How can a family do this?

Question

We were doing our traing for foster parents and in our class were a couple who were fostering and will be adopting there great neice and newphew. both parents lost custody do to drugs and they did not give all the family out there, so kids were adopted by a single mom. She died a few years later and the woman family returned them to CPS. The lady in my class then became aware of them and asked to be the one to have them.

When you are adopted it is for eternity not till your adoptive parent dies. you are every much apart of that family as anyone else. The kids aunt (who is adopting them) still has contact with the family because the kids are attached to their cousins. I would feel so guilty if i were that family giving those kids back to CPS

Answer 1

that is horrible.  I feel sorry for those children.  They have to be in so much pain from losing parents (even if they were bad ones), to getting adopted and then losing that loved one, to be rejected by a part of the adoptive family.  Thankfully their Aunt stepped up and giving them the love they need.

Answer 2

Isn't that just infuriating?  I hate hearing c**p like that.  It makes me want to smack people, even though it would do no good.

My husband and I know who our children would go to if we were, for whatever reason, unable to continue parenting them.  Unfortunately, neither his family nor mine would be the best resource (my family is abusive, and will be kept at arm's length anyway, and his family is just overextended and wouldn't have the time or energy to devote to our kids).  Thankfully, I have some wonderful "chosen family" that I wouldn't hesitate to rely on if it were necessary to find yet another "substitute" family for our children.  My best friend, who I have known for 20 years and is more my family than my own family is, would not hesitate to take care of our children as though they were her own, no matter how difficult it might be.

I don't think I would be able to go through with an adoption if I didn't have a guaranteed back-up plan for my children where I knew with absolute certainty that they won't be thrown back into "the system".  I would personally feel as though I were making an irresponsible choice.  How could I purposely bring children into my family, if I knew that they'd just get pawned off on someone else if something happened to me?

I think the family of this single mom absolutely dropped the ball, and their actions are horrible.  But at the same time, I think this single mom was irresponsible to bring children into her home without knowing with absolute certainty that they would be taken care of in the case of her death or disability.

All families should prepare for the "what if's", making sure they have wills in place, etc.  But most especially, adoptive families MUST have these "what if's" planned for, in detail.  It is so unfair to bring a child into a situation where they could be abandoned yet again, just because mom or dad didn't want to think about the potentialities.

Answer 3

I have been told that in some states now when an adoption fails (this one did because the children were returned by their Adoptive Family extended adoptive family but, still the same.) that in many states now they do go back and look at the biological family again...  However some of the reports I have heard don't make this sound like it should become an accross the board deal.

There was a news report about a little girl age 13 who had been in foster care most of her life with several problems during placement. The state reconnected her with her mother and sadly the girl has been strung along again in the system...

The sad truth is that children are given back to CPS way too often especially when there are significant special needs... The truth is that every child deserves to be "The Most Important" to some adult and what I think is most hearbreaking is the fact so many children grow up without knowing they Matter Most to someone.....

Answer 4

So much for the proverbial 'forever family'

I don't know how a family could do that to family members, especially after the trauma of losing their second mother! Poor kids

Answer 5

My husband and I put great care and thought into who would care for dd if God forbid something happened to us.

We made sure she was provided for and that her caretakers would be more then a caretaker...a mom and dad that would love, accept and cherish her the way we did when we welcomed her.

Why this is a sad story it happens in biological families too.

So more for blood is thicker then water.

Answer 6

Goes to show you that not all adoptive families view adopted kids as "real" family members.  I got it all the time from extended family; my a-brother and I were never considered family by most of the great-aunts and uncles.

Answer 7

its amazing what people will do.

Answer 8

Not everyone sees adopted people as real family members of their adoptive families.  I've met a number of adopted people whose adoptive family members (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.) never accepted them as family.  

It's sad, but it does happen.

Answer 9

They obviously never bonded with the children and never considered them to be theirs.  You also need to be aware that many kids in the foster care system have some SERIOUS needs and they may not be able to cope with those needs or meet them.

Also, some fault lies with adoptive mom for not having a plan for these kids in the event of her death.  ..every responsible parent should....especially a single parent, in fact that is one of the requirements for my agency when someone adopts the name of a person who will care for the children in the event of this.

Just because a person is committed to adoption and foster care, does not mean their family feels the same way.  Many families never really accept the children into their lives the way they do the other kids (especially when adopting an older child)...it is not right, but it is reality!

Answer 10

Sometimes people just do not have the means to take on more children, no matter how much they may want to. It is unfortunate that these children have bounced around as much as they have thus far. Children don't get to pick their parents, and sometimes it seems so unfair that they are stuck in a life they had no choice over. If they are able to escape the grips it has on them, they may rise above and be better for it.

Answer 11

I'm not sure how that happened, unless the adoptive mother didn't have a will specifying her wishes for the children in the event of her death.  It seems fishy.

Answer 12

In my youth, I was a foster child. I got passed around anytime the foster family thought I'd be trouble( usually after one or more of them tried to abuse me in some way) Foster parents, and sometimes those who adopt have no idea what they are getting into. It is suppose to be a permanent relationship, and not like a puppy which you can turn over to a shelter just because it got too big.

Answer 13

I hate to say it but this is hardly a rare situation. When my amom passed away 16 years ago her entire family stopped talking to my brother and I. I saw my grandfather twice in the 10 years after and didn't speak a single word to him either time. My aunts and uncles stopped calling and my cousins couldn't have cared less. In fact I saw one of my cousins on Monday and she looked me directly in the eye before making a very hasty getaway. When people adopt most try to treat the adoptee the same as they would a biological child, their families don't always follow suit.

Answer 14

How sad for these children. As if they haven't been through enough. This is a good example why EVERYONE needs to have a plan in place for their children.

My younger sister will be our son's guardian if anything were to happen to myself or my husband. She is in her early 20's, but loves our son as much as we do and will  raise him with the same beliefs and values that we are trying to instill in him. Of all my siblings, she si the most mature and reliable. She also currently has a close relationship with him.