How can i come across as self confident without seeming arrogant, big headed or self loving?

Question

First off, this is quite a whiney question so don't read if you're gonna moan. Thanks.

Umm, okay, i'm not too fond of my self to be honest. I hate my figure and don't feel pretty and i have the personality of a goldfish on weed (which would probably be dead). I'm not funny, laugh too much, i'm not particularly smart or talented and i don't fit into the common perceptions of "cool". My best friend, however, is stunning looking, has a lovely figure and lots of people like her. She's funny and smart and it comes naturally to her. I get on people's nerves alot of the time because i have moods where i'm sometimes really hyper and annoying and sometimes i get very irritable and snappy. I think i'm generally a fairly nice person deep down but i really think i need to work on my confidence in order to make more friends. Does anyone know any ways that i can fake an over all self confidence without seeming full of myself or bit.chy? i feel this would help me to make friends more easily. I'm 15 if that makes any difference to ya. Thanks x

Answer 1

I've been a complete loser 4 most of my life, i used 2 be that quiet,strange girl at the back of the classroom, but then i moved to another school,& i started to just try to act like "myself" ofcourse i made a fool of myself, & i realized that i don't even know who i am.so, i started 2 find that out....i looked inside of me & i found my essense,that thing inside of u that u can never change,yes u can change lots of stuff about urself, but u can't change ur essense, it's what makes u different. the thing about the essense is that it's always a good thing,u just have 2 act based on it, and trust me people will start 2 like u, and most of all u will start liking urself.

Answer 2

Yeah, 15 makes a difference...I'd rather eat worms than be 15 again.  

Think of it this way, if your ubercool friend is choosing you for a friend you can't be so bad.

Shes probably worried about the same things you are, but she hides it better.  So watch her, see how she handles things and learn to do the same, but within your own boundaries.  You don't, after all want to be a copy cat.  Just popular on your own.

One day someone will appreciate your quirky sense of humor, and think you are beautiful, just the way you are, and they will never be able to understand why you don't like yourself.  Just like yourself for yourself, and the self confidence comes.  If everyone likes you then you are going out of your way to please everyone too hard.  Keep your edge.

Answer 3

Being 15 is the basic problem;-{ get over yourself!

Try thinking about other people & how you can help them.

Be available to baby-sit or do chores for older people.

Do more than your share of chores at home for the family.

Relax around other people, you're just nervous.

Answer 4

I've only just turned sixteen, and to be honest, I've been in both situations - so I can give you some advice here. I've been the girl who the friend looks up to. I was best friends with a girl who had body dismorphia. She thought everything about me was perfect and she was constantly comparing herself to me. I think that is your biggest problem; you're spending so much time comparing yourself to this other girl, it is highlighting your flaws and making you feel inadequete. Take some time away from her. Focus on what is good about YOU. This will help your confidence, and make you realise that you are a seperate, beautiful person who is just as good as she is.

I have also been in the role of the person with the 'perfect' friend so I know how it feels. Yes, they seem so beautiful and perfect and wonderful, and they get all the attention; but believe me, it's not because of how she looks, acts or what she does. It's not because humour and intelligence come any more naturally to her than they do to you. It's because she has the confidence - she believes in herself. Again, take some time away. Look at yourself in the mirror. Forget about her; you're the only person in the world right now. Make a list of your assets. Don't compare yourself to her. Don't compare yourself to anyone.

You are beautiful in your own way, trust me. No amount of confidence can make you seem arrogant - it's talking about how great you are that is bad. Just believe in yourself, and you can be confident, and feel good no matter who you are.

Answer 5

take it easy,

this is very common around and in the same age as you.

Just be yourself and everything will be fine, dont try any thing els.

Answer 6

AND SO WHAT! don't try to be funny so that people like you!

most probably they will make fun of you! and i know what i'm saying.

the point here is that you should be natural and express yourself the way it suits you. Confidence is not something you buy in a supermarket ; confidence is the fact that you show what is inside you to the real world and you have to do it... Some people will appreciate it and others will not. but this is natural and you should not worry about it. and if people thinks your friend is cool that does not mean you have to copy her or any body else....

life is about taking and giving ; about talking and listening... if you are a person who doesn't know how to tell jokes then show others that you really enjoy theirs...

don't try to impose you self on other; be brief and kind of mysterious let them look for the truth by themselves....

be who you are.

Answer 7

I think you must be my soul mate. I have the same problem. Get off that computer and go making some more friends.

xx