How can i change what my step daughter is wearing to my daughters wedding?

Question

My step daughter bought a dress that is very revealing and unappropriate for the wedding. She is 16 years old. I don't want her to wear it but she says her mother wont let her return it for a different one. I offered to take her shopping for something else but she refuses (says she likes the dress she has). My husband doesn't want to get in the middle of it with his ex.

Answer 1

I suggest you should make her dad or someone change the dress or buy a new one, and keep that dress when shes 18 when she's an adult and you should really persuade her...

you don't want older guys looking at and wanting to get in her pants....

make sure you watch out for her even if her parents don't.

Answer 2

Its your daughter's wedding and if she's going to be part of the family photos, sit at the table etc then you do have a say.  She can either change her outfit or not come to the wedding!!!

Answer 3

invite the bride (and groom) over for dinner a family fashion show at least 2-3 weeks before the wedding day. get her on your side beforehand. its her wedding and she has the final word on what is appropriate for her guests to wear.

Answer 4

hmm , it does sound like something that you don't want to create a huge fight about... but at the same time that did strike a cord with me because I recently was maid of honor at a wedding where one of the guests wore a WAY above the knee and VERY lowcut tight revealing little black dress that almost looked like fake plastic/leather... we all thought she looked really tacky (trust me, it was not jealousy about her having a nice body or anything like that, she could have looked nice in appropriate clothing instead).

Perhaps you can explain to your stepdaughter that it's not appropriate clothing for a wedding and everyone will be looking at her and judging her? (she might say she doesn't care, but at the same time teenagers are usually pretty concerned about what people think about them?). Is she mature enough to understand that tradition is that you shouldn't draw more attention to yourself than to the bride and groom at a wedding? Could be a good life lesson here...a chance to explain things to her about the adult world, that way she may not feel that stepmom is just saying "no" or being difficult...

Other good ideas in my opinion do include having your husband step up and talk to the ex, or having your daughter (the bride) see the dress (but why put the uncomfortable task on her?)

take care

Answer 5

eyes will be on your daughter not the step daughter  

Answer 6

The only person who has any say over what this child is wearing are her parents.  If you have expressed to her father your opinion & he either disagrees or doesn't care to take action, then leave it alone!  It's not your call.  

As for the bride having to approve her guests' wardrobe - what a joke!  Unless your stepdaughter is in the wedding, than your daughter has no say either.  Could you imagine being a bride & going door to door for your guests inspecting what they are wearing to your wedding?  Give me a break!

Answer 7

You can't unless your husband, who is her father, steps up to the plate.

IMO, many teen girls wear inappropriate stuff without even realizing it.  

Answer 8

Don't get in the middle of it.  Mind your own business and let her wear what she wants.  Don't make waves.  After all, she isn't your child so you can't tell her what to do.

Answer 9

I don't understand why all these people are telling you not to get into it. She is your stepdaughter. When you and her father married, you took on some parental rights and definitely responsibilities. Take her shopping and buy her a new dress. Put your foot down about it. Tell he she isn't going to look like a s***k at your daughter's wedding (in a nice way, of course). You have every right to do this. Step up if no one else will. It has nothing to do with "getting into it" with her mother. It is your daughter's wedding, after all. She can even keep the S****y dress for other occasions if she wants.

Otherwise, tell her she can't go to the wedding. And follow through. You are going to have many many battles if you can't even stand up to her for your own daughter's wedding. You need some serious work with your relationships and your family. Luckily, you only have a few more teen years to go.

Answer 10

How does your daughter feel about he dress?  Has she seem it?  Since its her wedding have her come over and see it.  then have her tell his step-sister that its not appropriate and to save the dress for a party of some sort and you three can go shopping from something better suited for the wedding so that she wont be uncomfortable!

Answer 11

If neither of her biological parents care about the dress I'd just forget it. It's not you the people at the wedding that are going to be whispering about letting her wear that dress....They'll be whispering about her biological mother and your husband. You could also try getting her to wear a sweater-like thing or something to class it up a bit.  

Answer 12

let the mother keep it at her house if she wont return it, and buy her a dress that is appropriate. she's 16 not 26.

if that wont b done then buy a big sweater and make her wear it over the dress lol

the mom's playing a power game she wants control. dont give it to her. the 16 yr old is still your hubby's daughter too. he has some right to say what she can and cant wear in public  

Answer 13

Nothing you can however....

Purchase a lightweight sweater she can put on and tell her she will NOT be allowed to attend your daughter's wedding unless she covers up.......do not give her the choice.

Answer 14

Then she'll  wear the very revealing and inappropriate dress. There's nothing you can do if her mother and father don't care. Drop the matter-- it sounds like a power struggle you can only win if you ignore it.  

Answer 15

There is no doubt its very difficult situation but i think u should treat politely with your step daughter and u should try to conversation with yur husband, he is mature and should understand and also try to conversation with her daughter.  These all discussion should be in a polite or in a positive way with very passions. i assure it will be fruitful.

girish

http://cafe2earnmoney.blogspot.com  

Answer 16

If this child's father is unwilling to be a parent to her, then I feel very bad for her indeed. He is still her father, whether he is married to her mother or not. Since she will be with him on the day of the wedding, he should set the rules for what she may or may not wear. End of story.

Answer 17

Well your husband needs to get over himself.  It's not about getting in the middle of it with his ex.  If the dress is revealing, then a 16 year old should *not* be wearing it no matter who she is.

Answer 18

If you feel the dress is inappropriate then put your foot down and say, "YOU are NOT going to wear that dress to the wedding.  We can either go shopping for another one that is more age appropriate OR you will stay home."

It's very possible that the girl's Mother either does not care what she wears or doesn't want to be bothered returning it.  

If it's wrong . . then YOU have to make it right because no one else wants to.

And yes, I have seen a lot of people (adults and infants) wear inappropriate clothes to weddings, for example:  blue jeans . . fishing hats . . short shorts . . high top sneakers . . tube tops . . baggy pants . . hunting or camoflage clothing . . bowling shirts . . cargo pants . . flip flops and diapers!!

Answered by:  A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 19

A 16 year old wants to wear something revealing and an elder disapproves, wow, stop the presses.  

Seriously though, what your comment shows me is that she really wants to wear this dress. You can try one more time to convince her otherwise, but unless she's part of the wedding party you have no more control over her outfit than any other 16 year old attending that night. Obviously her parents don't think it's that awful so they're really nothing you can do.

One suggestion, maybe instead of changing the dress you can ask her if she'd mind wearing a cardigan or a shrug of some sort over it.  

Answer 20

If the girls mother won't let her return it for a different one, then why won't the father take it back with his daughter and get a different dress... have her father tell her it is an inappropriate dress---he can SPEAK,  can't he???? he doesn't have to get into it with his ex wife... he just has to tell his own child that she cannot go to this wedding with all of you in an inappropriate dress... Who is the parent here anyway,  the 16 year old or her father???