How can a domestic violence survivor stay safe?

Question

My friend already changed her #, moved, and got a protective order. Her attacker is being released from jail soon.

I told her she will be fine, but she is panicking. What can I do to help her?

Answer 1

Protective Orders only mean something to somebody who respects the Law or consequences of breaking it. Career Criminals and predators are not deterred by it. I suscribe to the belief that there are three types of human beings. Sheep, Sheep Dogs and Wolves. Sheep and Sheep Dogs recognize and respect Protective Orders. Wolves don't its a meaningless scarp of paper to them. And is a joke, they take delight at terrifying Sheep as fools who believe such nonsense.

Human society has always had all three types of people. The Majority of the populace are Sheep. Nothing wrong with that. They are conformists, are harmless toward others, non predatory and difficult to arouse to anger. When Confronted by a Wolf they yell "Where the h**l is the Sheep Dog?" Most people would not harm anyone, even when provoked are not capable of extreme violence.

Sheep Dogs look like Wolves, Growl, have fangs and Claws and when angered are capable of being provoked. The difference is their violence is controlled, and is not directed at the Sheep except to save them from a Wolf. Marines, Police, Firemen, Coast Guard Swimmers, EMTs are all Sheep Dogs. Pick a fight with a Navy Seal you will wish you had not.

Wolves are pure predators. Often hunting in packs. But they recognize the real Threat of Deadly Force and will avoid a confrontation if they can. Sheep Dogs live to confront the Wolf. They prepare and practice for the day it shows up.

A Protection order only keeps the Law abiding away. Find a Bad *** family Member who will impress that the Law is not going to protect this criminal if he messes with your Friend. He will get the message. But the person making the threat must be prepared to carry it out. Otherwise the Wolf will see it for a bluff.  

Answer 2

"Safe" is a relative term. What feels safe to one person may feel vulnerable to another. As a friend, be supportive and encourage her to seek outside help and counseling. She can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline (1-800-799-SAFE) or check out the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website (www.ncadv.org). They will have excellent resources.

I would also encourage you to praise her for the great steps she's already taken. It isn't easy to work through all of this, but she's doing great.

If she hasn't notifed her job, place of worship, or any other people with whom she feels comfortable sharing, she should consider it. It's important that her job understand what to do and create a safety plan. The workplace is often where assaults occur, especially in the parking lot. Her company may provide an escort to her vehicle at night, for example.

I would encourage you to not tell her everything will be fine. You can't promise that. Recognize and validate her feelings of being scared, but encourage her to focus on a plan that gives her more peace of mind.

A local program can help her through the planning stage and refer her to other local resources.

Good work helping her!

Answer 3

she should get with a big hunky bloke who would have no problems standing up to pathetic, idiotic bully's like her ex

Answer 4

Tell her to lock her doors and never go out.  These days people can do all their shopping on the internet anyway, so there's really no need for her to ever interract with another human being again.  If she's of a nervous disposition, that's probably for the best.

Of course, it's important to remember that he probably doesn't want to have anything to do with her anyway.

Answer 5

She could contact one of the links below for practical assistance and advice.

These services are free, and she can remain anonymous. her confidentiality will be respected.

Best wishes to you both! :-)

Answer 6

Dogs - more than one - and BIG - trained to protect and attack.  The attacker may be able to get through one - but not all.  I would suggest Rottweilers - as they are low maintenance, loving and very frightening.  

She could go to the net and identify agencies who sell trained dogs.  That would be the only way that I could feel safe.

Answer 7

GET HELP!!!

Talk to women's refuges and they can put you in touch with services that can assist her in keeping safe. The good news: if the separation happened more than 18 months ago then she is statistically safer (than in the first 18 months)

Answer 8

Buy a gun. The only person that can make her feel safe is herself.

Answer 9

Get several certified copies of the protective order.   Keep one with her, have one posted at work,  etc.  

BTW I have a carry permit.   I would not be ashamed to use it to protect myself.