How can i feel better about my self?

Question

since having my son i feel awful about my self i am physically repulsed by my appearance and my partner tells me that "i look ok with clothes on" and that "every woman who has children looks like that" i no he loves me and is trying to help but it makes me feel worse and the fact he has no real interest in s*x makes me feel even uglier! iv never felt this bad about my self and i can honestly say i hate myself and i cant talk to my partner because he doesnt understand. both my mum and sister are bi polar and have there own problems atm so i cant talk to them..but how can i feel better about my self.

Oh and i have been to gp who agreed my body had been transformed but she ignored my worries and said that the nhs would not be able to help me other than tell me to lose weight ( im not fat im curvy or at least i was!)

Answer 1

The first thing to do is find something like a hobby that you are good at so that you have a sense of accomplisment. When we are happy with something that we do, automatically we cheer up. It maybe something simple like discovering that an exercise that you thought you couldn't do, you suddently realise that you CAN do.

You may discover that you can write lyrics or draw something really well. Once you start to boost your own confidence, you will find dieting easier to do. Above all learn to like yourself. Every woman has the ability to make others smile, to cheer people up, to be a good friend etc., Appreciate what you CAN do, then when you're ready, you can work on your weight. A good way to start is by just eating smaller portions. Think, if it doesn't fit in a cereal bowl, I'm probably eating too much. Cut right down on sugar and carbohydrates. Better still have a day occasionally of cutting them out altogether. If you're feeling strong do that for a second day. On an emotionally difficult day, don't think about dieting just do something that will make you happy, even if it's dancing to your favourite song.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment. The thing with GP's though is that you have to keep on and on at them. My GP is exactly the same. They don't listen properly and you end up going several times with the same thing til then they do then take notice. (And I've noticed with my GP you can't tell them more than one thing at a time - they only seem to deal with one thing at a time.) But considering bi polar is in the family then your GP should take more interest.

Also would it be helpful going to a mother and toddler group? Maybe if you got talking to other mom's who also had some of the same feelings as you you may feel consoled by this.

I'm afraid I don't have any kids of my own, but I am obese myself. I have been pestering my GP to be referred to the hospital for a gastric bypass. My husband is not bothered about me being fat as regards to looks, he is just concerned with the health problems of being fat.

Answer 3

First of all come out of self-pity.If you are sure that you look uncouth, then you should plan to become smarter.The change in physical appearance after child-birth is common.Allot some time for yourself. Start with simple exercises to tone up the loose muscles of the abdomen. Eat nutritious food.Read good books. Listen to music.Be happy with the child .Go for walks with your  partner.Dress smartly and comfortably even when you are at home.Allot 10 minutes-two five minutes- for prayer which is very important for you and your baby.Slowly you will become a smart mother and an attractive partner.Pull yourself up.

Answer 4

Find a park, take ur baby and a stroller.  Walking even 1/2 hour a day will both get u trimmed down and feeling better about yourself.

I just started doing a couple years ago, and now I get antsy if I can't take my walk, it's become a habit.  Dropped 3 inches off my waistline, surprised h**l out of me, down below my college waistline now.

Get up and out, girl.  You'll probably run into some other mothers along the way, and that will help too.

Answer 5

you could go to the gym??

or start something like pelates or yoga there you might meet other mums

sorry i dont know what you are going through

you and your girlfriends could get all glamed up and go out to town

or go shopping

sorry probally didnt help much

good luck lovie

xxxxxxx

Answer 6

Put yourself on a healthy diet and get into a fitness routine as well.  Hopefully this will take you out of the house and doing something for yourself rather than just for your son and husband.  

Then, if you are not employed, look for courses in your local area that you can attend at night while your husband looks after Stanley.

Answer 7

Having children has a massive effect on you, both physically and mentally. Having given birth your hormones will still be all over the place (its like going through puberty all over again - but with much more effect on you).

Your partner's lack of interest in s*x may actually be because he is worried about pressuring you. He may feel that if he makes advances towards you that you will feel pressured and uncomfortable. He may also be worried that you will think he is only interested in s*x and not in the fact that you feel down.

Also, men suddenly loose all s*x drive if they feel under pressure. If your partner has concerns over finance or his work it may be that which is causing his lack of interest. (This is something I went through last year and it was very hard for my partner to deal with. She became very paranoid over it, and began thinking that it was because I had lost interest in her - despite constantly reassuring her of the reason).

With regards to feeling better - this is a combination of chemical levels in your body and your mental state of mind. At this stage you need to be aware that changes you make to your physical appearance are not necessarily the best thing to do.

The side effects of childbirth do effect all women, and you can do several things to help the appearance. Gentle exercise is good. Your midwife/health visitor should have given you information about exercises you should be carrying out. If they have not, ask them for the information. You GP sounds awful (as so many are). See another GP. Also, it may feel awkward but you may get much better advice from a male doctor. The problem you face with GP's is that they hear the same thing from many people, and can start having the attitude that you are just whining for no reason - don't stand for that attitude, it is unprofessional and unacceptable.

Get yourself a notebook - one of those ringbound 'reporters' notepads. Each day write on a new page the following:

1. A positive feeling that you have about the day ahead (ie. It's going to be a nice day)

2. A positive thing about yourself (ie. I am a considerate person)

3. A positive thing about your son (ie. He makes me smile when he....)

4. A small note to yourself - like a diary entry

5. A small note to your partner - like a little letter.

No one else is meant to read this, so don't feel you have to show anyone.

Find a hobby which you can enjoy with little time or expense. Something relaxing (drawing, cross-stitch, crosswords, sudoko). Give yourself a little time each day - probably when the littl'n is having a nap.

Make time for going out of the house. As little as a walk around the block with your son (and partner if he can walk with you) each day - just 5-10 minutes will make all the difference.

Find someone you can talk to. If you don't have a friend that you can talk to, you are welcome to talk to me. My littl'n is now 16 months old and my partner and I have been through a similar experience.