How can a parent help a teen daughter understand how an unplanned pregnancy impacts the whole family?

Question

Teens apparently are not being educated about the impact of a unplanned pregnancy.

They expect Mom and Dad to solve all their problems and everything should be OK . Are we doing a good job as parents in protecting them from reality?

I knew as teen I had better not end up pregnant because there would be H*ll to pay for months and I just might end up kicked out for good. It was enough to keep me in line.

Todays kids seem to have NO respect for parents or household standards. Why do we let them get away with this?

Answer 1

There are a lot of reason kids are they way they are now days .. (I'm only 21 and saying this .. o my) It's because of lack of discipline. Really.. I know when I was younger if i dared to come home pregnant I wouldn't make it pasted the thresh hold. Now days due to lazy parents there is no discipline. Everyone says it's because of laws now days .. I don't believe this one bit.. If spanking when truly needed is acceptable .. even in this day in age.

Answer 2

well my coworker's son got his girl friend pregnant at the age of 15 or 16

and money was one of the biggest things he couldn't afford a full time baby sitter so the son stayed home to care for him the boy failed just about every class and now it looks like he cannot go to college

they were just meeting rent so now they have to down size on a house in this case the mother was the one who isn't there

and now this boys social life, educational career and life style have all taken staggering blows

and i always heard the stories but it took some one i knew to take the hit for things to rly be in perspective

and unfortuntally i think a lot of teens are the same way

they kno it happens but they always tell them selves it won't happen to me

Answer 3

I dont think parenting your child about s*x and getting pregnant is about "how it will impact the whole family". Thats certainly a part of it, but whats more important is to instill good values in your kids from the start. That waiting for s*x for a committed, adult relationship is what is important. How prevention is important as well if they don't decide to take your advice. And honestly, I dont think most teens out there decide "oh well, my mom will take care of the kid, everything is cool". I think teens honestly believe bad things cannot and will not happen to them. They think they are invinceable. And they stupidly take a risk and make a mistake and get pregnant. Teens are a lot deeper than you seem to treat them like. They arent someone who you can just boss around and expect them to always play by your rules. Of course that is what is expected. But lets face it, at 16, 17 and 18, kids think they are "adults". And they will make decisions without consulting you because they think they are mature when they're not.

Thats why I say its all about prevention. Teaching them the facts, the risks and your personal beliefs and advice. Ultimately its up to them to make a wise decision.

Answer 4

this is a very int ersting questions i think that a lot of whats going on in the teen's  mind has to do with society. look at all the shows where a Young teen gets pregnant. In many shows the Young mother always turns out okay. there is no respect because Young teens cant value the worth of a dollar. i just turned 20 myself and fortunately i don't have any kids but wisdom that parents are looking for from their daughters only come from experiences i have made alot of mistakes but i LEARNED

Answer 5

im a teen and i understand the consequences of such actions. i would suggest its how you raised your daughter and not teens in general. maybe from an early age you needed to stress the importance of consequences of actions and as a result she would understand this. all teens are not the same so you cant just lump them in one catagory. im sick to death of some older people judging the younger generation and comparing us as a whole to your older generation.

Answer 6

Actually the teens today that do fear their parents finding out are the ones sneaking around getting abortions or running away from home if it happens saying "if they find out they will kill me" or they hide it and dump the baby hoping their parents don't find out.

Answer 7

I'm a single mom of one 12 yo girl.  She has already stated she doesn't want to have kids and may adopt when she gets older.  She's seen the h*ll I've gone through taking care of her.  She's seen the war scars on my body from my pregnancy with her.  We talk often about this subject and while there are no guarantees, I do feel our talks will help.

Answer 8

Kids are so spoiled these days...

Answer 9

well, it's parents responsibility to educate, raise, and and be very firm with their children. they have to have a full knowledge of whom they kids are hanging out with, what time to be home etc. the responsibility is complete on the parents not the child. they are children they suppose to be stupid and wild.

Answer 10

Parents need to explain to their children how once you have a child, your whole life gets flipped upside down. That child is your number one priority. No partying, no going out with friends untill the wee hours of the morning. It's the biggest responsibility anyone could ever have. Parents just need to let their teen girls know that there is a whole world out there of possibilities that need to be explored before you have a child.

Answer 11

How about how it impacts HER? It's not about you or anyone else.

I was plenty disciplined, I am very well-mannered, very polite, etc. But guess what? I'm a teen mom. Guess what else? I graduated high school AND I'm in college. "Why do we let them get away with this?" Uhhh.. so your Daughter comes home pregnant and you do what? Yell at her, beat her, WHAT does that solve? Nothing... she's still pregnant. Or maybe you convince her to get an abortion... YEAH that's REAL good, now she's scarred for life. I do NOT condone teen pregnancy at ALL even though I love my Daughter more than anything! I wouldn't trade her for the World, she's my everything. But if it happens, it happens, there's nothing you can do about it. I was taught about s*x and I will teach my Daughter about it as well. I was on birth control when I got pregnant. It's not about respect for my parents, I respect them VERY much.

I really hope that you never become a parent. Being a parent is about loving your child UNCONDITIONALLY. You know what that means? Loving them NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO. And you, dear, do NOT seem to be willing to do that.

EDIT: And I don't live out of wedlock. I DEFINITELY didn't expect my parents to "make everything okay" either. Ugh. My Fiance and I are the ONLY ONES who take care of my Daughter. My Mother only watches her when she WANTS to!

And I certainly hope that your son (if you were to have one) NEVER gets a girl pregnant because you seem to be the type of person to talk him into leaving his girlfriend. Good parenting skills!

SERIOUSLY find something freaking better to do than bash teen moms. You really need a life! Your past few questions are RIDICULOUS!

Answer 12

In the end, they don't get away with it. They either have to face the consequences of abortion, adoption, or teen parenting. It doesn't matter if the parents help, ultimately the responsibility is theirs and one way or another, at least a part of that responsibility does end up falling onto their shoulders.

Now, they say knowledge is power, yet teens are so misinformed about s*x, because parents are afraid that explaining it will persuade them to do it, when in fact, it isn't the case. I was very well educated about s*x from a young age, and I saved myself for marriage. They need to know about abstinence, but also birth control, condoms, and the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy. If they knew what they were getting themselves into, some of them would be talked out of a stupid choice.

Answer 13

WELL I AM 16 AND PREGNANT I DON'T FEEL AS IF I GET AWAY WITH THINGS ITS JUST THINGS HAPPEN THAT CAN BE CONTROLLED AT TIMES BUT PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES IM SURE THEY DONT MEAN TO GET PREGNANT I MEAN WHO WOULD NOT ME BUT MY FAMILY DEALS WITH IT AND IT HASN'T MUCH CHANGED ANYTHING

Answer 14

WOW! Amazing how you put all teens into one category.

I never expected my parent's to "make everything ok" through out my pregnancy, I never asked them to help me raise my son and NEVER EVER expected them to do so. He is OUR child, so me and his father will raise him, buy him what he needs, and raise him the best we know how.

My parent's did NOT raise me to live in fear of them, but they didn't let me do as I please with everything either. I was scared to tell my parent's I was pregnant out of fear of disappointing them because I was attending my first year of college, but I never feared they would disown me or kick me out, maybe that's why SOME teens are looking for away out, replacing the love that they don't have with their parents with a child of their own... SOME teens don't have respect for their narrowminded parents because they don't show them any either.

edit. I'm guessing you've only met ONE teen mother? We all don't cry about what we have gotten ourselves into, and I sure as h**l never considered my son a "mistake" I TAKE CARE OF MY ACTIONS, having a baby does make MOST of us grow up. Do you not realize we have it harder than most people think? Half the time we are raising our child, working fulltime or going to college fulltime or defending ourselves to ignorant people like you. You talk about our respect levels quit wasting your time bashing teen moms and go talk to your daughter about s*x

Answer 15

for one your question shows part of the problem clearly.... "teen daughter"??? Boys have just as much say in the matter....

for second, the only way to get through to a teen, is open communication, tell them s*x is not condoned, tell them about stds, pregnancy, God, etc. I cant give a round by round conversation, talk to them again and again to make sure they know how you feel. Have them take Human Development, and psychology, so they know what their brain is going thro during their teen/college age years. Maybe parents should take it too, to remember how teen life is like.

Some would say, that mom and dad are partly responsible if a teen ends up pregnant (i don't necessarily agree), where was the parent during the times that the couple were "hot n heavy"?? It's 3 pm, do you know where you're teens are?? That is when couples get pregnant, right after school when parents are still at work, or on weekends parents are away, or nights when parents are at the bar.

Not that you can always be with your kids, but are you with them more often than not??

Answer 16

God I wish someone would have told me this sooner. You know what my mom did? She told me that *at 10* that if you really want to keep someone, you have to keep them happy, as in having s*x. She also told me to "have fun" while I was a teenager. Well, here I am, 17 years old, with a 2 year old, a 2 month old, and a baby on the way. Go me. Although I absolutely adore my babies, and would move mountains for them, I wish I would have waited. Like you said, once you have a baby, you stop being a child. I've grown up a lot, but I still wish I had the freedom to just go out and party with my friends. I am definitely teaching my girls about teen pregnancy, and how babies aren't just playful little toys. Also, you talked about respect. To put it as nicely as possible, you have no idea about how every teen respects their parent, or what situation they might be in. For me, I had no reason to respect my mother...she was just simply a young, ignorant, partying friend. It isn't a matter of respect, it's about being stupid enough to go out and have unprotected s*x, and although some may not agree with me, teen parents usually do it out of stupidity. There's no reason we need to be having s*x, but we do, and sometimes we get little miracles out of it. I don't regret having my babies, and I never will. I also don't depend on my mother. My mother paid for my house, my car, my baby supplies, everything I own, she's paid for. NOT because I depend on her, because I absolutely 100% don't. She wanted to pay for everything, which is cool I guess, and nice, but if she didn't support me, I could very well take care of myself and my children. I've made mistakes, but my girls sure as h**l aren't one of them. And I never expected my mother to solve my problems. I got myself into this situation, and I'm going to give it my all until those girls grow up and have their own babies. Not that my mother would have solved it...

Just please, don't put us all into one category, we're people, not statistics.

Answer 17

tell them how it impacts each person in the family, and to each person its a new cousin or niece or nephew and it affects how they feel and how their life is too. every reaction depends on the family and family relations. explain to them that its their child and its their choice. if they want a kid, they have to pay for it themselves, and its very hard work and they might not be able to go to college and then theyll live in poverty.

Answer 18

Oh my gosh, will you pleaseeee tell my parents that! I am 3rd of their children out of six... my older brother and sister are in their 30's and i am 19. My younger siblings are 17, 16 and 11 and have NO RESPECT for my parents! They are allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want because my parents don't do anything about it... I would have been thrown against a wall or hit with a belt... but they get away with EVERYTHING.... my younger sister, who is a L*****n, has her girlfriends basically living at my parents house... it is ridiculous... i think they figure since she cannot get pregnant its okay, but it's NOT. she is 17 and she has taken over my mother's car, and claims it as hers, but refuses to get a job to pay for ANYTHING, they pay for her gas and EVERYTHING she wants. My younger brother will be asked to help out around the house, and he does, but he CHARGES. $20 per activity.... AND THEY PAY HIMMMMM! it is so frusturating to see my parent's discipline skills to have slipped this far... I, myself, have a job, go to college, and help out as much as i can... literally this may sound funny because im young too, but seriously kids these days are INSANE with their expectations, and parents are really slipping and trying to be their friend.... Or some parents, who try to do the right thing are overpowered by their children and their friend's parents, who let them do whatever they want... it's really hard to guide your child, when there is another adult figure saying yeahhh, go ahead drink *but dont drive*, have s*x *but use a condom*.... what ever happened to you drink or do drugs and i will kill you?! lol. well, you get the drift... and law enforcement officials are not supportive of discipline either. some parents will try and discipline their kids, and the kids will call the cops on them for abuse, or whatever else..... its just ridiculous... i feel your pain!

as for the whole pregnancy issue, i would just tell the effects and if there isnt a positive response,then talk to her about different kinds of birth control...

sorry, but this IS the reality now a days...

sad but true...

and some parents DO try and help their kids, but unless you have a real strong bond, it is usually an uphill battle! but one that is well worth it! best of luck to you....

Answer 19

heres the solid truth. teens today just dont care, they are young and nieve, not to mention spoiled. they either go and do the things they do for two reasons, to rebel against thier parents, or to impress someone, whoever it may be, and half the time they want to impress the wrong person, which lands them in trouble.

i am a 17 year old girl who was raised by wonderful parents. when i was younger (not that it was that long ago) i got into so much trouble, i made friends with the wrong people and i did what i knew was wrong because i felt that i would face no concequences, until my best friend found out she was pregnent, at 13. we were both 13, and until that point reality had not set in. then i got into trouble to where i was facing a judge and some hard time. now i am on high honor roll and know what i want out of life, all it took was a hard slap in the face by reality and knowing that parents can't always protect you.

sometimes there is nothing a parent can do, they just have to let thier child figure things out on their own. and its not that parents let us get away with it, it just comes down to the point that they just dont know what else they can do. they best thing that a parent can do is show thier child consiquences, real consiquences, and hope that they will learn from them.

Answer 20

Well let me tell you schools are pretty much just giving them the low-down on what pregnancy, s*x, and STD's are. No we should not protect our kids from reality. We need to tell them whats out there and the inflicts, good or bad, that it can have on them. As a parent, legally, your job is to take care of you kid(s) until they are 18. Morally, your kids are you kids and you must help them attain and acheive a good life through-out theirs. If you dont help, ultimately you are failing them and yourself as a parent. Every generation has said "kids have no respect these days..." yeah yeah. If you want respect be the first to show it. Teach them values and good common sense. Thats all you can do! If you've done that and they still make choices that you dont agree with, well hey, they are their own person, they will do w.e they want. We would rather not hear them argue, yell, or w.e else, so we give in and spoil them. Be mom and dad but dont let your kids be afraid to tell you everything thats going on in their life. Like it or not she is pregnant, you have to be happy about it and suck it up. Help her through it and show her how to be a good parent instead of kicking her to the curb and diserting her.

Answer 21

this is a self question actaully.........