How can i deal with this matter?. god i hate my stepchildren?

Question

my husband and i came from africa and his ex wife,too. the have two children together.my husband and i have been married for about 8 yrs in america, we have one son. he promised that his children will remain in africa ,but they can only visit him. now he insisted that the children are coming to leave with us. i have no problem with that. the problem is the children say nasty things about me they go out with thier daddy alone. when ever he went out with them he will came back home feeling sad. if he tell me and i told him they are lying and i want to bring the issue out and ask the childre he will say he doesnt like it i dont want you to upset them. we try counselling but, it does not seem to work . he said his children will not lie. their mother is dying to come back to my husabnd. but he said he does not love her. for 12 yrs she is still single waiting for my husband to go back to her. now she is sending the kids to destroy me. the girls is 17 and the boy is 15.what kind of caution do you think i will take. shoul i make the childrens life miserable behind their dad's back and make them like prince and rincess in front of them. even if they tell their dad i will deny it and asy i cannot stand it and in that case he will send them home. without hating me?

Answer 1

No hun, its best that you be straight up w/ur husband about what's going on w/the kids, let him know that it affects your marriage, the things that they say about you, and talk to him about it seriously, remember they are going to be living there with you all, and it won't be good to pretend they're angels infront of him, and to treat them badly behind his back, it won't work,and it won't be right either , so its best that you talk it out with hubby, and let him know how u feel about eveything.GL!

Answer 2

He beleives his children over you anyway, why would you deny anything they say. I would just treat them nice always. They are at an age when they should be off to college soon anyway.

Answer 3

No!!!

Make friends with your step-children.  Treat them so kindly that their plan does not work.  Try to get the family in church so you will have some support.

At 15 & 17, you only have a few more years to deal with this.

Joy to you!

Answer 4

kids that age will be kids, and influenced by their mother. it sounds like she has a problem with moving on, and will do whatever it takes to make you look bad to them.

i'd keep it up with the family counseling. your husband has to realize that kids do indeed lie. they lie all the time. what does he think, that kids are really innocent? they do it for attention and to get praise from their mother most likely.

i know i used to make my stepmother look worse to my father than she was, just because i hated her (and she was a real s**t).

i think though that the family counseling is the way to go.

Answer 5

your husband needs to set the rules and explain to his kids that they need to respect you.  if he dosnt do that, then he is at some fault here. i wouldnt focus your anger on the kids.  the real person you should be upset  with is your husband for enabling them and letting them treat you like you are  a door mat.

when you play with fire you deal with fire. dont try to turn his kids against him. get straight with your husband and tell him to  teach his kids to respect others including you.. after all you are his wife!!!

Answer 6

These are minor CHILDREN. That's their DAD. Do NOT try to come between them or you will be the one who's alone.

Besides at 15 and 17 they will be off to college before you know it and it won't be a problem anymore.

Cope.

Answer 7

You got some serious issues chick-You need to chill out -kids will be kids-the mind games go with the ex-wife not the children. When you see the children treat them right. Love there father with all your heart and they will see that =If you treat his kids like c**p -you don't really love the man -may be you need to leave not them. I would be devastated if I had a child and found out my spouse was cruel to him or her. Even If there brats-Act like an adult not a child! He will know how they are and he will discipline them -not you. They will get caught in the end with their behavior.  

Answer 8

Your husband needs to set the rules in front of you. You show adults and his wife respect. If they can't do that then they will be punished.

Don't harm the children because their parents have raised them to be disrespectful. Help them learn respect.