How can i be gracious, yet get the message clear that my house guest must prepare to leave?

Question

I have someone staying with me at my home, and they have a son also here. I have let her stay because she was desperate. This arrangement was temporary, yet she is not making any moves to leave, get a job that would support her,OR even inquire as to where and what she will do.. S he eats and eats and eats the food, wastes it, prepares meals for her boyfriend, and self, just to leave it, then throw away.

This guest does not pay bills, yet she asks a lot of me, i have no help with housework i am serious.. i want her to get going,, In fact she could apply for general assistence, yet she is too lazy and just rather use me to pay for all..

pls advise.. please thank you

Answer 1

Kick her to the curb, she'll find another sucker.

Answer 2

I would show her the door today. She is using you and the longer you put up with her, the longer she will be there. Kick her out. My uncle had to do that with his son.

Answer 3

She is not a guest ...she is a moocher taking advantage of your good nature....Be of thick skin. You will be helping her by asking her to leave.

Answer 4

girl, what?! have you not said anything at all?! that's probably why?! she dolving off you as much as she can, as long as she can, and anyway she cans..HELLO!!! I'm like Pablo, sister girl  got to  go..show her the dough( not door)she shoulda been gone!!!Peace

Answer 5

Everyone has some great advice about sitting her down and telling her it's time to go. That's your first step.

I would also suggest making it more uncomfortable for her to live there. You are not running a hotel so stop accomodating her.

My Mom had a similar situation and decided it was finally time to take her home back from the guests who stayed too long. Mom works odd shifts. She'll get home from work late and usually watch tv until 2am .The houseguest was had set up the tv room as a bedroom and would tell Mom to stop watching tv so she could put the kids to bed. Once night, Mom said "No, this is my house and I've altered my routines long enough, you can put the kids to bed in your room and move them when I go to bed" A few weeks of this and they managed to find enough money to leave.

In the meantime, some off the wall suggestions are:

Run out of money, that is, tell her that you have. Stop gving her money to spend. It's none of her business where your money goes, you don't have to explain anything to her.

Stop buying food. Let the cupboards go bare. You can eat out for yourself or enlist the assistance of a friend and eat at their house.

Cancel the cable and/or take the tv away. Let her know you have to economize because you have no money.

If you can stand it, suspend your home phone service and get a cell phone. If you already use a cell, just use it and cancel your phone.

Disconnect the internet, put the computer in a locked room and make sure you have a password protected screensaver to keep her and her son off your computer.

Stop doing the laundry. If she wants a clean towel, she has to wash one herself. Let the laundry soap run out and don't buy more.

This may sound mean, especially if you have a good job and earn a decent amount of money. However, remember this, until you are debt free, have your retirement accounts fully funded at a million dollars or more and have 6 months of emergency living funds saved up...you have no spare cash.

Be prepared for the tears, the speeches about how a good friend like you would never act this way and she can't believe how you have turned on her.Be prepared for the guilt trips and the attempts to manipulate you based on what a good friend you are (been there, got the t-shirt)

Counter all of this with the information about the local women's shelters, emergency funding and women's support groups that you've gathered.

Be prepared to tell her that she can hand over her child to children's services if it's all too much for her to handle right now.

Be prepared to call the police yourself and report her child as abandoned if she tries a fast one like dumping him on you as you are leaving for work or at any other time (i.e. To go party with her boyfriend)

Incidentally, a rhetorical question here....why is she living with you and not her boyfriend? He must live someplace.

Good luck, persevere....you will get her out of your house and your life.

Answer 6

My goodness - you let her entertain on your food budget?   I would be, really, pleased to stay with you and I'll pay you $200 a week!

You must be direct with your Lazy Loafer.

"I've been pleased to have you as a guest but, the expense and extra work involved maintaining your, and your son, has put a big dent in my budget and I can no longer afford this.  You are welcome to finish up with your laundry, make any necessary 'phone calls and, I would appreciate your cleaning your room(s) but, I must ask you to, please, leave by ... "  - (3 days from now).  

Be sure your bank files, credit card info', etc., are hidden away even if it means leaving all locked in your car (sleep with the keys), or with a friend.   I don't know how well you know this person but I would be fearful of them "squatting" (or similar) so you should check with your County Attorney's office re this possibility.

Answer 7

Ask another friend if she could move in.

Answer 8

Start asking alot of questions about did she find apartment etc., help her find one in a day or so and get her out.If she won't go you can be mad enought to be forceful.

Answer 9

You have already been a very gracious host and very good friend.  You've opened your heart and your home.  You let her stay because she had no where else to go and she had a son.  But then the issue with the fact that she will not even make an attempt to seek out work or apply for general assistance is worse than plain laziness.  She is eating you out of house and home and then to top it off there is the boyfriend issue.  She does not help with housework and is not even looking for another place to live.  You need to put your foot down and just set a date...give her one week and then when the week is over she has to go.  Within a week she can either find somewhere else to go or find a shelter for her or her son.  She can apply for assistance and get a job.  She's got a boyfriend and he can help her out.  You've done more than your share and you have to let go of the situation and get out now.  By giving her a week you are being fair and still being a friend.  If she gets mad, so be it.  Good luck.

Peace & Love :)

Answer 10

Boy you have a problem and the problem is that you have been more than fair.  Tell her right out you can't do it any longer and she needs to leave tomorrow.  Explain to her that you didn't expect her to stay this long and eat all the food and her boyfriend is not wanted at your house.  It is your home and you need to turn over the welcome mat.

Answer 11

Hey, man that sounds like a difficult situation! Take her out to a restaurant and set her down to talk. Tell her that you would like to see her find a job that she enjoys, and that you are willing to help her find one. This is a non-offensive gesture that she will pick up on, and once she finds a job, tell her you are excited to help her search for a home of her own. Good luck with all of this! :}

Answer 12

people treat us the way they do  because we let them.. why would she want to move out or get a job if you are encouraging it.. just tell her she has to get out right away. A friend don't take advantage of a friend.. good luck...bd

Answer 13

Sitting down and talking to someone WORKS when they have a conscious.......

This person obviously doesn't have one as they would be more keen to show their thanks by helping you around the house more..........instead of adding to it...

so for that reason I would say being gracious towards her would fail......

I think I would start playing her game.....

set it up one day .. surround yourself with bills and sit at the table and cry your eyes out about them.....tell her you're about to get the utilities cut off because you can't afford to pay the bills...

start NOT buying groceries... except the most horribliest and cheapest brands .. ( eat before you come home if you have too)

make your home LESS OF A HOME for her and less of a comfort..

reasoning with one like her won't work.. she is behaving like a leach and will continue to do so..time to tip a little salt on that slug!