments, is to counter their comment with

"That's something you don't need to know."

"Or, that's not for sharing with you."

Keep it simple, and keep it light.  And move the conversation to another topic instantly!

^j^

If you and your husband want to act like bunnies

that is NONE of anyone's else's business  :)

Go for it  ;p