How can I truly accept myself- bigger thighs and not-flat tummy and all?

Question

I'm a teen girl who's tired of hating her body. I'm 5'6" and 130 lbs. and I feel fat compared to the naturally stick-thin model types that make up most of my grade. I run (cross country-type of running), play soccer, and play basketball, as far as excercise and my mom is going to teach me about strength-training (lifting weights/dumbells), so I can tone up my muscles. I still feel overweight, though. Like I'll never be good enough- there'll always be someone thinner than me. I don't know what to do since I excercise and eat healthy (health-nut parents). For the past year or so, I've tried to cut calories, diet, loose weight, excercise more ecessively (sp?), and basically anything I can (including skipping breakfast and lunch and only eating dinner each day for a few weeks). I realized that what I was doing wasn't healthy, but I felt kind of trapped. I felt I couldn't accept myself (big thighs and flabby stomach and all) unless I lost weight/toned up, but try as I might, I couldn't loose weight. Anyway, I want to accept myself how I am now before I try to change anything. I have a problem where I care too much about what other people think, but I can't really stop it. My mind is so sure that people won't want to date me/be my friend/etc. because I'm not thin enough. For the longest time, I was sure that being thin would make me happy- that it would solve all my problems. How can I truly accept myself, though, once and for all?

Answer 1

I totally understand what you mean - and yet I am the typical model.  I am stick-thin, but trying to gain weight.  Where I live (East Africa) a little bit of meat is beautiful - not girls who dont look like "real" women!  Can you imagine that it's actually culture and media influencing our view of beauty?  I hate being so skinny, even though I apparently have a nice figure, for me it seems I have to be an Angel Lola Luv or

nothing.  And I understand your pain - but you must understand - everyone who loves you, be it one person, or one million - they love you for you.  Not the you that YOU think you HAVE to be.

And most importantly , YOU must love you.  How can you offer your whole being to someone else to be loved, if you yourself dont love you?? Imagine selling a product you dont believe in - its the same thing!

I feel like a hypocrite telling you this, since I'm feeling the same emotions - but I think we both know deep down - we need to stop trying to change how we look, and focus on changing our negative characteristics so we can be some sort of positive influence in someone's life!  For me, I'd rather inspire someone than be on their bedroom wall ANY day!

Answer 2

I'm not a teenager, I've been around a little while, and let me tell you that most of the guys I talk to say they don't like those stick-thin gurls.

They're afraid they'll break 'em.

Answer 3

if it makes you feel any better- i am 30lbs heavier than you, and feeling the same way and I have a boyfriend that loves me with his whole heart and we have been together for 4 years, when I first started dating him I weighed 135, and 30lbs later he still tells me I am beautiful. So don't worry about not finding someone to date you or the girl that is skinnier- once you get out of high school it's a whole different ball game- and I am 19 and in college.

Answer 4

Just wait a few years for those other girls to catch up!  At 5'6" and 130 lbs, you sound like a curvy young woman... and did you hear? That's s**y nowadays!

Listen, when I was 12, I was way more developed than my girlfriends.  I felt like a monster.  Now I am almost 20 and people consider me to be very attractive, even moreso than the girls who started out skinny.

Obviously, as a woman, you will always feel like you could lose a few pounds, but from what you say, you are quite fit!  And the more muscle you train, the bigger you become, not smaller. Use small weights, and stretch, stretch, stretch after every session.

You need to stop being so self-conscious!  If you feel this way now, you will never be happy with your body, even if you became skinny!  What you need to do is buy clothing that flatters you, and change up your style until YOU think you are s**y, and that confidence will eventually show, and THAT is what guys notice.

Answer 5

i don't really have an answer 9sorry) but i just wanted to say that i feel the exact same way! people always sa you look just fine you don't need to lose any weight but they don't know how i really feel. i don't want to be a stick or anorexic or anything but i hate feeling like this.

by the way that's awesome that you realized that what you were doing (skipping meals ) was unhealthy and stopped. that's really good. that' what i'm trying to do now just eat healthier and exercise some.

good luck!!